


California Kids

by bassbot



Series: The White Album [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Marijuana, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, Summer Love, Summer Romance, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, based off Weezer's white album, dont be fooled by all of the dark tags, except the weed, jisung centric, this story is rly rly light and fluffy and p much all the stuff is only mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-05-02 02:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 44,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bassbot/pseuds/bassbot
Summary: Jisung, the biggest drug dealer in town's little brother, falls in love with the boy who plays Weezer on his ukulele outside the ice cream shop.





	1. just get going, 'til you hit the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Title from Weezer's California Kids
> 
> if anyone is confused about Lucy, she's meant to be Lucy from Weki Meki (you dont have to stan Weki Meki to understand the fic dw) I used her stage name instead of her real name for reasons that'll be explained later, also I promise she's really not a major character in this she just has to have a prominent place for now until Chenle becomes more of a major character

Being woken up at 5 AM to the smell of weed wafting through the apartment was not Jisung’s idea of a good way to start summer vacation.

 

Living with his brother and the leaders of the biggest drug ring in town had its perks, but biweekly baking sessions weren’t one of them.

 

He sighed, stood up, got dressed, and walked out into the kitchen. Johnny was passed out on the kitchen table, while Taeyong stood in front of a giant pot of melted butter, swaying back and forth.

 

“Good morning, Jisungie.” He chirped, giving him a lazy smile and leaning over to kiss his forehead.

 

“Good morning, mom.” Jisung mumbled back, rubbing his eyes and walking over to the Keurig.

 

“Any plans today?”

 

Jisung hummed. “Not sure. Might go out for a little bit. Since, you know, I can’t sleep in on _my first day_ of summer vacation because _somebody_ needed a restock.” A smile played at the corner of his lips. He always got a cut of the edibles they produced, so he couldn’t really complain. “What are you making this round?” The Keurig beeped. He pulled out the mug and reached for the creamer.

 

“Cake pops, mostly.” Taeyong stirred the pot again. “50 chocolate, 30 strawberry, a tray of brownies, a half tray of blondies and a tin of cookies for Donghae.”

 

“Fucking love cake pops.” Jisung leaned on the counter and took a sip of his coffee.

 

“Watch your language.” the older smiled, adjusting the temperature on the stove. “And take a brownie for the road, when you go. There’s still some left in the fridge.”

 

\--

 

Nobody was on the boardwalk at this hour. The sun had slowly risen over the horizon, casting an orange light on the wet sand. Some of the street lights were still on, even though all the shops wouldn’t open for another four hours. Jisung skated through a puddle of someone’s discarded slushie and the wheels of his longboard left dark lines in the planks behind him. The small bluetooth speaker he always carried around in his pocket was only at [half volume](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5NqIsnyTG8)\- still loud enough to drown out the lapping of the waves against the sand, but not enough for the ice cream shop owner to file a noise complaint.

 

The brownie hadn’t kicked in yet, he’d only had a quarter of it twenty minutes ago when he left the house. He rarely ever ate the whole thing- his brother’s shit was strong and Jisung was dancing later that day. He just wanted enough to loosen him up and help him relax, and when the high started to fade in a couple of hours, he’d camp out and start dancing. Then he’d take a break and eat some lunch, stop in at the ice cream shop for dessert, and ride his longboard to the abandoned overpass by the highway where he’d dance with Ten and everyone else. That was the way it had been for the past five summers, and the way it’d be this summer too.

 

\--

 

There was somebody in his spot.

 

Well, it wasn’t really his spot, per say, but it was where Jisung had been camping out the past four years he’d spent living with Johnny. He’d been dancing there since he was 12, to try to get a little extra money for them. This was before the business had grown, back when Johnny was doing runs and restocks for Jiyong and getting paid an eighth a week.

 

When Johnny still had his job at McDonalds, working through the night taking orders while Jisung tossed and turned on their shared bed that he was too afraid to sleep in alone.

 

Things were a lot better now, and Jisung really didn’t need to dance for extra money, but he did anyway, along with making runs for Johnny and Taeyong and helping Donghae water the plants twice a week. It was self-employment. Jisung was an entrepreneur.

 

He couldn’t be an entrepreneur, however, if somebody was taking over his target audience.

 

Jisung couldn’t see who was in his spot, there was too much of a crowd around him, and even though he was on the taller side, it wasn’t enough for him to be able to see over the mass of bodies blocking the kid from his view.

 

Then, a strum rang out in the air, high and the slightest bit off-tune. Ukulele. This would be interesting.

 

The kid must’ve opened his mouth then, because the crowd around him erupted in squeals and Jisung heard the opening words to a Steven Universe song.

 

Jisung groaned and rolled his eyes. Every year, kids like this would show up straight out of tumblr dot com, with their baby blue Makala ukuleles and played the same four chords, only changing out the words and strumming pattern. They played songs from Cartoon Network, Ingrid Michaelson, and some of the edgier ones would occasionally throw in a Paramore song if there wasn’t too much of a crowd.

 

Jisung hated it.

 

He must’ve spaced out listening, because the next thing he knew, the kid was playing the final chord and everybody was clapping and cheering around him. Jisung was jealous. Those should be _his_ cheers, not some random special snowflake who probably drew daisies on their wrist in sharpies for fun.

 

“Thank you!” Jisung could hear the smile in the kid’s voice. Male. Kind of had an accent, even from those two words.

 

He heard the jingling of coins and soon after, the boy opened his mouth to start singing again and it wasn’t stupid tumblr music this time. It was full out Weezer. This kid was playing Weezer on a ukulele. It may have been a basic song (really, who still played anything off the Green album anyway? This boy needed better taste) but it was something different from every other flower child who had ever camped out on that beach and played ukulele to try to be the next Rebecca Sugar.

 

Soon enough, that song ended too, and the crowd dispersed a little. Jisung stepped forward, and he was finally able to get a look at the boy’s face.

 

He was cute, Jisung decided, with big round eyes and puffy cheeks and a halo of blonde flopping into his forehead. His [ukulele](https://www.riffcityguitaroutlet.com/products/kala-makala-soprano-ukulele-with-dolphin-bridge-light-blue-burst) was a sky blue that turned lighter towards the center, with a dolphin shaped piece of wood holding the strings in place.

 

Jisung watched him until he finished the Weezer song, and for the Vanessa Carlton song after that. The crowd around him was starting to quiet down, and Jisung was able to push to the front of it. The boy kept singing, until he finished his song, and then went on immediately to start another, and another after that.

 

Dear Christ, this dude was fucking gorgeous up close. his jawline was soft and he was dressed in a white shirt and it made him look like an angel, hell, he probably was an angel with the way he was singing-

 

“Jisung!” A voice hissed, snapping him out of his daydream.

 

He turned to the side. Fucking Lucy, his best friend, always popping up at the most inconvenient of times.

 

“You weren’t answering your phone, so I figured you might have been dancing,” she explained, keeping her eyes trained on his face. “So I came over here, cause I wanted to see if you had any weed on you, and, you know, this is your spot, but there was this huge ass crowd here and I had to push my way to the front and… this kid took your spot.”

 

“Yeah, he did.” Jisung answered, turning back to watch the angel boy (Jisung had started to call him that in his head) singing. “I’m like… not really complaining though.”

 

“Why? This has been your spot for the past four years.”

 

“I mean, it's not like I own it or anything. Once he finishes, I'll just tell him, ‘hey, this is my spot,’ and he’ll find someplace else to sing.”

 

Lucy hummed and turned her attention to angel boy. He was playing a different song now, something Jisung vaguely recognized as Ed Sheeran.

 

“How long have you been here?” She asked, checking the time on her phone. “It's like,almost eleven.”

 

“Uh….” Jisung gulped. “About an hour, I think.” He didn’t have to turn his head to know that Lucy had a shit eating grin on her face.

 

“Bro, when he finishes this song, ask what his name is.”

 

“No!” Jisung hissed, glaring at her. “I'm trying to kick him from my spot, not be his friend!”

 

“I will then.” She glared back, turning back to angel boy and waiting for him to finish singing.

 

Fortunately, angel boy had decided that it was a good time for a water break, and he thanked the crowd around him (still with the same accent) before putting his ukulele on the ground and reaching for a water bottle.

 

“What’s your name?” Lucy stepped forward, squatting to reach his eye level.

 

The boy blushed lightly and screwed the cap back on his water. “Chenle.”

 

He pronounced it oddly, definitely not with an English tongue. And the name wasn’t Korean, either, Jisung would have recognized a Korean first name.

 

“You’re a really good singer.” Lucy smiled at him.

 

He looked at Lucy, then up at Jisung, who was standing behind her. He smiled a little and nodded in agreement.

 

“Thank you!” Chenle smiled brightly.

 

“Where are you from?” She asked,

 

Jisung’s eyes widened and he had no doubt he would have burst into flames right then and there if he could. “Lucy, you can't just ask people where they’re from-”

 

“It's okay!” Chenle interrupted, smiling and laughing a little. “My English isn’t that good, I know. I've been practicing in school for years, and I was the best in my class at it, but now that I'm here I feel like I can't speak it very well at all.” His eyes sparkled. “I'm from China, though. Shanghai. I'm staying with my cousins for the summer.”

 

“Who are your cousins?”

 

“Lucy, stop asking questio-”

 

“Sicheng and Renjun!” Chenle smiled again. “I don't know if you’d know them, I think they’re both older than you.”

 

Lucy frowned, turning to look back at Jisung. “Wasn’t Renjun the one that Yoojung got into that kpop fight with on twitter? The one in Mark’s year?”

 

Jisung had to fight the urge not to facepalm. He didn’t want Lucy to get into conversations, because she always dragged Jisung into them, and Jisung wasn’t here to make friends. “Yeah, he was.” Great. Now there was pre-existing bad blood, because Lucy couldn't keep her mouth shut.

 

Chenle nodded. “He takes his EXO _very_ seriously.”

 

“So you’re just here for the summer then.” Jisung sat down next to them. By now, the rest of the crowd had scattered, save for a few kids eating ice cream on a bench nearby.

 

Chenle nodded again. “My parents are spending the summer in Osaka, for business, I think, so they sent me here for the summer. They wanted me to get better at English, too.”

 

“You definitely know enough English to get around.” Lucy smiled again and shifted so she was sitting criss cross applesauce like the other two.

 

“Thank you.” He blushed again, grinning.

 

“So like, are you all done here?” Lucy asked. “Are you gonna play anymore? Me and Jisung were thinking about grabbing food-”

 

“-Since when did I say-”

 

“Shut up, Sungie, I'm being nice-”

 

“It's eleven in the morning, Lucy-”

 

Chenle laughed again at their bickering, really laughed this time, high pitched with his head thrown back. A thought crossed Jisung’s mind, that his laugh was even more angelic than his singing, and he pushed it away quickly.

 

“I'd love to go eat with you, if you’d want me to. Renjun is very busy with all his art stuff this summer, and I don't have any other friends…”

 

“Then let’s go eat.” Lucy stood up, holding out a hand for Chenle. He accepted it and stood up, grabbing his ukulele off the ground. Jisung stood up too.

 

“What type of food do you like, Chenle?” Lucy struggled to say his name, and Jisung fought back a smile.

 

\--

 

As if the morning wasn't off to a dysfunctional start already, the three of them were joined by Jaemin somewhere on the way to the diner and were forced to squeeze four people into a two-person booth.

 

To make it worse, Lucy made him share a seat with Chenle under the stupid excuse that Jisung and Jaemin’s arms were too long to be too close to one another. Jisung thought that was the most bullshit excuse he’d ever heard, and he gave her a dirty look when Chenle wasn't looking.

 

“ _Jisungie, you look like you’re going to have a heart attack._ ” Jaemin said in Korean, a knowing smile plastered across his face. “ _Gay panic, maybe?_ ”

 

“Fuck you.” Jisung kicked his shin lightly under the table.

 

“Hey, that's not fair!” Chenle protested playfully. “I don't understand Korean!”

 

“Jaemin, you dumbass, you made him feel bad!” Lucy slapped his arm, then went back to looking at her menu. He erupted into giggles, and Chenle was quick to follow.

 

“Anyway, Chenle,” Lucy still struggled with the name. “What do you do? Like outside of singing or whatever? Do you have any hobbies?”

 

“Um…. I like to swim, I used to be on a swimming team when I was younger.” He looked up to the ceiling. “I like music, a lot. Music makes me happy, I want to be a singer when I grow up.”

 

“What artists do you like?” Jaemin asked, putting his menu down to look at him.

 

“Um… I like EXO a lot, especially Lay, me and Renjun talk about them together, and I like Jay Chou, and Jane Zhang, and Cai Xukun…”

 

Lucy, Jaemin, and Jisung’s faces were all blank.

 

“Um, for American music, I like to listen to things from TV shows, I learned a lot of English by watching kids shows, like, Adventure Time, and Renjun really likes Moomin so I learned a lot by watching that too, and I really like musicals.”

 

“I highkey fuck with Adventure Time.” Jaemin said, grinning again.

 

Chenle gave Jisung a confused look, blushing a little. “High...key?”

 

Just then, Yeri stepped in front of their table to collect their orders, which effectively occupied Jaemin and Lucy.

 

“It means to do or feel something to a great extent.” Jisung filled in.

 

Chenle still looked confused.

 

“It's like… let's say I liked, um, EXO, or whatever that group is. That would make you feel something for me, right? Like a connection?”

 

Chenle nodded slowly.

 

“So if you feel a connection to something, a strong connection. That’s highkey fucking with it.”

 

He nodded again, tilting his head thoughtfully. “But isn't fucking like…” he made a obscene gesture with his hands.

 

Jaemin laughed, and Lucy choked on her drink.

 

“We can get Yukhei to explain it to you later.” Jisung promised, trying to hide his blush.

 

“Who's Yukhei?” Chenle asked, sitting up a little straighter.

 

Yeri coughed. “Listen, you can explain buttsex to fine china over here _after_ you tell me what you want to eat.” She deadpanned. “I need my money.”


	2. like darwin on the beagle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Weezer's Wind in Our Sails

They didn’t have enough money for Yeri’s tip, they’d found out, so Jisung left the remaining ¾ of this morning’s brownie instead, leaving her a scrawled out note under the placemat that said “ _this is weed don't eat it on your break you dumb shit_ ”.

 

She’d probably still eat it anyway, she was Jisung’s number one customer and he knew the majority of the tips she earned would end up right back in his wallet.

 

“Jeno’s meeting us back at the boardwalk,” Jaemin said, slipping his phone into his back pocket.

 

Jisung groaned. Dealing with both of them was always worse.

 

“So Chenle,” Lucy said after they’d stepped out of a diner. She still couldn't pronounce his name. “You said you’re staying with your cousins, right?”

 

Chenle nodded and smiled a little, “Yeah, they live here. Sicheng is a little older than me, by four years, but Renjun is still in high school.”

 

“He goes to North Shore?” Jaemin turned to him.

 

“I don't know if that's what it’s called, but he says he goes to the public school here. He does a lot of art stuff.”

 

“Art stuff?”

 

“He paints a lot.”

 

“I try to generally stay away from art kids,” Jaemin said. “They’re like… a different breed. They're all…snooty and shit. They don’t do anything fun.”

 

“That's not true, Chaeyoung is fun.” Lucy retorted.

 

“Chaeyoung is also the gayest person I've ever met, it cancels out.”

 

Jisung felt Chenle tense up next to him. “Do you guys have like… a lot of gay friends?” His voice was small, and he was clutching the neck of his ukulele so hard his knuckles turned white.

 

Shit, the thought that Chenle might be homophobic had never crossed Jisung’s mind, what was he going to do if-

 

“Uh… a lot of us are.” Lucy finally answered, biting her lip. “Like, I’m bi. I think. Jaemin has a boyfriend, they’re both like, full twink, Jisung’s brother is bi, so is his boyfriend-”

 

“Taeyong isn’t his boyfriend-”

 

“Shut it, they’re close enough. Anyway, Donghyuck is pan I think, and Mark labels himself straight but he’s dating Donghyuck so nobody really knows that the situation is there, Yoojung, the girl your cousin got into that twitter fight with, she’s bi, and so is Sana; she works at the ice cream shop-”

 

“Lucy, stop outing people, they don’t even _know_ who he _is_ , that’s _rude_ -” Jisung hissed, leaning over to flick her face.

 

Lucy dodged the attack and grinned. “Jisung is the only one we don’t know about, like we’re pretty sure he’s ace or some shit, he doesn’t really like people-”

 

“I told you I’m not ace!”

 

Chenle was giggling now. He clutched his ukulele to his chest and grinned. “That’s good. I, um, I forgot the word in English for it, but I like girls and boys. I was afraid you wouldn’t…. Accept it, or I’d have to lie about it, or, I don’t know-”

 

Jisung looked down at him. “You don’t have to, like, hide anything from us, or whatever, we’re all… cool, about stuff like that.” The fuck did he have to be so awkward for all the time.

 

“That’s good.” Chenle smiled up at him. “My cousins too, they’re also… they like boys and girls. I still can't remember the English name.” He was blushing.

 

“Bisexual.” Jaemin supplied.

 

“Yeah, so he’s a _cool_ art kid.” Chenle smiled again, looking up at Jaemin. “Like that other girl you said.”

 

“What about the cousin?” Lucy asked. “The older one.”

 

Chenle’s grin widened. “Sicheng! He’s four years older than me. He goes to college. I think he does drugs, I don’t really know.”

 

Jisung stopped walking for a second. “Sicheng? What does he look like?”

 

“Um, his hair is blonde right now, he’s really skinny, and he talks kind of weird because he’s usually high all the time. We don’t talk very much. My mother doesn’t like him.”

 

“Does he, like, go by Winwin sometimes?”

 

Chenle frowned. “I think so, yeah.”

 

Jisung bit his lip.  “I think my brother knows him.”

 

“Oh, that’s cool!” Chenle smiled again. _Why was he smiling so much?_

 

“Oh, Jisung!” Lucy perked up a bit. “That reminds me, do you have weed on you?”

 

Jisung stopped walking again, and everybody else did too. “No, but we can run back to the apartment and get some, if you want.”

 

Chenle opened his mouth to say something then closed it, clutching his ukulele a little tighter.

 

Jisung mentally slapped himself. Of course Chenle would be uncomfortable with that.  “Oh my _god_ , Lucy, why can’t you keep your mouth shut for _half a fucking second_ -”

 

‘It’s okay!” Chenle interrupted, forcing out a little laugh. “I’m not… against it, I guess, I’ve just never really…”

 

Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “It's still illegal in China, right?”

 

“Um… yeah, it is, I thought it wasn't really allowed here either?” The shorter boy was looking around nervously, as if somebody was listening to their conversation.

 

“Well, yeah, but it's decriminalized.” Lucy said like it was common knowledge (which it was- to everybody but Chenle). “Nobody really cares, unless you’re, like, rolling a blunt in front of a cop car or selling it, like Jisung does.”

 

Chenle stepped back from them a little, playing with the hem of his T-shirt.

 

It was at that moment that Jeno bounced up, wrapping his arms around Jaemin and planting a wet kiss on his cheek. “Are we smoking today or what?”

 

Chenle’s eyes darted back and forth between them. He looked like he was going to faint.

 

\--

 

Lucy ended up going back to Jisung's apartment by herself with strict instructions not to tell Johnny or Taeyong about Chenle.

 

( _“If they found out, I was talking to a boy or whatever they'd never let me hear the end of it.”_ Jisung had whispered to her in sloppy Korean as he handed her his longboard.

 

“You know I can't keep secrets, Sungie.” She responded in English with a grin before skating off.)

 

A few paces back, Jaemin and Jeno were all over each other, as usual. Luckily, they seemed to be toning it down a little for Chenle’s sake.

 

“So uh….” Chenle’s eyes were on the ground, watching the wood planks disappear under their feet. “With the… the weed thing.” He flinched at his own words. “Lucy said you sell it?”

 

“I.. yeah, I do.” He’d always been bad at explaining his situation, but he didn't want to lie about it to someone who he hoped to become closer to. “Me and my brother and a few of his friends.”

 

“What's your brother’s name?” He spoke a little slower, having trouble putting the consonants together, and Jisung had to try not to melt on the spot.

 

“Johnny.” He smiled politely, looking over at the smaller boy. “Him and his friend Taeyong. They’re the town's main dealers.”

 

“Dealers.” Chenle murmured, trying out the word on his tongue. “And you’re that too? You're a dealer too?”

 

“Kind of. I let Johnny and Taeyong make the deals, I usually just handle the small exchanges.”

 

“Small exchanges?” His accent was heavy on the last word, and Jisung felt his heart turn to mush. _Stop that._

 

“Like, dimes and grams and eighths.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Small amounts of the stuff.” Jisung stopped for a second. “A dime is about this much.” He made a small circle with his fingers. “It's called a dime because back in the olden days, it used to be worth a dime.”

 

“A dime? Like the littlest coin?”

 

“Yeah, like the littlest coin.” Jisung’s felt his cheeks get warm. He hoped Chenle didn't notice.

 

“I'm still having a lot of trouble with money stuff.” Chenle blushed, looking to the side. “Like, I know a dollar is a hundred cents, and then everything after that is just more dollars, but the coins confuse me a little. And going from yuan to dollars. The con...conversations? It's confusing.”

 

“I think you mean conversions.” Jisung supplied, and dear god, he was blushing so much, he shouldn't be so flustered from talking about dollars, what was wrong with him?

 

“Yeah, that, conversions.” Chenle smiled back up at him, and Jisung felt physical pain in his chest by how much smaller he was.

 

He didn't realize he was staring until about fifteen seconds too late.

 

“Anyway.” Jisung shook his head and looked back down at his hands, this time making a bigger circle. “This is about a gram.” He widened his fingers a little more. “And this is about an eighth. The amounts vary on what strain, who’s selling, and what part of the world you live in, but that's about how much it goes for here.”

 

Chenle nodded obediently. “I think I understand a little more now.” He smiled again. “It's very interesting.”

 

“I guess it is.” They started walking again. Jeno and Jaemin were farther ahead of them now. “It's just… always been my life, I guess.”

 

“Always?” He tilted his head. “What about, like, when you were little?”

 

Jisung stopped again, startled. Now the conversation was drifting to dangerous territory.

 

“I…. it’s kind of complicated.” Avoid this, avoid this, avoid.

 

It's okay!” Chenle smiled brightly again. “You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to.” This boy was an angel, Jisung was positive of it.

 

“I’d prefer not to talk about it, yeah-”

 

Chenle’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out. Jisung could see an incoming call from someone whose name was a bunch of Chinese characters with a Purple Heart emoji.

 

“Sorry.” Chenle looked up at him apologetically. “It's my cousin, he probably wants to meet me somewhere.”

 

Jisung sighed. That meant he’d have to spend another day third wheeling Jeno and Jaemin again, as if he didn’t do that enough during the school year already.

 

“Hi!” Chenle answered the phone with a big smile on his face, and began conversing in rapid Mandarin.

 

Jisung had never been too fond of listening to people speak Chinese. He didn’t really have a reason for it, he just thought the language itself was unnecessarily pitchy and had too many tones for him to find pleasing. Chenle’s voice was different- it was soft and sweet, a little higher than it was when he spoke English, and the tones made him sound even more bouncy and excited than usual. It was the most adorable thing Jisung had ever heard, and he had to fight his instincts not to turn into a puddle on the spot.

 

Chenle bit his lip. “Yes, we can switch to English.” His voice fell to its lower register again, and Jisung tried not to pout.

  


“I have been practicing all day!” He smiled again. “I made a friend, his name is Jisung, he bought me breakfast!”

 

Chenle didn’t mention Lucy or Jaemin, or Jeno for that matter, and Jisung smiled to himself. He heard a muffled _Don't take food from strangers!_ from the smaller boy’s phone.

 

“He's not a stranger! He's very nice. He lives around here.” Chenle reassured. “No, I'm not at his house, I'm on the boardwalk with him… okay, I'll meet you there.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jisung saw Jeno and Jaemin walking back towards them, probably wondering why they'd been stopping so much.

 

“Okay! I'll see you soon, bye bye!” Chenle hung up the phone with a smile and looked up at Jisung again.

 

“Renjun wants me to go meet him at the playground. I don't know where that is, but he told me that you should show me.”

 

Jeno walked up then, with Jaemin draping over his arm like a Koala. “What are we showing him?”

 

“The playground.” Jisung answered, rolling his eyes at the two. “His cousin is there.”

 

\--

 

Chenle was very sociable, Jisung realized. He was easy to carry a conversation with, and he seemed to be able to talk about anything and everything. On the 20 minute walk to the playground at the east end of the boardwalk, he spoke almost the entire time, and his pronunciation seemed to get better the more he talked.

 

Jisung didn’t talk much in general, and Chenle’s voice sounded like music, so to say he was thankful would be an understatement.

 

“Okay, he’s here somewhere.” They stopped once they’d reached the blacktop. There were boys playing basketball on the court- Jisung recognized Yuta, one of Taeyong’s regulars, and waved- and there were kids overrunning the slides. Off in the distance, towards the far end of the blacktop, someone wearing an oversized T shirt and a sunhat was drawing a giant mandala with chalk.

 

Chenle pointed towards the mandala. “That’s him, on the ground. I told you guys he does art stuff.” They began to make their way over.

 

The mandala wasn’t really too big, Jisung realized as they walked closer. Renjun was just really fucking tiny.

 

The artwork was as intricate as Renjun could manage, considering it was being drawn with sidewalk chalk, and the curls of white drifting away from the swirls of the design helped it transition into the paint of the blacktop. He had a chunk of purple in his hands and was drawing large hoops along the edge of another circle, his tongue poking out in concentration.

 

Renjun looked over, saw them, and stood up. There were splotches of color around his shoulders along the sides of his jeans and his hands were stained a light lavender by the chalk. A bright patch of blue lined his cheekbone, and his shoes had stripes of colors lining the laces.

 

If Chenle was small, then Renjun must’ve been microscopic. His shoulders were narrow and his hands were small, it only made the chalk look larger in his hands. He must’ve been a head shorter than both Jisung and Jaemin.

 

“Does being short, like, run in your family or something?” Jisung muttered under his breath.

 

“No, Sicheng is pretty tall!” Chenle answered with a smile.

 

He must’ve still said that loud enough for Renjun to hear, because the shorter boy scowled at him and answered, “It means we’re closer to Satan.”

 

Chenle snickered next to him. “This is Jisung.” He said brightly. “He taught me what a dime bag was!”

 

Renjun’s expression was less than amused.

 

“Uh…” Jisung cleared his throat. “Hi. I'm Jisung.”

 

The shorter boy’s eyes narrowed. “You go to my school. You’re friends with Donghyuck.”

 

“I, uh, haven’t seen you around anywhere, are you sure about that?” Jisung glanced back at Jeno and Jaemin, who were both checking Renjun out, looking him up and down with their mouths hanging wide open. Fucking idiots.

 

Renjun sighed.  “We need to go back home. Mom wants us back, she wants to introduce you to all of her friends.”

 

Chenle’s shoulder slumped and his ukulele drooped in his grip. “Why? I’m having fun. Jisung is fun to talk to.”

 

Renjun snorted. “Yeah, because you were probably talking the entire time.”

 

“Jisung is a good listener.” Chenle retorted, smiling a little and glancing back up at him and _oh, god_ , _that was the cutest fucking thing Jisung had ever seen_ -

 

“It’s good.” Renjun said. “You need to practice your English more. Auntie wants you completely fluent by the time you have to go back home.” He sighed again, wiping his hands on his jeans and leaving streaks of lavender on his thighs. “Mom wants us back, like, soon, we should probably go.” He walked back over to the base of his mandala and began packing his chalk back up.

 

Chenle turned back to Jisung and looked back up at him, smiling again. His cheeks were tinged pink. Probably from the sun, Jisung thought.

 

“Thank you for, um, showing me around and stuff.” His face flushed a little brighter. “I was nervous, when Renjun said I could go off on my own, but I had a lot of fun with you.”

 

Jisung fidgeted with his hands, looking around nervously. “I, uh, thanks- I mean, no problem-” He mentally slapped himself. Why couldn’t he just _stop being awkward for once and learn to take the fucking compliment-_

 

“Chenle, lets go,” Renjun said, bag of chalk in hand.

 

“Bye, Jisung!” Chenle smiled and waved, turning back to follow Renjun off the blacktop.

 

Jisung looked over at Jeno and Jaemin, whose eyes were both fixed on Renjun’s ass as he walked away. “Fucking idiots.” he mumbled, pulling out his phone to check the time.

 

He had a spam of texts from Mark and Donghyuck, asking him to come to Mark’s apartment to roll a blunt for them because Donghyuck didn’t want to fuck up his nails and Mark couldn’t roll for shit, a missed call from Yukhei- Jisung had forgotten that he owed him a gram- and a few messages in the group chat with Johnny and the other guys asking who was making the delivery to Leetuk tomorrow.

 

Just as Jisung was typing out a brief _I can do it_ , he heart footsteps running towards him again and looked up.

 

Chenle had run back, slightly out of breath with his cheeks flushed and his phone in hand. Renjun was waiting back at the gate to the park, looking back impatiently.

 

“Um, your number.” He panted. “Can I have your number? So we can hang out again tomorrow?”

 

Jisung stared back blankly. “Um, okay.”

 

Chenle opened a new contact on his phone and handed it to Jisung, who typed his number and handed it back.

 

“Thank you.” The shorter boy smiled up at him, his cheeks were pink again. “So, I’ll um, see you tomorrow?”

 

“Uh, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jisung smiled awkwardly, trying to ignore how his heart seemed speed up a little.

 

“See you tomorrow.” Chenle echoed, giggling and running back to Renjun.

 

Behind him, Jeno cleared his throat and Jisung looked back at the pair.

 

“We’ve come to an agreement.” Jaemin said, his voice low, almost like he was in a trance.

 

“An agreement.” Jeno nodded in confirmation. “We’re gonna try to smash.” His eyes were still glued to Renjun as he walked further down the boardwalk.

 

His phone buzzed in his hand, a snapchat from Yeri. It was a selfie of her in the back room of her job, holding up the last bite of brownie with the dog filter on her face, with the caption “ _ur lucky ur weed is good_ _also please go to mark’s house and roll for him, he’s on the phone crying.”_

 

Jisung groaned, opening up his conversation with Mark. This was going to be a long summer.


	3. greyhound all the way to the galapagos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Weezer's King of the World
> 
> EXO mentions are not just shameless EXO plugs!! They're popular in China and it'd make sense for Chenle to be a fanboy bc he's, you know, lived in China his entire life in this story, plus even irl he worships yixing's ass so that's why it's here

Jisung woke up the next day to a spam of texts on his phone.

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:04_ **

_Hey! It's Chenle_

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:04_ **

_I had a lot of fun yesterday with you, thank you for showing me around!_

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:05_ **

_The boardwalk is so cool! I can't believe you actually live on a beach._

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:05_ **

_Are most of the people we saw yesterday tourists or is it mostly residents?_

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:05_ **

_Renjun explained to me what “residential beach area” meant last night and now I'm going to try to use the word resident in everything because it's fun to say!_

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:06_ **

_Oh, you’re probably sleeping still, right?_

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:06_ **

_I’m still not completely in America time yet… I forgot what it's called in English, but my body is in China time still._

 

**_1xx-xxxx-xxxx_ **

**_06:07_ **

_Oh well. Text me when you wake up!_

 

Jisung sighed, rubbed the crust out of his eyes, and added Chenle as a new contact in his phone.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:08_ **

_It's called jetlag_

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:08_ **

_Oh, you’re awake!_

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:08_ **

_Well you kinda spammed my phone so_

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:08_ **

_Sorry about that (*´∀`*)_

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:08_ **

_It's fine, my mom usually wakes me up kinda early anyway_

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:08_ **

_I thought you said you lived with your brother and his friends?_

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:09_ **

_One of his friends is basically my mom so that's usually what I call him_

 

He sighed, sitting up in his bed and stretching. There was no use going back to sleep now, but he could use the rare opportunity of being the only one awake to take a quick shower and make himself some breakfast.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:10_ **

_Oh, that's strange, but cool!_

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:10_ **

_My whole family situation is weird_

 

He bit his lip. Shit, that made it seem like it was something he was open to talking about, which Jisung absolutely positively was _not_. He typed out another message before grabbing a towel from the closet.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:10_ **

_it's better not to ask questions_

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:10_ **

_Okay!! So do you want to hang out today?_

 

Jisung sighed in relief and turned the water on, stripping off his sleep clothes and grabbing his phone to text Chenle back.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_06:11_ **

_Yeah, I just gotta shower and stuff_

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_06:11_ **

_Okay, let me know when you get out! I'll be at the boardwalk ❤️_

 

He felt his cheeks flare up, and quickly closed out of his texts. Out of sight, out of mind. Instead, he opened his Spotify and put Blue Neighborhood on shuffle.

 

If there was one thing he’d learned from being around Ten for half his life, it was that Troye Sivan was _always_ the solution.

 

\--

 

They’d ended up meeting an hour later in front of the ice cream shop. He’d decided to ditch the longboard today- Chenle would be walking, and it was just an extra weight to carry around- but his backpack was still slung over his shoulder. In it held a mason jar full of Sour Diesel, a grinder full of Gorilla Glue #4, a few grams of Grandaddy Purple wrapped separately for Yukhei and Donghyuck respectively (which he needed to deliver at some point today) and his matching paper and lighter set.

 

The papers were a little too thick for his taste and the lighter was kind of cheap, but they were limited edition and aesthetically pleasing, so Jisung really couldn't complain.

 

Chenle didn’t have much, only his little blue ukulele again. Jisung briefly wondered if he could somehow find a way to make the smaller boy sing for him, but pushed the thought out of his head as quickly as it had come.

 

"So," Chenle said, after they'd started walking. "What did you do yesterday after I left?"  
  
"Uh, I had to go help my friend Mark with something, because he's stupid, and then I went to dance practice."  
  
"Oh! You dance? That's so cool!" Chenle smiled up at him.  
  
Jisung tried to ignore the fluttering in his chest. "Yeah, I guess."  
  
"What kind of dancing do you do? Like, do you do kpop dance covers? I love watching those!"  
  
Jisung frowned. "Uh, I never really got into kpop."

 

"You should!" Chenle bounced excitedly as he walked. "I know I said I liked EXO yesterday, and my bias- my favorite member- he's the main dancer. His name is Lay, well, that's his stage name anyway-" Chenle kept talking, explaining about groups breaking up and about some kind of hiatus, Jisung zoned out to what he was actually saying.  
  
His voice was soft and clear, and got higher and more animated when he got enthusiastic. Just as the day before, his accent became less noticeable the more he talked. _Auntie wants you completely fluent by the time you have to go back home_ , Jisung remembered Renjun saying the day before. Even if his vocabulary wasn't at a high school level yet, he seemed to be able to pronounce the words just fine. And, even if his tongue still caught on a syllable every so often, well, Jisung thought that made him even cuter.

 

“-and then the other main dancer, too, that’s the one I think you’d like a lot, his name is Kai, and he’s really tall! He’s like 182 cm! And he’s not even the tallest, Chanyeol is absolutely huge-”

 

Jisung would have normally snorted at that, but he couldn’t tease Chenle even if he wanted to, so he just settled on smiling sympathetically. “You’re not used to being around tall people, are you?”

 

Chenle blushed and nodded a little. “My cousin, the one you didn’t meet, is the tallest person I know.”

 

“I have some tall friends. Yukhei is, like, 6’3.”

 

“I- uh, I don't know feet and inches.” He pouted a little.

 

“I- well, I can't really help with that.” He smiled apologetically, but it ended up looking like more of a grimace, and oh, god, stop being awkward-

 

“That's okay!” Chenle perked up again. “I can stop talking about EXO now, I could see you weren’t listening.” He giggled.

 

Jisung blushed a little and looked to the ground. He didn't like it when his lack of enthusiasm was pointed out, it made him feel like a bad person, which he wasn't, Chenle’s voice just _happened_ to be nice to listen to.

 

“So what are you planning on doing with me today?” A smile played at the corner of Chenle’s lips, and there was a light dust of pink on his cheeks.

 

“Well,” Jisung bit his lip. “Um, it’s your summer vacation. I live here. You tell me what you want to do.”

 

He looked up, he was thinking. “I want you to take me around on a normal day for you. I want to see what your life is like.”

 

Jisung stopped walking for a second. “Um, I’m not sure if that's a good idea-”

 

“Yes it is!” Chenle beamed up at him. “Renjun is boring. He never does anything fun. He just sits and paints and draws all day. I want someone to make this summer fun.”

 

Jisung thought for a second. “I don't know…”

 

“Will you make my summer fun, Jisungie?”

 

He swallowed. That was a loaded question.

 

“Please?” Chenle looked up at him and tilted his head, pouting a little, and _oh god was he making fucking puppy dog eyes_ -

 

“Okay.” Jisung said before he could think twice about it.

 

Chenle giggled up at him. “Yay! Okay, so, take me where you go on a normal day.”

 

Typtically, Jisung would be dancing out in front of the ice cream shop on a day like this. That was what he’d always done before Chenle took his spot yesterday, and he was a little nervous about the smaller boy seeing him dance anyway. He had the drugs in his backpack, he needed to make those exchanges, but Yukhei and Donghyuck both liked to sleep in, so that was out of the question for now.

 

“Lucy is probably awake. We could meet up with her.”

 

Chenle’s smile faltered, but he forced it back quickly. “Okay, where is she?”

 

“We have like… a spot we usually meet up at, if we don't find each other on the boardwalk first.”

 

His smile disappeared again. “Oh… okay. Can you, uh, take me there?” His accent was a little heavier.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

\--

 

The [spot](https://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpreviews.123rf.com%2Fimages%2Fandreyug%2Fandreyug1704%2Fandreyug170400060%2F75450187-tropical-beach-with-big-round-rocks-in-tranquil-transparent-sea-and-blue-vibrant-blue-sky.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.123rf.com%2Fphoto_75450187_tropical-beach-with-big-round-rocks-in-tranquil-transparent-sea-and-blue-vibrant-blue-sky.html&docid=4gxn-RwYkGoIhM&tbnid=_ZMmGmiEZfDX_M%3A&vet=1&w=1300&h=866&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim) in question was a clearing on the beach that went past the end of the boardwalk. It was surrounded by large rocks and when the tide was high, they sat on the smaller rocks around the edges to avoid getting their shoes soaked. It was isolated and there was a flat stone to roll on, which was all Jisung and Lucy needed when they’d deemed it their special place in fourth grade.

 

The entire walk there, Chenle talked animatedly about EXO again, and it seemed to brighten his spirits quite a bit. Jisung tried to follow along, but he lost track when the smaller boy started talking about a Mandarin unit and how much of a mess it was.

 

“-and there are rumors of a summer comeback too!” Chenle clapped his hands. “Isn't that fun? I want to show it to you. Usually, when they have comebacks, Renjun will stay up late and FaceTime me so we can watch them together.” He smiled up at Jisung again.

 

“Oh, that's cool. I don't really FaceTime people.”

 

Chenle nodded along, with a bounce in his step. “When are we going to be there?”

 

“Soon, it’s right over there.” He pointed to the rock formation a hundred feet in front of them.

 

“That’s just a bunch of rocks-”

 

“Exactly.” Jisung grinned, stepping on top of one of the rocks and looking at Chenle for him to follow.

 

“Oh- I… I don’t think I can climb up there like that, my legs are too short.”

 

Shit, Jisung thought. That’s really fucking cute.

 

“Um, hold on, I’ll…” He squared off his stance, holding out a hand for Chenle to grab onto.

 

Chenle took a deep breath and braced his foot on the rock before pulling himself up (with Jisung’s help) onto the rock.

 

He regained his balance by holding onto Jisung’s shoulders, which made the taller’s cheeks flare bright red and looked out over the rocks to the sea. “Thank you,” he breathed. The waves reflecting in his eyes and his mouth was hanging open a little, the sea breeze pushing his hair back from his forehead and the sunlight against his cheeks made him look like he was glowing.

 

Chenle was really, _really_ pretty, Jisung decided.

 

“I have a question.” Chenle spoke softly, still looking out at the ocean.

 

“Uh, yeah, what’s up?”

 

“Well, a few questions, actually.” The shorter boy turned back to him and leaned down to jump off the rock and into the sandy clearing in the center.

 

Jisung followed, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Chenle was probably going to ask about his home life some more, and he’d be forced to tell him, because he couldn’t avoid Chenle’s curiosity for much longer, the shorter boy was too cute and sweet for his own good-

 

“How old are you?”

 

Jisung blinked, a few times. That wasn’t what he had been expecting at all. “I’m fifteen.”

 

“Really?” Chenle beamed. “I’m fifteen too! I thought for sure you’d be older, because you’re so much taller. You act really grown up,”

 

They sat on the sand, criss cross applesauce and facing each other.

 

“When’s your birthday?” Chenle bounced a little.

 

“February 5th.” He answered. “2002.”

 

“Oh, mine is November 22nd, except I’m 2001! I guess that makes me older.”

 

“Yeah, it does.” Jisung smiled a little at that, running his fingers through the sand.

 

“Do all of your friends speak Korean?”

 

Jisung thought for a minute. He didn’t quite know how to explain it.  “Some do, yeah. It’s kind of… the business language around here. Keeps the white people from knowing what’s going on.”

 

Chenle giggled at that.

 

“Jeno and Jaemin do, because Jaemin’s family still speaks it at home.” He continued. “I do too, a little bit. Taeyong and Johnny always nag me about practicing and shit, ‘cause I’m gonna take over the business when I’m older.”

 

“Does.. does Lucy speak Korean too?” His face fell when he mentioned her name.

 

“Yeah, but she doesn’t like to. She only does when she’s at my house.”

 

“She’s at your house a lot?” He bit his lip.

 

“Well, yeah. She basically lives there.” Shit, wait, he shouldn’t have said that. Lucy didn’t like her business out in the open, he was walking on eggshells even hinting it to Chenle.

 

“She’s…. She’s not your girlfriend, or anything, right?” He had taken to absentmindedly tracing the ridges of his ukulele with his fingers.

 

“Oh god, absolutely not. I don’t like girls, Lele.”

 

Chenle blushed at that, and Jisung wondered why, until he realized he’d let a nickname slip out.

 

“Shit, sorry, I should have asked-”

 

“Lele,” Chenle tried out the name on his tongue. “It’s okay. It’s cute. I like it. You can keep calling me that, if you want.”

 

“I-” Jisung was blushing too now, and oh, _god_ , this was so _awkward_ , why couldn’t he just _keep his mouth shut_ -

 

“You’re cute.” Chenle said, looking him straight in the face, and if Jisung wasn’t blushing enough already, he definitely was now.

 

Luckily, Chenle seemed to pick up on the awkward vibes, so he cleared his throat and opened his mouth to ask another question.

 

“Why do you call your brother’s friend your mom?”

 

Oh, that was a loaded question. That was definitely something he didn’t want to entirely answer, so he settled on a shorter half-explanation instead.

 

“Um, my actual mom, like my spawn point-”

 

“Spawn point?”

 

“Where I was, like, birthed.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“Yeah, she’s not around, and when we moved in with Taeyong he took care of me a lot.” He took care of Lucy, too, but Jisung decided not to include that for her sake. “And, like, he became my parental figure, and one day I called him mom by accident and it kinda stuck. His name is _Eomma_ in my phone. And when Lucy gets in trouble at school it’s always him that comes to pick her up, and she doesn’t get in too much trouble, ‘cause he’s really scary looking. But he’s not scary. He has, like, no friends, except for our customers and shit, and the other people in the business.” Jisung was rambling at this point, this is why he didn’t let himself talk-

 

“He’s Lucy’s mom too?” Chenle asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

 

Oops. He shouldn’t have let that slip. Now he needed to give some sort of explanation.

 

“Yeah, kind of.” He tried to think of the best way to dodge the question.

 

“ It’s kind of the same situation, except she doesn’t live with us. She just…” She comes over when shit is rough at home. _No, that wouldn’t do._ She stays the night when she’s afraid she won’t wake up. _That wouldn’t work either._ She sleeps in my bed when she’s too bruised to walk the whole way home. _That definitely wasn’t the right thing to say._  “She’s… she helps with business.” He finished. It wasn’t a total lie, at least.

 

Chenle seemed satisfied at that answer. “What about your other friends? Yesterday you said I’d meet a bunch of people. And you have that friend that Renjun knows.”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah.” He sat up a little straighter. “Donghyuck. He probably knows Renjun from art classes, cause I’m pretty sure Duckie takes those.”

 

“Duckie?”

 

“Oh, it’s his nickname. His old babysitter used to call him that, so now all of us do. Like, our squad.”

 

“What’s a… squad?” He struggled on connecting the _s_ and the _q_ , and if that wasn’t the most adorable thing in the world, Jisung didn’t know what was.

 

“It’s like our friend group.” Jisung explained. “That’s what you call your group of friends that stick together. Our squad.”

 

“Squad…” Chenle repeated a few times under his breath, testing the word on his tongue. “Am I part of your squad too?”

 

Jisung smiled, trying to ignore how hot his cheeks felt. “Yeah, you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo whats goin on w/ lucy??? shits gonna get juicy


	4. there's gotta be some butterflies somehwere (wanna share?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from dodie's Would You Be So Kind

“You’re not slick, you know,” Lucy said as she jumped off the rock and into the clearing.

 

Chenle and Jisung had been talking for the better part of an hour- about anything and everything, with Jisung trying to steer the questions away from his past at all costs. Chenle seemed to catch onto that, and started to ask more lighthearted questions instead. 

 

Lucy showed up right in the middle of their conversation about Jisung’s inability to ride a bike. 

 

“Lucy, why can't Jisungie ride a bike?” Chenle whined. “That's the one thing everybody can do!”

 

“Jisungie is too stupid to walk in a straight line,” she said, sitting next to them. “What makes you think he could operate any kind of vehicle?”

 

Chenle laughed, harder than he ever had before, so loud and high and clear that it sounded like  he was screeching.

 

It was the most beautiful sound Jisung had ever heard.

 

Lucy coughed a little, and turned her head to look at him. “Jisungie, can you roll a joint for me?” 

 

“Yeah, sure,” He replied, reaching for his bag. “Why? It’s early for you.”

 

“Linda.” She rolled her eyes. Linda was her mother’s first name. Normally, Lucy would elaborate, but Jisung knew she wouldn’t with Chenle here.

 

Jisung pulled the grinder, papers, and his lighter out of the front pocket of his backpack. “Gimme a rock.”

 

Lucy leaned over to to grab a large stone with a flatter side and firmly dropped it onto the sand in front of him. He twisted the grinder a few times for good measure and unscrewed the cap, then opened it and swirled it around the pan with his finger. 

 

Chenle’s eyes widened and he coughed a little. “Does it always smell like that?”

 

Oh, shit, he’d forgotten to ask Chenle if he was okay with other people smoking around him. He probably wasn’t, god, why was he so  _ stupid _ -

 

“Well, kind of. Depends on the strain, every one of them smells a little different,” Lucy explained. “This is one of the strongest smelling ones.” Her voice was slower, calmer, clearer with her consonants than usual, and Jisung thanked every diety to ever exist that she was making an effort not to freak Chenle out too much.

 

“It’s….” he sniffed again. “It’s not bad, Just very… different.”

Jisung let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Yeah, you could say that.”

 

“What’s… like, you said that different...  _ strains _ smelled different. What’s a strain?”

 

Lucy grinned, clapping her hands. “You’re about to get some education.” She launched into a full explanation of Sativa and Indica, the differences between them and the highs that you get, and then started talking about subgroups within them and hybrids and the differences in appearance.

 

In the meantime, Jisung began to roll.

 

He was the best out of all his friends at it, the best in the family too, even better than Johnny. Jeno told him it was because his hands were so big, but he knew Yukhei’s hands were as large as his and Yukhei couldn’t roll for shit. It was something he’d been able to do from the start; he’d naturally picked up on it from watching Johnny and Ten when he was younger, and when the time came for him to roll on his own, he flourished.

 

It was a blessing to Lucy too, she was the absolute worst roller known to man. They’d even had a conversation about it last week.

 

(“If you want to officially be part of the business, you’ve gotta get better at rolling,” Jisung said, licking at the paper and smiling a little. “What if I die or something?”

 

“If I die, you die too, dumbass,” She smiled back, “I wouldn’t let you go down alone.”)

 

Jisung held the paper in his hands, keeping his thumb on the filter and his other fingers on the backside. He gently curled his fingers, keeping the back stable, and tucked the front edge between the weed and the back end of the paper. 

 

“Jisung’s family specializes in edibles, although they deal a lot of other stuff too,” he heard Lucy explaining, “You can, like, infuse the cannabis oil into the butter and anything that involves butter, you make it with the weed butter instead, and it becomes an edible.” 

 

Chenle looked absolutely fascinated, even if he couldn’t understand all of the words. His eyes were flicking between Lucy and the half-rolled joint in Jisung’s hands. 

 

He must have noticed Jisung staring at him, because he gave him a soft smile and looked away blushing. 

 

By the time Lucy was finished explaining the basics of their job, the joint was tight and slightly damp from his tongue, and Jisung was running a lighter along the seam to dry it down. 

 

“You want some too?” Lucy asked Chenle, and the smaller boy visibly tensed up. 

“I- no thanks, I’m…” his voice was softer now, more cautious. “I don’t think I’m ready to try yet. Maybe next time.” He smiled politely and fidgeted with his sleeves.

 

Lucy shrugged. “Okay, suit yourself. Jisung’s got an endless supply anyway, so if you ever wanna try, just let one of us know.” She grabbed the joint and lighter from Jisung’s hand, twisting the free end to a point and placing the filtered end between her lips. 

 

Jisung dusted the weed flakes off his hands and closed his grinder, then packed his stuff back in his bag. 

 

“Doesn’t the smell get everywhere?” Chenle asked, keeping his eyes trained on the lit end of the joint.

 

“When you’re inside, yeah,” Jisung zipped the backpack, “But like, we’re outside, and it’s also windy, so you’ll be fine.”

 

Chenle nodded and scrunched his nose up when Lucy exhaled. “I’m.. not used to this.”

 

“We can leave if you want to.” Jisung glanced up at Lucy, who was twisting the joint around in her hand, inspecting the edges. 

 

“No, this is good. I want to learn about it. I want to learn more about you.” Chenle blushed at the last part, keeping his eyes trained on the sand.

 

“I-” Jisung’s breath caught in his throat and his face grew warmer. “Okay.”

 

“Again, not slick, Ji.” Lucy inhaled again, laid back onto the sand, and blew smoke up into the sky.

 

“Shut up.” Jisung shot back, leaning over to pluck the joint from her hand. 

 

“So Chenle,” Lucy sat up again, dusting some of the sand off her thighs. “You’re staying here with Renjun for the summer, right?”

 

The shorter boy nodded. “And Sicheng too, but like I said before, he’s not around much.”

 

“And, like, Renjun’s mom is cool with you being out and around and stuff?”

 

“Well,” Chenle looked up, like he was trying to figure out how to piece the words together. “She’s very loose with things. She lets Renjun and Sicheng handle themselves.” His gaze shifted to the curls of smoke escaping Jisung’s lips. 

 

“And, since I’m here for the whole summer,” he continued, “and I’m not that much younger than Renjun is, she’s not caring too much with me either.” He shrugged, poking at the strings on his ukulele. 

 

“Renjun skipped the last day of school to show me around, a little bit, but he was driving, so I couldn’t really… get it.” He was blushing again. “I’m… happy you guys are showing me around.” 

 

“We’re happy to show you around too.” Lucy smiled and Jisung handed her back the joint. 

 

“Lele, are you, um, sure you’re okay with this?” Jisung was fidgeting nervously still, the drug hadn’t kicked in yet. “Like, us smoking around you, I mean.”

 

“Well…” He thought for a minute. “Not quite, but I want to be okay with it.” he smiled up at Jisung, his cheeks flushed. “I want to be part of what you do.”

 

If it was possible for a human to burst into flames on the spot, Jisung knew he would have done exactly that.

 

Lucy coughed and handed Jisung the joint, “Anyway,” she said loudly, completely ruining the mood, “Duckie wants his gram.” She pulled out her phone, which had been buzzing throughout their entire conversation. “He says he wants us to meet us down at the beach.”

 

Jisung groaned. “Does that mean Mark is gonna be there?” 

 

Lucy smirked, her eyes twinkling. “Yup. probably Jae and Yukhei too.”

 

“Oh, aren’t  _ you _ excited.” Jisung rolled his eyes. 

 

She leaned over and blew her smoke in his face. “Just because you don’t have a sweet tooth doesn’t mean you need to take away everyone else’s eye candy.”

 

“Fuck you.” He shook his head, trying to hide his smile, and plucked the joint from her fingers again. 

 

“Who are those people?” Chenle piped up. “Um, I remember hearing you talk about Yukhei yesterday, but I don’t know him. Or the other two.”

 

“Yukhei is-” Jisung started. Lucy interrupted,

 

“-the hottest piece of ass you’ve ever seen.”

 

“He’s not even that hot!” Jisung argued, pouting.

 

“You’re, like, ace! Your opinion doesn’t count!”

 

“I’m not ace, Lucy, I’m  _ gay _ for fucks sake-”

 

“You’re blind.” She sat back, smirking at him. 

 

Jisung huffed and rolled his eyes, bringing the joint up to his mouth to hide his smile. He was reasonably high now- not fucked up, but definitely more relaxed than normal. It was self-medication. 

 

“....so who’s Yukhei?” Chenle was biting his lip, clearly amused.

 

Jisung was inhaling at that moment, so Lucy spoke up. “He’s a couple years older than us- I’m assuming you’re our age- and he’s like 6’3 and half-Thai and the most beautiful man on the planet.” She stared wistfully out at the sea. “He doesn’t wear a lot of shirts.”

 

“That’s his only redeeming quality.” Jisung exhaled, ghosting the smoke into his nose and breathing it out through his mouth again. “He’s, like, the stupidest person on the planet.”

 

“Whoa, how did you do that?” Chenle’s eyes widened, and he leaned in closer to Jisung. The younger saw his eyes were glassy, his pupils a little unfocused. “That’s like, so cool.”

 

Chenle didn’t seem out of it, per say, he just seemed a little… off. He was having trouble holding eye contact and his shoulders were slightly slumped.

 

“Um, Lele, I think you got secondhand.” Jisung blushed and Lucy giggled in the background. 

 

“What’s that?” he pouted a little. 

 

“Secondhand high.” Lucy explained, playing with the pink streak in her hair. “Like, when you’re around people that are smoking it, you end up breathing in some of the smoke in the air, and you get a little high too.”

 

Chenle sat back, tensing in panic, until Jisung placed a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’ll go away in, like, twenty minutes.” He said, giving him a little smile. 

 

“I… okay.” he relaxed a little, blushing at the touch on his shoulder.

 

Lucy pulled out her phone, texting something to someone, and Jisung felt his buzz in his back pocket. 

 

**_the bane of my existence_ **

**_09:17_ **

_ you’re flirting _

 

**_the bane of my existence_ **

**_09:17_ **

_ im proud of you _

 

**_the bane of my existence_ **

**_09:17_ **

_ god put marijuana on this earth so jisung park could learn how to flirt _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_09:18_ **

_ why are you texting me, you speak fluent korean _

 

**_the bane of my existence_ **

**_09:17_ **

_ fuck you _

 

He sighed and put his phone back in his pocket, taking another drag. Chenle wasn’t saying anything, just plucking at his ukulele string again. 

 

“You know any Dodie songs?” Lucy asked, reaching over for Jisung to hand her the joint again.

 

“Dodie Clark?” he perked up, gripping the ukulele by the neck. “Yeah, I love her.” He grinned, accent more prominent than it usually would be.

 

Chenle pulled the ukulele into his lap and ran his fingers along each string, nodding and twisting one of the pegs ever so slightly. 

 

He took a breath and [strummed a chord](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRW1JcSRPgU), and Jisung inhaled so sharply he almost choked on his smoke. 

 

He  _ did  _ choke, once Chenle started singing and the words  _ would you be so kind as to fall in love with me? _   escaped from his mouth.

 

He was higher than he meant to get, and his mind was drifting into unwanted places. He needed to get his shit together. But Chenle’s voice was so nice, so melodic, so angelic, and seeing his little fingers against the frets of the ukulele just made Jisung want to hold them. He kept on listening, taking a few more hits than the standard puff puff pass (he didn’t want Lucy to get too stoned this early- she said very dumb things when she was high, most of which were amplified when she was around other people) and then passed it off, exhaling through his nose.

 

Lucy took the joint back and took the last few hits from it, butting it out against a rock right as Chenle finished his song. 

 

She shoved the roach into the smallest pocket in Jisung’s bag and sat up straighter, clapping and smiling, “That was so good!”

 

Chenle ducked his head, blushing like crazy, and giggled a little, “Thank you.”

 

Jisung just stared, eyes glassy with his mouth wide open in disbelief.

 

“Ji, we should go,” Lucy said, shoving his shoulder a little. He didn’t budge. “Jisung,” another shove, harder this time. “Jisung Park.” 

 

She snapped in front of his face, and he flinched. “What?”

 

“We need to go. Duckie really needs his weed.” She stood up, dusting the sand off the backs of her thighs, and held a hand out for Chenle. 

 

He accepted it, mumbling a little  _ thank you  _ under his breath, and Jisung stood up too, grabbing his backpack off the floor. 

 

They walked out of the clearing (with Jisung helping Chenle over the rock again this time, both blushing) and back towards the boardwalk.

 

“Did you... Um, did you like my song?” Chenle looked up at Jisung, gaze unsteady.

 

“Yeah, I did.” Jisung replied, smiling. “I liked it a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're confused on how he rolled the joint: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZefXtR3Igs


	5. there's the pitch, slow and straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Weezer's Perfect Situation
> 
> Jaehyun's friends are 97 line groupchat minus Jungkook and Dongmin lol

“Are all of your friends this stupid?” Chenle muttered, eyes narrowed in confusion at the sight in front of him.

 

Jisung had expected Donghyuck, Mark, Yukhei, and Jaehyun. Those four he could handle without getting too frustrated at their lack of basic intelligence. What he didn’t expect was all of Jaehyun’s friends from high school to be there, along with a few of their boyfriends and a stray white girl or two who seemed to follow Jaehyun around like lost dogs.

 

In total, there were about fifteen people gathered around Yukhei’s pickup truck in the parking lot, which was way too many dumbasses for Jisung to deal with, especially high.

 

“Donghyuck usually isn’t,” Jisung answered, watching the shorter boy place a hoverboard on the ground and gesture Minghao to get on. “But he has his moments.”

 

Instead of standing on the hoverboard, Minghao fell to his knees and situated himself so his elbows were on the foot pads and his legs and torso were lying on the ground behind him. 

 

The rest of the boys gathered into a circle. Lucy next to them screamed “Wait for me!” and ran over to join, situating herself between Yukhei and Jaehyun. 

 

Chenle glanced at the boys in the circle, then leaned a little closer to Jisung. “What are they…” 

 

“They do this all the time.” Jisung said. “It’s, like, a cult ceremony.” 

 

Minghao began [moving on the hoverboard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA95PE3-ChI), his legs swinging out behind him like the tail of a snake. As it passed each boy in the circle, they jumped over it. Minghao spun around a few times, until Mark didn’t jump fast enough and got his foot caught on his leg. He went down (dragging Donghyuck with him) and the circle separated just in time for Minghao to lose control of the hoverboard and run headfirst into the wheel of Yukhei’s truck.

 

The group erupted into laughter and dissolved the circle, with some kneeling to see if Minghao was okay and others playfully pushing each other around. 

 

“Minghao, the one on the hoverboard, he’s Chinese too.” Jisung said. “But you speak English a  _ lot _ better than he does.”

 

Chenle blushed at that, biting his lip to keep from giggling.

 

“It’s probably all the coke getting to his head.” Jisung continued, and the two began walking closer to the group. “We have… a couple Chinese friends, actually. I mean, not all of them are people I actually like, but there are some.” 

 

Chenle turned to him and looked up. “I’m, uh,  not sure if this is a rude question, I really don’t know how to ask it, but why are there so many Asians here? I thought America was supposed to have…” he looked up, trying to remember the word. “Diversity? Is that right?”

 

“Yeah, diversity,” Jisung’s cheeks flushed and he held back a smile. “And for the Asian thing, it’s pretty normal. There are some areas that have higher populations of certain ethnic groups and they kinda stick together, you know? Jaehyun used to live in Southern Connecticut, and he said it’s just like that over there with Hispanics. New York has a lot of Italians, and there’s a lot of Cubans in Miami. So yeah, it’s still mixed, but people generally tend to stick together with what they know and feel comfortable with. Most of the families have been here since the sixties, but some moved here later. Also, people move to be with family and friends, so a lot of us are related.”

 

Chenle’s expression was blank.

 

Jisung chewed on his lower lip, trying to figure out a way to explain it in simpler terms.

 

“People like to stick together. Especially in America, because things are still… not the best here.” He spoke a little slower, a little clearer than he normally would. “We just have a lot of East Asians here. It’s like that in other parts of America too, with other groups of people.”

 

Something seemed to click in Chenle’s brain, and he smiled brightly. “Oh, like how ot12 stans stick together!”

 

“What?”

 

“The stuff I told you about before, about Chinese members leaving.” He explained. “The people that like the original twelve. We stick together. We don’t really talk to the ot9 stans, but we do acknowledge that we’re all EXO-Ls.”

 

Now it was Jisung’s turn to be confused, but it sounded similar enough, so he nodded and smiled down at him. “Yeah, kind of.”

 

“But not all of you have Korean names…”

 

“Some of us do,” He said, glancing back at the group in front of them. “Lucy has a Korean name, she just doesn’t like it. Neither does Mark.”

 

Chenle nodded, turning back towards the cluster of dumbasses next to Yukhei’s truck. 

 

“Are you going to introduce me to people now?” He asked, eyeing Minghao, who was still on the ground. 

 

Jisung’s face flushed. “Yeah, if you want.” 

 

The two walked over to the crowd, where Donghyuck was waiting with a scowl on his face.

 

“Who’s this?” He looked Chenle up and down, obviously unimpressed.

 

Chenle stayed silent, mesmerized by Donghyuck’s face, and Jisung could see why. He probably wasn’t used to boys wearing makeup like that on the street.

 

“Chenle,” Jisung supplied. “He’s from China, he’s staying here for the whole summer.”

 

“Where’d you pick him up?” Donghyuck’s gaze was on the ukulele now, where Chenle’s knuckles were turning white from gripping the neck so hard.

 

“Um, outside the ice cream shop.”

 

“That’s not what I meant, Ji,” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, like,  _ why is he here _ .”

 

“He’s staying with his cousins over the summer.” Jisung glanced at the shorter boy next to him. His eyes were flitting all around Donghyuck’s face- the pink of his lips, the shimmer of his eyes, the glow of his cheeks.

 

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes. “Renjun?”

 

“Um, yeah.” Jisung shifted on his feet, sending a silent prayer to every deity of every religion he’d ever heard of that someone would save him from the situation at hand. 

 

Chenle must’ve been a mind reader, because all of a sudden his lips stretched into a grin. “Your makeup is so cool!” He exclaimed, accent a little heavier than usual. “Your cheeks are, like, shiny!”

 

Apparently, that wasn’t the right thing to say, because Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “It’s called  _ glow _ , Chenle.” he said his name the same way Lucy did, struggling on the last syllable. 

 

“Oh…” Chenle bit his lip, eyes falling to the pavement. Then he looked up again, a cautious smile on his face. “Well, your… glow is nice.”

 

“That’s better.” Donghyuck smirked a little, turning back to Jisung. “Where’s my weed, Ji?”

 

“I got it, hold on.” He unzipped his backpack and rummaged around, pulling out the neatly wrapped tinfoil ball and handing it over.

 

“Thanks, Ji.” He stuffed it into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“So Chenle.” Donghyuck said, pulling out a twenty and handing it to Jisung between his fingers. 

 

“Yes?” Chenle squeaked. 

 

“You’re Renjun’s cousin.”

 

“Yes, I am.” The younger nodded, clutching the ukulele to his chest. 

 

Donghyuck looked him up and down again, this time with a smirk on his face. “I guess the lack of height must run in the family.”

 

“You’re only saying that because it’s so hard for you to find people shorter than you-” Jisung tried to butt in, but was quickly interrupted. 

 

“How do you know my cousin?” Chenle stood up a little straighter, almost defensive. Jisung nearly melted on the spot.

 

“Art classes.” Donghyuck answered, examining his nails. They had color on them, but had a few chips compared to when Jisung had seen them yesterday.

 

“You do art too?” The shorter boy asked, tilting his head to the side. 

 

Donghyuck shrugged, letting his hands drop to his side. “A little, mostly took it to fill the elective spaces. And I could use the color theory practice, anyway.”

 

Chenle frowned a little, not quite understanding some of the words.

 

“He has free time at school,” Jisung said, leaning a little closer to him. “And he does makeup a lot, so learning about colors helps.” 

 

Chenle flashed a thankful smile his way (which definitely did  _ not _ make Jisung want to burst into flames) and turned back to Donghyuck.

 

“I’m sorry, my English isn’t the best still.” He mumbled shyly, blushing and death-gripping his ukulele again.

 

“It’s fine.” Donghyuck waved it off, giving Chenle a cautious smile.

 

The older turned back to Jisung. “I’m gonna ask this again, but you gotta answer legit. Where’d you pick this kid up?”

 

Jisung bit his lip. This was too much talking for him, even high. “Uh, he was singing.”

 

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow.

 

“He was in front of the ice cream shop.”

 

“But that’s your-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Jisung glanced nervously over at Chenle, who couldn’t keep his eyes on either of the boys in front of him. 

 

“Anyway,” Jisung continued, “He was singing, and I, um, I liked it, and then Lucy asked him out for breakfast.”

 

Donghyuck snorted. “Lucy had to make moves  _ for _ you?”

 

“Yes- no- shut up.” Jisung’s face flushed bright red. Luckily, Chenle didn’t seem to notice. 

 

“I heard my name!” Lucy shouted from across the crowd, grabbing Yukhei by his wrist and dragging him over to the three.

 

This was definitely too much social interaction for Jisung to handle. 

 

“Hey, Ji!” Yukhei dropped Lucy’s wrist, pulling Jisung into a headlock and ruffling his hair. “You brought me my gram?”

 

Chenle stared up at him, and his jaw dropped.

 

“Yeah, if you’d let me go, I could grab it for you.” Jisung shoved him off, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

 

He fished around in his bag for the package, trying to regain his composure. Fuck, Chenle probably thought he was hot, because everybody thought Yukhei was hot, and he wouldn’t want to hang out with Jisung for the summer, he would never get to hear his angel voice again-

 

“And what’s your name, cutie?” He felt Yukhei brush against his back as he stepped closer to Chenle.

 

Jisung wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear.

 

“Uh-” Chenle seemed to be at a loss for words, his voice coming out as more of a squeal. “Chenle. Zhong Chenle- wait, Chenle Zhong-”

 

He pulled out the tinfoil pack, zipping his bag up again and standing up straighter.

Yukhei was standing way too close to Chenle for comfort, both grinning at each other with stupid flirty smiles-

 

“Where are you from?” Yukhei’s looked the shorter boy up and down, eyes sparkling.

 

Jisung was going to throw up.

 

“China!” Chenle squeaked, eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

 

“I’m Chinese too, you know.” Yukhei’s voice was low and smooth, and Jisung kind of wanted to punch him in the face. “Half Chinese, half Thai.”

 

Jisung glanced over at Lucy and Donghyuck, who were both burning holes into the back of Yukhei’s head. 

 

“O-oh, that’s cool-” Chenle stammered. The grip on his ukulele was so tight Jisung thought his strings might break.

 

“Here.” Jisung stepped between the two of them, pressing the bundle to Yukhei’s chest and glaring up at him. 

 

“Thanks man!” Yukhei’s grin widened and he patted Jisung on the shoulder, oblivious to the tense atmosphere. 

 

He pulled a twenty out of his back pocket and handed it to Jisung, then turned his attention to Chenle over his shoulder.

 

“So how’d you get here?” Yukhei stepped to the side, so he was facing Chenle again.

 

“Uh, I’m staying here with my cousin, for the summer.” Chenle looked hypnotized, his eyes glued to Yukhei’s face, his words were rushed.

 

“The whole summer?” Yukhei raised an eyebrow. “Seems like a long time to be away from home.” He mused, pushing his hair back out of his face.

 

Chenle’s cheeks were bright red, and he nodded wordlessly, swallowing hard.

 

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Chenle, but I think I gotta bounce.” He glanced back at the crowd of his friends, a few of which were waiting in the flatbed of his truck. “I’ll see you around?”

 

Chenle nodded again, his eyes glued to Yukhei as he walked away.

 

Yukhei winked and walked away, waving at Chenle over his shoulder.

 

Jisung let out a breath and slung his bag over his shoulder. Lucy and Donghyuck were silent.

 

Chenle exhaled shakily. “Do boys always flirt like that here?”

 

“No.” Lucy’s eyes were trained on Yukhei, who was play-fighting Jaehyun, slapping the older like a girl. “Just him, mostly.”

 

“He looks like a god.” Chenle’s eyes were still blown wide, he looked dazed.

 

“He’s literally the dumbest person on the planet.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes, not even sparing a glance. 

 

“But he’s….”

 

“Eye candy.” Lucy confirmed. “Nice to look at, doesn’t have a lot going for him otherwise.”

 

Chenle nodded, turning back to Jisung, and he seemed to snap out of it, loosening his grip on his ukulele and letting his hands fall to his sides.

 

“Lele, let’s get out of here.” Jisung said, glancing back at the crowd. Mark was trying to catch Donghyuck’s attention, waving his arms wildly. He looked like one of those blow up dolls outside of a car wash.

 

“Hyuck, your boytoy wants you.” He said, smirking a little. 

 

“He’s not my  _ boytoy _ , Ji.” Donghyuck’s cheeks were bright red.

 

“Sure seems like it.” Lucy grinned, eyes sparkling. 

 

“No, Luce, he’s not-”

 

“Yes he is.” She giggled.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and turned to Chenle, narrowing his eyes at the younger. “I’m not done with you, China.” He said, looking him up and down one more time for good measure.

 

Chenle nodded, playing with the hem of his T-shirt. 

 

“And Jisung, be careful.” Donghyuck met his eyes, his expression as hard as stone.

 

Jisung swallowed hard and nodded, trying not to take it personally.  “I will.”

 

Donghyuck turned on his heel, marching back towards the truck and climbing into the flatbed, where Mark immediately planted a disgustingly loud smooch on his cheek. 

 

“Actually…” Lucy glanced at the truck, then back at Jisung. “I think I’m gonna tag along.” She took a step back. “See you later, Ji?”

 

Jisung knew what  _ see you later _ meant. “Text mom, tell him you’re staying over, or he’ll beat himself over not cooking enough. You know how he gets.”

 

“Will do.”She said. She gave a mock salute and grinned. “See you!” She turned and skipped towards the truck, hopping into the flatbed and taking a seat on Bambam’s lap. 

 

Yukhei drove off, blasting trap music down the entire parking lot. 

 

Chenle turned to the taller boy, a confused expression on his face. “That was…”

 

“Donghyuck is usually nicer.” Jisung said quickly. “He’s just…. He’s got a lot going on. He probably thought you were judging him.”

 

“Oh, not at all!” Chenle’s eyes widened in panic. “I don’t want him to think that! He’s just so…” He looked up, figuring out a way to explain himself. “Boys don’t look like that in China. He looks like an idol or something. I was just… I don’t remember the word….”

 

“Starstruck?” Jisung suggested. 

 

“Yeah, that. Starstruck.” The word sounded softer, coming from him, and all of Jisung’s anxieties seemed to melt away. 

 

“All of your friends are pretty.” He said, grinning. “Must be an American thing, because you’re pretty too.”

 

Jisung’s cheeks were on fire, his head was spinning. Being called cute was one thing. Being called pretty set off a completely different switch in his brain.

 

“I… uh, I think you…” His mind was in overdrive, trying to find a reply. “I think you’re pretty, too.” He mumbled, eyes darting around. 

 

“Thank you.” Chenle giggled, a light blush on his cheeks. “So are you going to show me around some more?”

 

“Oh, um, yeah.” Jisung was still flushed red, but his heart rate seemed to be slowing down a little.

 

“Lead the way, pretty boy.” Chenle smiled, his eyes curling into crescents, and,  _ god, how could someone be so fucking gorgeous- _

 

Jisung took a deep breath and started walking back towards the boardwalk, Chenle following close behind. 


	6. i'm holding on and i don't want to let you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Weezer's Feels Like Summer
> 
> a reminder that Jisung and Lucy aren't romantically involved in any way, they're just very close friends, please don't mistake their friendship for flirting!

“We’re having a party next weekend, for Tae’s birthday.” Johnny said over dinner that night. 

 

Lucy and Jisung locked eyes across the table. Parties at the apartment were risky- they had to be careful about smoking, keeping everything ventilated, and they had to keep the noise level down so nobody would be suspicious of illegal activity. For Lucy and Jisung, they were generally pretty lowkey- while all the adults were smoking and drinking in the living room and the kitchen, their younger friend group usually stayed holed up in Jisung’s room, passing a few joints and playing truth or dare.

 

“Who’s gonna be there?” Lucy asked, shoving a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth. 

 

“Ten and Jae,” Taeyong answered, licking his thumb and leaning over to wipe the sauce from her cheek. “Everybody at the warehouse, Donghae and all them.” Everybody who grew the weed they sold. “Taeil, all of our regulars, I think Jaehyun is bringing his other friends too.”

 

Jisung stabbed a meatball with his fork, frowning when it crumbled in half. “Can Jeno and Jaemin and everyone come?”

 

“As long as they stay in your room, yes.” Johnny smiled a little, swirling his fork in the sauce. 

 

Johnny and Taeyong were pretty lose in terms of parenting- if Jisung could even call it that- he was allowed to have any friends over, so long as they knew the ins and outs of the system.

 

Lucy looked at him and swallowed her spaghetti. “Ji, are you gonna invite Che-”

 

“Shut up!” He hissed, dropping his fork and glaring at her. 

 

Lucy held her hands up in defeat, then swirled a few noodles around her plate. “It was just a question.”

 

Taeyong and Johnny exchanged a look, but didn’t say anything.

 

\--

 

“No, but seriously, are you gonna invite Chenle to the party?” Lucy said later that night, as she rummaged around her drawer in Jisung’s dresser for a pair of pants to sleep in. 

 

“I don’t know.” He answered, cheeks dusted a light pink. “I’m nervous to.” Jisung was curled up on his side and using his arm as a pillow, flicking a lighter on and off. 

 

“He thinks you’re cute, you know.” She closed her drawer (empty handed) and pulled open another one, grabbing an old pair of Jisung’s pajama pants. “Close your eyes, I'm changing.”

 

Jisung sighed and turned around, covering his eyes with his hands. “A lot of people think I'm cute.”

 

“Well, you are.” He heard the rustling of clothes being dropped to the floor. “But like… he looks at you different.”

 

“What do you mean, he looks at me different?”

 

She was quiet for a second, pulling the shirt over her head. “Like, he looks at you like you're special. And you look at him like that too.”

 

The bed dipped next to him, and he opened his eyes. “I don't understand why you always have to wear my clothes.”

 

“You know why.” She grinned, leaning forward to boop his nose. It was a security blanket, something she knew she could always count on.

 

Jisung scrunched his face up and laid on his back, pulling out his phone.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_21:08_ **

_ I don't think I can hang out tomorrow :( _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_21:08_ **

_ I asked Renjun about the sparkly stuff on your friend’s cheeks and he told me it was called highlighter! He’s taking me to the store to get some tomorrow morning. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_21:08_ **

_ But do you want to hang out when I get back from the mall? _

 

Jisung grinned and shook his head, locking his phone and dropping it back down onto the pillow. He'd respond later, when he could trust himself to type without his fingers shaking.

 

“See, that's what I mean.” Lucy smirked, poking his side. “I've never seen you like this before, in eleven years of friendship.” 

 

Jisung’s face flushed. “I've known him for two days.”

 

“Doesn't matter.” She replied, reaching over to the nightstand to grab a joint (Jisung always kept one rolled) and a lighter. “It's summer, time works different.”

 

“What do you mean, time works different?” He sat up, leaning on his hands. 

 

“I  _ mean _ ,” she flicked the lighter on, letting it hover a few inches away from the tip of the joint. “If you wanna make something out of this, you gotta move fast.”

 

“I don't want to  _ make something out of this. _ ” He rolled his eyes, plucking the joint and lighter out of her hands. “He's cool, and I want to be his friend.”

 

“He's like, shorter than me. Any guy shorter than me isn't cool.”

 

Jisung lit the tip, inhaling long and slow. “You’re tall, for a girl. You don't count.”

 

Lucy shrugged, “Listen, Sungie, I just want you to be happy.” 

 

The smoke caught in Jisung’s throat and he coughed. He was not in the mood to get deep right now.

 

“I've known you for so long now,” she continued, grabbing his wrist to steady him and taking the joint back. “And you’ve never really liked anyone. Not even when we were little.” She put the filtered end to her lips and inhaled, letting her eyes fall shut. “And even though it's only been two days, it's the happiest I've ever seen you.” 

 

Lucy shifted so she was sitting next to him and draped her arm over his shoulder. “You know I love you, right?”

 

Jisung nodded, fiddling with the lighter in his hand.

 

“And I want you to be happy. Johnny does too, and so does Mom and Jae and Ten and Jeno and everyone else, too.” She took a drag from the joint. “You deserve something good.”

 

He flicked the lighter on, watched it burn for a few seconds, then let his finger slip away from the trigger. “I guess.”

 

“Hey, look at me.” She pulled back a little and turned to face him, lowering the joint from her mouth. Jisung turned to face her, biting his lip.

 

“You’ve been through more shit than anybody I know.” She said earnestly, looking into his eyes. “You’ve grown up so much since I've known you. Johnny too.”

 

Jisung nodded a little, a lump forming in his throat. 

 

“Do you remember the day we first met?” She asked, passing him the joint.

 

Jisung nodded and held it with shaky fingers, bringing it to his lips and taking a hit. Even if the high wouldn't set in for a few more minutes, the familiar feeling of smoke filling his lungs was enough to calm him down a little. 

 

“I thought you were going to die. You were so little and so beat up, you could barely walk.” Her voice cracked, and when Jisung looked up, her eyes were glassy. 

 

“But look at you now. You're taller than me, and you live in a real apartment, you’re the best dancer I know, and you have friends and a pretty fucking awesome job and the best family in the entire world.” She smiled a little at the last part. “You made it through, and I'm so, so proud of you.” 

 

Jisung exhaled and took another hit from the joint. “I'm proud of you too.” Lucy had been through her share of shit, with the absolute mess that her mother was.

 

She waved it off, clearing the smoke between them. “We’re talking about your baggage, not mine. Anyway, you deserve this. You deserve something good. Now, repeat after me. I deserve something good.”

 

“I deserve something good.” Jisung mumbled, looking off to the side.

 

Lucy frowned, taking the joint from his hand. “Again.”

 

He cleared his throat and looked back up. “I deserve something good.” He said a little louder.

 

“One more time.”

 

Jisung took a deep breath. “I deserve something good.” 

 

Lucy grinned, eyes crinkling. “Yes you do. Now finish this joint with me, and text him back.”

 

\--

 

Jisung woke up with Lucy starfished on top of him, drooling on his shoulder.

 

“Ugh, Luce, gross.” He mumbled, shoving her off and climbing out of bed.

 

One of her eyes popped open and she gave him a sleepy middle finger before turning over and closing her eyes.

 

He grabbed some clothes from his dresser and unplugged his phone, padding to the bathroom to shower. Ten had apparently come to stay over last night after him and Lucy had gone to bed, because his dance bag was out in the hall outside Johnny’s room and the smell of waffles was wafting through the apartment. 

 

He heard music, too, some old Kesha B-side that Jisung didn't know the name of, meaning Taeyong was probably cooking with him too.

 

It was comforting, when Ten was in the house. It reminded him of Johnny’s first apartment, where the stove didn't work. Ten would have to bring a single burner from home to make them dollar store oatmeal and they’d listen to Destiny’s Child while drinking coffee out of mugs they’d stolen from the diner down the road. It was funny, how some things never changed, even after Taeyong came into their life.

 

Jisung smiled to himself, closing the bathroom door and stripping his clothes. There was a sticky spot on his chest where Lucy’s drool had seeped through his shirt. Yuck. 

 

He turned the water on and opened his texts, only to be flooded with notifications from the squad group chat. Apparently, Donghyuck had added Renjun to it overnight, causing outrage amongst Yeri and Mark. Jisung would bet his life that Renjun wasn't too hot on the idea either, because now Jaemin and Jeno had his number. 

 

He scrolled down to his individual conversations, and saw another message from Chenle.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:46_ **

_ Good morning! I hope you slept well, I’m excited to see you later ❤️❤️❤️ _

 

Jisung’s face flushed and he quickly typed back a response.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:34_ **

_ I'm excited too, what do you want to do? _

 

He closed his texts and opened his music, shuffling Dodie and turning the volume up.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:34_ **

_ I want to spend more time with you! _

 

Dear god, Jisung was ready to combust-

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:35_ **

_ I also asked Renjun about the tall guy we met yesterday, and he said some very mean things in Chinese that I don't know how to translate into English yet. He also told me to not touch him with a ten foot pole or he’d cut my fingers off _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:35_ **

_ He seems a little bit like a fuckboy, anyway.  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:35_ **

_ Renjun taught me what that word meant today, and I'm very happy it exists! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:35_ **

_ Fuckboy fuckboy fuckboy!  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:36_ **

_ I like it because it has swears in it and it makes me feel cool to say. _

 

Jisung blushed and bit his lip. He’d happily stand in the bathroom texting Chenle all day until the water ran cold, but he had things to do, so he typed back a quick response and set his phone on the counter.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:36_ **

_ You don't have to swear around us if it makes you uncomfortable  _

 

He showered quickly, and when he got out, there was another spam of texts waiting for him.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:36_ **

_ Oh no, I usually swear a lot in Chinese! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:37_ **

_ I just don't know very many swears in English. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:37_ **

_ Renjun refuses to teach me how to swear properly in English, because he wants to “keep me pure.” _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:37_ **

_ He swears more than anybody I know, so I don't know what he's talking about. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:37_ **

_ Plus, I don't think I'm very pure  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:38_ **

_ I had to look up what pure meant, and I don't think the meaning fits me very well _

 

Jisung choked, feeling his face heat up again. Chenle probably had no idea what he was saying by that, but it still made his heartbeat speed up. 

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:49_ **

_ Idk man I think youre pretty pure _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:49_ **

_ You kinda look like an angel  _

 

There, a perfectly non-panic inducing response. Chenle didn't text him back immediately, so he got dressed and walked out into the kitchen.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:51_ **

_ I'm happy you think so! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:51_ **

_ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ _

 

A kissy face? What the hell was  _ that _ supposed to mean?

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:52_ **

_ My phone is going to die now, but I'll text you when I get back from the mall! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:52_ **

_ See you later, cutie ❤️ _

 

Fuck, Jisung’s heart should not have been beating as fast as it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise more chenle next chapter I'm sorry


	7. and it all makes sense to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from One Direction's Little Things.
> 
> I had to add angsty tags for this chapter but I swear it's all background info for filler characters

Dancing had always come easily to Jisung. 

 

Ever since Ten had come into his and Johnny’s life, back when Johnny would drop him at Ten’s house as a safe haven to escape their mother, Jisung had been dancing.

 

It started with Just Dance 2. Ten would sit him down on the couch and cut him apple slices and give him sugary soda even though Johnny said it was bad for his teeth. He’d turn on the Wii and ask Jisung what song he liked, and Jisung would always say  _ When I Grow Up _ (years later, Ten would say that’s how he figured out Jisung was gay) and they’d dance together, with Jisung somehow always coming out on top.

 

Sometimes Johnny would drop them off at an arcade for a day, and they’d hog the DDR machines for hours on end until the manager came over and told them to pick another game. 

 

When him and Johnny moved out, Ten was 17 and neck deep in studying for APs that he’d loaded his schedule with at the beginning of the year. He was generally good at managing his time, unless Jisung was involved.

 

He was at the apartment whenever he could be, and they would push all the furniture in the tiny living room to the sides to have a clear space to dance. 

 

He wouldn’t do his homework until long after he’d put Jisung to bed, and he’d keep himself up until Johnny had finished his shift at 2 in the morning just to say goodnight.

 

Ten would stay over on those nights, and it always ended with the three of them squished together into a tiny twin-sized bed, trying to squeeze in as much sleep as they could get before heading off to school in the morning. 

 

Ten could have gone a lot of places for college- probably could have gotten into Julliard or Berklee or some other place that was out of anybody else’s league. Johnny couldn’t stand the thought of him staying close to home for the two- he didn’t want to feel like he was holding Ten back. He wanted Ten to get himself out there, study dance at a university that would work him to his full potential. 

 

Ten stayed close, choosing UCLA over all of the other schools that offered him scholarships. He claimed it was easier to stay close to home, that there was less paperwork. 

 

Everybody knew it was because he didn’t want to leave Jisung and Johnny. 

 

Even when Taeyong came into the equation, falling for Johnny in just the same way, Ten hadn’t left. He lived in an apartment a few blocks from the main campus, but he always made sure to spend at least one night a week with them.

 

The dance crew started the summer before he went away. Ten had just graduated, and was afraid that Jisung’s love of dance would die once he moved into his college dorms. He wanted to create a space where kids like Jisung (who didn’t have money for lessons) could go to let loose and dance their frustrations away, without having to worry about their shitty home lives and their world crumbling around them.

 

The first person besides Jisung to join was Lucy, the two had been best friends their entire life and Lucy’s house was a constant war zone. It offered her an escape from her bipolar mother, gave her someplace to stay where her ears weren’t filled with mindless screeching. 

 

The next was Bin, who looked like a jock but had the softest, sweetest voice anybody had ever heard. His parents were alcoholics, both angry drunks, and even though most of their aggression was directed towards each other, Jisung had been witness to finger-shaped bruises on Bin’s wrist too many times for him to count. 

 

Minhyuk was after that- everybody called him Rocky, because his resting bitch face made him look stone-cold. In reality, though, he was just hopelessly socially isolated. His parents weren’t around often- his mother was a nurse at the local hospital, and his father was constantly traveling for business, leaving Minhyuk in the house alone most of the time. He had no relationship with them- they didn’t know his interests, or what he liked and disliked, they only knew his name and his age and that he was doing fine. 

 

Minhyuk had gone crazy in the house alone- tearing himself apart physically and mentally, bringing people over at too young an age to fill the empty space. Jisung didn’t want to know where he’d be now if Bin hdn’t found him and brought him to their dance crew.

 

Jeno and Jaemin had joined early on, too- Jeno’s father had kicked him out by that point, and once Jisung had learned that, he invited the two of them to come to a practice.

 

Jaemin had invited Donghyuck after that- Jisung only had a vague idea on his childhood baggage, but from what he could gather, his time at Catholic school wasn’t a pleasant one and his parents had done nothing to help him escape the situation. He’d started whoring himself out his freshman year, when him and Jisung had become friends, and only stopped once he’d started dating Mark last month. 

 

There were other girls there, too- Doyeon, Yoojung, and Lua. Lucy was closer to them than Jisung was, but from what Jisung could gather, Yoojung was in a similar parental situation to Minhyuk and Doyeon had been in love with Yoojung her entire life. 

 

Lua had no idea who her father was, and her mother had died from a cocaine overdose last December. Apparently her mother’s boyfriend had done some pretty nasty stuff to her, too. Jisung didn’t want to know the details. 

 

There were others that showed up occasionally- Yeri had been part of it for awhile, but had to stop coming once she started taking night classes at her community college. There was Chan, a short boy in Mark’s year, but he’d left to go to NYU. It was too expensive for him to fly back every summer, he was only there because he’d gotten a full scholarship.

 

They didn’t compete anywhere, there were no recitals to show off at. There was the community festival in August, where any musical act was welcome. Mark had been rapping there the past few years, and last year, Donghyuck performed a separate song on his own as well as their dance routine. 

 

It was casual- only meeting a few times a week, learning the main routine slowly through the summer, performing in duos and trios on the side for fun. It was where Jisung felt most at home, because he knew he wasn’t alone and there were others who could rise above the bullshit that had been thrown at them.

 

Nobody except Ten and Lucy (and Johnny, of course) knew what Jisung’s baggage was, which Jisung was completely okay with. What the other didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. Ten and Lucy didn’t even know the  _ full  _ story, only bits and pieces they’d put together from Johnny’s offhand comments. Jisung didn’t really like to talk about it, anyway, he preferred to repress and forget. He’d never talked openly about what went on in his mother’s house, and he had no intention of doing so. It was just easier that way. 

 

Although Jisung loved the dance crew, he felt much more in his element when he was on his own. He’d picked his spot at 12 years old- in front of the ice cream shop, because Sana, the owner’s daughter who had gone to school with Johnny and Ten, always gave him a free scoop of vanilla every time he came in.

 

The first summer, he danced every day there, and people left money in a little pile in front of his feet. The next day, he’d brought a spare snapback to place on the ground. It was full by lunchtime. 

 

In the late afternoons on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he’d ride his longboard (that he’d bought with the money he earned from dancing) down to an abandoned underpass that was halfway between the beach and the highway. That was where the dance crew would meet up to learn a new choreography or show what they’d put together on their own in their free time. He’d come home for dinner, and then sometimes he’d go back out again with Lucy if they weren’t tired enough to go to bed. 

 

The routine started up again the next summer, and the summer after that, too.

 

This year was different than the rest. From the moment Jisung heard Chenle singing in his spot he knew his summer routine would be fucked. He just never imagined it'd be  _ this _ fucked.

 

Jisung had never skipped a dance practice before, not even when he had strep throat last year. He’d gone to practice both times that week, opting to sit on the sidelines so his fever wouldn't run him into the ground.

 

Skipping practice wasn't uncommon- it wasn't like they were paying for it, and they were all pretty much delinquents anyway, skipping was in their nature. Lucy skipped more often than anyone- usually, the case was her mother taking control and forbidding her from leaving the house. Donghyuck skipped quite a bit last year, when his sleeping around had gotten to its worst point, and occasionally Jeno wouldn’t make it because he had to cover someone else’s shift at work. 

 

Jisung would normally never skip- the team was his home, and he didn’t have much else going for him. He felt like it was his duty- he was the whole reason Ten started this thing in the first place, and he felt awful not following through.

 

It wasn’t on purpose, Jisung rationalized in his head. The time had just gotten away from him. After Chenle had gotten back from the mall, they’d met up on the boardwalk again, then walked down to the rocks on the beach to chill for a little bit. 

 

Chenle was sitting on the sand, ukulele in his lap, playing his ukulele and singing to some song in Chinese that Jisung didn’t know. The tops of his cheeks were reflecting against the sun, and it was almost blinding- no doubt from the highlighter he’d bought earlier. It brought out a lot of his features that Jisung hadn’t noticed before- the deepness of his eyes and how high his cheekbones were.

 

He looked the best like this, Jisung thought. Playing and singing, not focused too much on either, skin shining and hair a mess from the wind. 

 

“Jisung,” Chenle stopped playing abruptly, looking up at the younger. “I have a question.” 

 

“Yeah?” Jisung sat up from the rock he’d been laying against and blinked a few times. 

 

“I’m.. I don’t know if this, a weird question, or something…” His cheeks were starting to turn pink, and his grip on the ukulele was tight. “But, um, can I maybe… play with your hair?” Chenle bit his lip, looking off to the side.

 

“You want to play with my hair?” Jisung’s cheeks flared up- he had no idea why it flustered him so much, maybe it was just Chenle in general, or his tone of voice, or how soft he looked sitting against the sand. Whatever the reason was, his face was on fire.

 

“I'm sorry,” Chenle stuttered, “I know it's… it's dumb, I just-”

 

“You can.” Jisung said, before Chenle could freak out any more.

 

“I- okay.” He breathed out a sigh of relief, placing the ukulele on the sand next to him. 

 

“So…. uh, how do you want to do this?”

 

“Um…” Chenle bit his lip, brushing his hair out of his face. “On my lap.”

 

Jisung gave him a questioning look. “ _ Sitting _ ? I'll crush you.”

 

“No, like….” English seemed to be escaping him, and he waved his hands together vaguely. “You… lay down, and put your head here.” He pointed to his legs, which were in a criss-cross position.

 

“Oh, okay.” Jisung bit his lip, face still hot. He scooted over so his back was facing Chenle, then leaned down until his head was in the older’s lap.

 

Chenle took a deep breath and ran his fingers through Jisung’s hair, and Jisung’s eyelids fluttered closed. This was nice.

 

“You can talk, if you want.” Jisung mumbled, feeling his shoulders relax. “I like your voice.”

 

“Okay, what do you want me to talk about?” Jisung could hear the hesitance in his speaking, and it took all of his willpower to not sit up and start cooing over how sweet it was.

 

“You can talk about EXO some more, if you want.” It seemed to be a subject that Chenle was pretty enthusiastic about, and as long as the older kept talking, Jisung had no problem with sitting there forever.

 

“Are you sure? You didn't seem very interested yesterday.” Jisung opened his eyes to see Chenle’s face falling a little, the hand in his hair slowing down.

 

Jisung nodded quickly. “No, I like it.” He liked anything Chenle talked about, he just liked to hear his voice. 

 

“Okay, I can tell you about the comeback, then.” Chenle smiled and continued running his fingers through the younger’s hair.

 

Jisung let his eyes slip shut again, and Chenle started filling him in about a new album coming in three weeks. 

 

He didn’t even try to follow along with what the older was saying- it'd be hopeless to pay attention, Jisung would get lost in his voice no matter what. It was just a matter of sooner rather than later.

 

Jisung let himself relax, his back cool against the sand, neck slack against Chenle’s thigh. His breathing evened out and the dark clouds in his mind seemed to melt away, dispersing into nothing but clear skies.

 

This feeling was new, Jisung realized, and he had no idea what it was. His limbs felt like jelly and his fingertips were buzzing, and he could feel the vibrations from Chenle’s voice thrumming throughout his entire body. His cheeks were hot but the cool breeze was like ice against his skin, leaving him with goosebumps down his arms. He felt a tingling sensation around the back of his neck that spread through his spine and down to the tips of his toes.

 

This was better than anything he’d ever felt- better than dancing, better than being high, better than being drunk, better than any exhilaration that came from doing dangerous things. He felt completely and totally relaxed, his mind empty save for the sound of Chenle’s voice. 

 

Chenle stopped talking after a few minutes and Jisung popped an eye open, squinting at the sunlight. “Why’d you stop?”

 

“Can I sing to you?” 

 

Jisung’s breath caught in his throat and he felt the anxiety bubbling back up, forming a lump in his chest. He swallowed and nodded a little. “If you want to, yeah.”

 

“Is it okay if I sing in Chinese?”

 

Jisung felt his face grow hot again. He was  _ more _ than okay with that. “Yeah, that's fine.”

 

“Okay.” Chenle whispered, running his hands through Jisung’s hair again and sitting up a little straighter.

 

He opened his mouth to sing, and Jisung felt his limbs go slack, the dark clouds clearing away again.

 

It was something Jisung had, heard before- maybe something Donghyuck put on their group Spotify playlist that he usually skipped over but occasionally let play when he was high enough. Or maybe something he’d heard when he was younger, something Johnny used to play in the car on the way to drop him off for school. 

  
  


Either way, it was nice and it was familiar, even if Jisung couldn't understand the words and Chenle’s voice was cracking every so often because he couldn't project his voice with a person on his lap. 

 

This was no doubt the greatest thing he’d ever experienced, his chest felt light and bubbly but he wasn’t jumpy at all. The stress seemed to be melting off him in waves, clearing his head, until the only things he could hear and feel were Chenle’s voice in his ears and his hands in his hair.

 

\--

 

Jisung didn't get home until almost midnight, and when he did, Ten was waiting for him on the couch, tapping away at his phone impatiently.

 

“You skipped practice today.” He said, putting his phone down and looking up.

 

Jisung’s cheeks flushed and he shrugged, kicking his shoes off with his heels. “I’m sorry, I was busy.”

 

“You’ve never missed a day in your life,” a smile played at the corner of Ten’s lips. “It must've been important.”

 

“I…..” Jisung froze and he felt his face heating up.

 

“You’re not high right now, are you?”

 

Jisung shook his head. “No.”

 

“But you’re blushing.” Ten said, eyes flitting all around the younger’s face.

 

Jisung’s hand rose to his cheek. The skin burned underneath his fingers.”Oh.”

 

Ten’s face split into a grin, and the look in his eyes told Jisung he knew  _ exactly _ what was going on.

 

“Is it a guy?”

 

There it was.

 

Jisung shuffled into the living room, shrugging his hoodie off and plopping down on the armchair. “I guess, yeah.” He sighed, letting his head fall back against the cushion. 

 

The older grinned and clapped his hands, bouncing up and down on the cushions. “I knew it. Tell me about him, is he tall? Short? Twinky?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Is it a white boy? I know I haven't given you the talk yet, but white boys are trouble-”

 

“You think my standards are that low?” Jisung felt a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Ten always knew the best ways to talk about things. He wasn't stern and protective like Johnny was, and he wasn't overbearing and paranoid like Taeyong. He was a perfect mix of the two, and Jisung often found himself missing Ten’s parenting techniques when he was off at college. 

 

“Good, I raised you well.” Ten nodded solemnly, eyes shining.

 

“Who told you about it?” Jisung asked, sitting up a little.

 

“At practice, Donghyuck asked where you were.” He explained, still smiling. “Lucy said you were with  _ that boy from yesterday _ , which tells me three things. One, he must be new, or she would have mentioned his name. Two, Duckie must not like him, judging by the face he made after, which makes me think he’s a twink, because Duckie only gets competitive if it’s a gay-off, and three, he must be pretty special if you’re being this secretive about it. So spill.”

 

Jisung sighed again, pulling his legs up into the chair and hugging his knees. “His name is Chenle. Please don't tell Mom and Johnny.”

 

“Tell Mom and Johnny what?” A voice echoed from the hallway, followed by soft footsteps. 

 

Jisung groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. He was  _ not _ in the mood to have a conversation about this right now, not at all.

 

Ten met his eyes, and Jisung mouthed a quick  _ don’t say anything  _ before Taeyong appeared in the doorway. 

 

“What are we not telling Mom and Johnny?” He mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes. 

 

“About the showcase.” Ten said, without missing a beat, and Jisung wished he could thank God personally for giving Ten a quick wit. “What song we’re going to do. We wanted to surprise you this year.”

 

Jisung nodded quickly in agreement, nervously tapping on the arm of the chair. 

 

Taeyong looked back and forth between the two, his eyes hooded with exhaustion. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Any song you choose will be good.” He said, reaching up to scratch his arm. “Now can you two please either talk outside or in Jisung’s room?” 

 

Curse Taeyong for being such a light sleeper. “I was coming to bed anyway, don’t worry.” Ten singsonged, standing up from the couch.

 

Taeyong sighed and turned around, mumbling something about inconsiderate fuckbuddies before disappearing back into his room.

 

“You’re telling me all about this tomorrow.” Ten hissed, before walking over to plant a kiss on Jisung’s forehead. “Goodnight, Sungie~” he sang, before skipping down the hallway into Johnny’s room. 

 

Jisung shook his head. Ten was so weird sometimes. 

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, feeling his face heat up again at the text.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:01_ **

_ I had a lot of fun today, thank you for dinner! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:01_ **

_ I’m not doing anything tomorrow, do you want to hang out again? _

 

Jisung was smiling as he texted back. 

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:01_ **

_ Yea sure  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:01_ **

_ Also I'm sorry if the hair thing was weird, it's just something I've always liked to do. I won't do it again if you don't like it (/)>~<(\\) _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:02_ **

_ No it's okay _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:02_ **

_ I liked it a lot actually  _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:02_ **

_ You can do it as much as you want  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:02_ **

_ Can I play with your hair tomorrow? _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:03_ **

_ Yes _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:03_ **

_ Please _

He bit his lip and stood up, walking over to the fridge for an edible and some juice. Was the please too desperate?

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:04_ **

_ Okay, good. Tomorrow will be a hair-playing day, then! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:04_ **

_ I have to go to sleep soon, but did you get home okay? _

 

He took a bite of the brownie, leaning against the kitchen counter.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:04_ **

_ Yea, I did _

 

He wasn't sure if he should mention Ten’s mini interrogation, but decided against it, as it might make Chenle ask unwanted family questions.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:04_ **

_ Good! Thank you for walking me home, by the way❤️ _

 

There it was again, the cursed heart emoji that always seemed to make Jisung’s heart jump to his throat. 

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_00:05_ **

_ No problem, I just didn't want you to get lost _

 

That was a decent response, right? Showing concern, but not enough concern to seem like he was obsessed.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:05_ **

_ Well, I appreciate it a lot (*^^*) _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_00:06_ **

_ I'll see you tomorrow, I guess! Sleep well, Jisung ❤️ _

 

Jisung grinned, typing back a good night, before tacking a heart onto the end of his own message. 

 

If the rest of the summer was going to be like this, Jisung would have no problem with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Chenle was singing was the chinese version of Replay by SHINee because I'm a sap


	8. your face, your words, every single one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Astro's You Smile

They’d ended up hanging out the rest of the week, and the following Sunday, Jisung asked Chenle to come to the party.

 

It was while they were eating dinner one day- Jisung decided to show Chenle the wonders of in-n-out. He’d suckered Jeno into dropping them off on his way to work- the older spent the entire car ride bitching about needy underclassmen, but it was better than walking in the hot sun.

 

“So my family is having this party Friday.” Jisung said as they sat down at the outside table. 

 

“A party?” Chenle perked up, placing his tray down. 

 

“For my mom- for Taeyong. His birthday.” Jisung unwrapped his burger. “It won't be a lot- just, like, my family, and a few of my friends. Lucy and Jaemin and all of them.”

 

Chenle held his burger in his hands, inspecting the outside. “Do you think Renjun would be able to come?” He asked.

 

“I think Jaemin and Jeno were going to make him come, anyway.” Jisung took a bite of his burger, eyes fluttering blissfully at the taste.

 

Chenle nodded. “Then I'll go.”

 

“Do you, like, know what's going on with them?” Jisung asked, swirling a fry in ketchup. “Usually I can like, get stuff out of Jaemin, but neither of them have said anything.”

 

Chenle stopped mid-bite and put his burger down. “The other night when he was in the shower I went through his phone.” He said, pulling out his own.

 

He opened his photos and swiped until he found the picture he was looking for- he’d taken it with his camera of Renjun’s phone screen, but the text was still visible.

 

A dick pic, clearly from Jaemin, with a caption Jisung found too vulgar to read out loud.

 

The younger felt his face heating up, and took a sip of his soda. “Do you even know what that means?”

 

“No.” Chenle shrugged, locking his phone and sliding it back into his pocket. “I mean, I'm pretty sure it's sexual, because it's a picture of a….” he made a vague gesture with his hands. “You know.”

 

“It's a dick pic, Chenle.”

 

“Yeah. That.” The older’s face flushed and he picked up his sandwich again.

 

“So,” Chenle said between bites. “Can you tell me what it means?”

 

Jisung nearly started choking on his soda. “Le, I'm not explaining to you the details of how your cousin’s gonna get fucked.” 

 

Chenle’s face flushed bright red and he took another bite of his burger. 

 

\--

 

Two days after the dick pic incident, Chenle and Renjun decided to organize a beach day.

 

(“I told my auntie about how I was making new friends, and then I told her that Renjun knew some of your friends, so she said we should all hang out and get to know each other.” Chenle said the day before. He was petting Jisung’s head in his lap again, which had become a common occurrence since they first time they’d done it.

 

“Are you  _ trying _ to get your cousin’s ass demolished?” Jisung looked up at him, squinting in the sun.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“It means-” Jisung stopped suddenly, not wanting to break the soft mood with talk of their friends’ sex lives. “Nevermind. You don't need to know.”

 

They’d chosen the Wednesday before the party, because it was close enough to still function as a social pregame and the day in between gave a good buffer just in case things didn't go according to plan.

 

Just like most situations in Jisung’s life thus far, things didn't go according to plan.

 

He woke up to a spam of texts again and Lucy snoring on his shoulder. 

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:13_ **

_ Are you excited for today?  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:13_ **

_ I’m excited!!! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:13_ **

_ Are there sharks on the beach here? _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:13_ **

_ I watched a movie once where a girl got bit by a shark _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:14_ **

_ Sharks are cute, but I don't want any to bite me, so I might stay out of the water if that's okay. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:14_ **

_ I love to swim but I only like swimming in pools _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_07:14_ **

_ I have a pool back at my house, maybe if you ever visit me in China we can swim in it together! _

 

That last message made Jisung’s entire face flush red, and if Lucy was awake, she would have teased him to hell and back for it.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:23_ **

_ I just woke up sorry  _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:23_ **

_ What time do you wanna meet up? _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:24_ **

_ Oh, I’ve been here since six! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:24_ **

_ I wanted to get here early to get a good spot. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:24_ **

_ I tried to wake Renjun up but he threw a shoe at me and told me if I ever woke him up earlier than 10 o clock again he’d tie a rock to my ankle and throw me into a river. _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:24_ **

_ I don't think drowning would be very fun, so I’m just here by myself for now  _

 

Chenle was at the beach alone? Even if it was eight in the morning and the sun was shining, the thought of him anywhere without someone to guide him made Jisung feel like he was going to throw up. Chenle was too sweet and nice and naive to ever turn down anything from a stranger, he wasn’t from America, he was Chinese for fuck’s sake, he wasn’t entirely immersed in American society yet and probably didn't know the warning signs, someone could drug him or kidnap him or molest him or-

 

“Ji, stop fuckin’ breathing so hard.” Lucy mumbled against his chest, reaching up to rub at her eyes.

 

“Sorry.” He muttered, looking down and pushing her hair out of her face. He tried to focus on calming down- square breaths. In four, out four. In four, out four.

 

“What happened?” She rolled off him and propped herself up on her elbows. 

 

“Chenle is alone at the beach- he texted me- and I was thinking about how it's not  _ safe  _ to be alone, and I-”

 

“It's…” she reached for her phone, which was neatly tucked under the pillow. “Eight thirty. He’s fine.”

 

“But he’s  _ alone- _ ”

 

“He’ll be fine.” Lucy looked over at him, sincerity in her eyes. “You’ve got to stop worrying about stuff like that. I know he's special or whatever, but I’m woken up by you hyperventilating one more time this week I’m going to punch you in the face.”

 

“Luce, you know it's more than that.”

 

She sighed and sat up, stretching her arms over her head. “I know it is.”

 

“So what else am I supposed to do?”

 

Lucy stood up then, walking across the room to her drawer in Jisung’s dresser to grab some clothes. “You need to tell him.”

 

“Tell him about what?” Jisung sat up, ignoring the buzzing phone in his hand.

 

“About everything. You know what I mean.”

 

Unfortunately, Jisung knew exactly what she meant, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. “No. There's no way.”

 

Lucy sighed and turned back to him, a bikini and a pair of shorts in her hand. “Whenever you have episodes in the middle of the night, you’re always calling for me or Johnny or Ten. It's always  _ Lucy don’t leave, Johnny don’t go, Ten stay with me. _ ” 

 

Jisung stayed silent, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. 

 

“But last night,” she continued, pulling open Jisung’s shirt drawer to steal one of her favorites. “It was  _ Chenle don’t leave _ .”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah. Not sure if it's good or bad, but it's something. You’re letting someone in.”

 

Letting someone in. That was something he’d never done before, not willingly, anyway. The only people who knew what happened were people who had been by his side at that time, and even with them he never talked about it openly. Jisung stayed silent for a moment, picking at a spot on his sheets. “We cuddle, sometimes.” He said quietly. 

 

Lucy’s jaw dropped.

 

“Not, like, real cuddling or anything!” He added quickly, blush rising to his cheeks. “Just… he sits down, and I lay on him, and he plays with my hair.”

 

Her expression changed then, lips curling into a smile. “Has he made a comment on how bad your roots are?”

 

“Fuck you.” He grabbed a pillow and threw it at her face.

 

Lucy giggled, ducking to avoid it. “I'm proud of you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For, like, letting him close to you.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that.” His phone buzzed in his pocket again.

 

“It's progress.” She opened another one of his drawers and pulled out a pair of Jisung’s swim trunks.

 

Jisung shrugged and unlocked his phone again, seeing another few texts from Chenle.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:29_ **

_ Oh, that guy from the other day is here! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:25_ **

_ Yukhei, I think _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:25_ **

_ He's not wearing a shirt _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:25_ **

_ He's very nice to look at _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:28_ **

_ Oh! He’s talking to me now _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:29_ **

_ He keeps trying to speak Mandarin to me  _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_08:31_ **

_ Dear god his Mandarin is so fucking bad, please help me  _

 

Jisung grinned and typed back a response, only to be interrupted by Lucy throwing his swim trunks at his face.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:31_ **

_ I'm coming sooooouiiiuiiiuidsd _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:31_ **

_ *soon _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:31_ **

_ Sorry lucy threw something at me  _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_08:32_ **

_ She keeps throwing shit at me I'm gonna go get dressed now  _

 

\--

 

“Now what  _ I  _ would like to know,” Jisung said as they walked on the sand, “Is why  _ literally _ everyone we know is here.”

 

Crowded beaches in California weren’t an irregular occurrence, especially on a day like today- there were a few stray clouds in the air, white and fluffy like cotton, and it wasn’t unbearably humid, which was a stark contrast to the usual weather. What  _ was _ an irregular occurrence was seeing someone he knew in every corner of the sand- Jaehyun’s friends had taken control of the volleyball courts, bumping it back and forth over the net. There were a group of seven girls gathered by a large cluster of umbrellas, including Yoojung, Doyeon and Lua, and all of them waved to Lucy and Jisung as they walked by, motioning for them to come over. 

 

“I’ll come sit with you guys in a bit,” Lucy called, “I have to wingman for a little while first.” 

 

Yoojung wiggles her eyebrows at Jisung, making a crudely sexual gesture with her hands.

 

“Not like that!” Jisung’s face flushed and he turned away, ignoring the giggles of the girl's behind them. 

 

Lucy turned back to him, spotting Yukhei in the water (without a shirt, just as Chenle said) and grinned. “Last night, Duckie posted it on his finsta.”

 

“Huh?” Jisung frowned.

 

“You asked why everyone we knew was here, and last night Duckie posted it on his finsta.” Lucy explained, quickening her pace.

 

“Posted what? That he was going to the beach?” Jisung dodged a volleyball that flew in his direction, waving off the apologies shouted at him by Jaehyun’s friends on the court. 

 

“Here, look.” She pulled out her phone and opened Instagram, searching up Donghyuck’s account and tapping on a post.

 

On Lucy’s phone screen was a picture of Donghyuck taken from a lower level (as most of his finsta pictures were) showing only his nose, eyes, hair, and the wall behind him. The caption read:  _ going to the beach tmr with some friends everybody should go if ur not doin anything!! we’re meeting up early between the volleyball courts and the lifeguard chair b there or b SQUARE losers xoxo _

 

“Why is he like this?” Jisung asked, shaking his head. 

 

“Fuck all if I know.” She slid her phone back into her pocket and looked around the beach, spotting Chenle sitting under a bright rainbow umbrella. “He’s over there.”

 

“Over where?” Jisung perked up, eyes darting around the beach until he spotted the older boy.

 

Lucy jogged over, flip-flops kicking sand onto Jisung’s legs. Jisung stayed back, walking at a leisurely pace to calm the erratic beating of his heart. He wasn’t sure what was making him nervous- he hadn’t smoked before walking over, which he was now regretting. He could use something to help him chill out. 

 

By the time he got there, Lucy was already stripped down to her bathing suit and laying her towel out on the floor. Back at the volleyball court, Jaehyun’s friends had stopped playing volleyball and were staring at her ass, jaws dropped. 

 

Jisung shot them a dirty look and turned back to Chenle, who was standing up to give him a hug. 

 

“Jisung!” He exclaimed, practically jumping into his arms. “Finally, you’re here.”

 

“What do you mean finally? It’s nine in the morning.” Jisung smiled fondly, letting his arms fall comfortably around Chenle’s waist. 

 

“The fuckboys, they kept flirting with me.” Chenle didn’t loosen his hold around Jisung’s neck, only hugged him tighter. “I thought they were going to eat me.”

 

“What do you mean, eat you?” He chose to ignore the look Lucy was giving him from over Chenle’s shoulder, and instead focused on how cute it was that Chenle had to stand on his tiptoes to hug Jisung properly.

 

“They told me I was a snack and a half.” Chenle shuddered, making no move to pull away. Jisung didn’t try either. 

 

“Maybe it’s because you are.” Jisung mumbled, laughing a little. 

 

Chenle pulled back then, just enough to look up and see Jisung’s face. “What does it mean?” he whined softly, bouncing on his heels. His face was scrunched  into a frown, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile at it. 

 

“Ji, stop being gay.” Lucy deadpanned from behind Chenle. Both of them turned to look at her as she glared at them over her sunglasses. “And it means they want to eat your ass, Chenle.”

 

The smaller boy yelped and flushed bright red, jumping away from Jisung and sitting back down on his towel.

 

Lucy flopped back onto her stomach, untying the back of her bikini so she wouldn’t get a tan line, and laid down with her hair covering her head. 

 

Chenle opened his mouth to speak and Jisung sat down next to him. “Do they really…”

 

“No, it doesn’t mean they want to eat your ass.” Jisung grinned,cheeks going pink. “Calling someone a snack just means you think they’re cute.”

 

“Oh, thank god.” Chenle breathed, holding a hand to his heart. 

 

“What’s this about ass eating?” Jaemin butted in, walking up from behind to sit between them. 

 

That only made Chenle blush even more, burying his face in his hands.

 

“Remind me again why I hang out with gay guys 24/7.” Lucy grumbled, voice muffled by the towel. 

 

“Solidarity, sister.” Jaemin grinned, pulling his shirt off.

 

“Literally die, Jaemin.” Lucy rolled her eyes again and laid her head back down on the towel.

 

“Anyway,” Jaemin turned to Chenle, whose face was bright red. “Where’s Injunnie?”

 

“Who the  _ fuck _ is Injunnie.” Donghyuck deadpanned, walking up behind them and glaring at Chenle in distaste.

 

“Renjun. Injunnie. Injoon is his Korean name.” Jaemin explained, looking to Chenle for backup.

 

“Since when does Renjun have a Korean name? I thought you guys were Chinese?” Donghyuck frowned, eyes still narrowed in Chenle’s direction.

 

“He speaks it. Fluently.” Jaemin filled in quickly, and Jisung heard Chenle let out a sigh of relief next to him. Confrontation with Donghyuck was never a pleasant thing.

 

“So he speaks three languages? I sat next to him in art for  _ four years _ and I didn't know that?”

 

“Four, actually!” Chenle piped up, raising his hand a little (which did funny things to Jisung’s heartbeat), “Renjun speaks Esperanto.”

 

“Renjun speaks  _ Esperanto-” _

 

_ “ _ Yeah, I do.” A small voice said, walking up behind Donghyuck. “I’ve told you, like, a couple times in class.”

 

“Oh, hi, Renjun!” Chenle smiled brightly and waved, bouncing in his spot a little. God, he was so fucking  _ cute  _ sometimes, it just made Jisung want to hold him. 

 

Maybe he  _ could _ hold him. It didn’t seem too hard, he’d just have to find a way to sneak his hand around, and with all the hair petting Chenle had been doing, it only seemed fair to initiate some skinship back. 

 

The only problem now was figuring out how. 

 

Renjun sat down on his own towel and pulled out a sketchbook, glancing up at Jaemin before putting his pencil to the paper. Donghyuck sat next to him, leaning over his shoulder to watch. Lucy was still working on her back tan. Everyone was distracted, now Jisung just had to figure out a way to slide in. 

 

Maybe he could do that yawning thing from the movies? No, that’d be too noticeable. He needed to be subtle, because he knew Jaemin would call him out if he was too obvious. Jisung needed to be sneaky.

 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to hang out tomorrow at all.” Jisung started, speaking low so only Chenle would hear. “Taeyong wants help cleaning the house for the party.”

 

“That’s okay!” Chenle perked up a little, a faint blush across his cheeks. “I wanted to go shopping, anyway.”

 

“You’re taking an Uber.” Renjun said, looking up from his sketchbook. “Or Sicheng can drive you, your choice. I have plans.”

 

Jaemin smirked at the last part. Gross. 

 

“I’ll take the Uber.” Chenle shuddered. “I don’t want Sicheng driving me  _ anywhere _ .”

 

Jisung picked his hand up, letting it hover a few inches away from the base of Chenle’s spine. It was now or never.

 

He slowly slid his hand around the curve of Chenle’s waist, letting it rest right above the line of his hip. 

 

Chenle inhaled sharply, biting his lip and glancing nervously up at Jisung. 

 

“Is this okay?” Jisung asked, starting to draw his hand away. He should have asked first, maybe Chenle didn’t like being held there, or something-

 

“It’s fine!” Chenle grabbed Jisung’s wrist, pulling his arm back around him and shifting a little closer. “I’m just… um, I don’t know the word, I forgot it.” His face flushed, and he looked over at Renjun for guidance.

 

Renjun’s nose was in his drawing and he was still bickering quietly with Donghyuck. He wouldn’t be any help. 

 

“Like… ticklish?” Jisung suggested, tilting his head sideways a little. 

 

“Yeah, that.” Chenle relaxed into Jisung’s hold. “Ticklish.”

 

“Okay, I’ll be more careful next time.” Jisung smiled, because there would be a next time, and maybe a time after that too, if the way Chenle was nuzzling into his shoulder was any indication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi thank you SO MUCH for reading and stuff, remember that my twitter is the easiest way to find updates on my writing! also wanna let everybody know that I went to kcon and bang chan's hands are sweaty as fuck thats all


	9. we'll regret it when we're old with wrinkled up skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Party Tattoos by Dodie
> 
> hi quick warning that i prob should've put in the last chapter, from here on out the implied/underage sex warning tag is gonna be pretty prevalent from here on out because of norenmin/markhyuck like there's no smut of any of them but they're sexually active couples so there's gonna be a few references to that??? nothing extreme dw it's just people seemed kinda taken aback by the dick pic and just as a warning from here on out that kind of thing is gonna pop up a lot because of the nature in which I wrote the fic. Not chensung tho never chensung they ain't like that

Getting ready for parties was somewhat ritualistic for Donghyuck and Yeri, even moreso when the parties were at Jisung’s house.

 

Yeri would take the day off of work and the two would show up to his house around eleven, sporting bags full of accessories and palettes of eyeshadow. More often than not, Mark would tag along with them because he didn't have anything else to do.

 

Lucy would show up then after, if she hadn’t stayed the house at Jisung’s the night before, and they’d take their time chatting and putting on makeup, saving the pregame until after they’d put on their mascara.

 

They’d also do a little on Jisung- he wasn't a fan of makeup, and had zero talent in applying it- but he liked the feeling of the soft brushes against his cheeks and his eyes, so he usually just let it happen.

 

Mark was in a similar boat, he wouldn't know a liquid lipstick if it fell out of the sky and hit him in the face.

 

Then, it was time to get dressed. Jisung usually had enough decent clothes in his closet to get by without Donghyuck’s scrutiny, but Mark was hopeless. Yeri and Lucy would dress him up like a doll until they felt that they found the right look, with Donghyuck serving as the judge. Sometimes it took hours, and when it did, Jaemin and Jeno would show up early to keep him company.

 

This time, they’d let Renjun and Chenle know to come early, so Jeno and Jaemin were there even earlier than normal, waiting nervously for Renjun’s arrival.

 

Jisung was in the middle of packing a bowl when the doorbell rang. “Can someone else get that?” He said, sprinkling the weed in his hands. “I’m kinda busy.” 

 

“I will!” Lucy chirped, jumping up and walking out of the bedroom.

 

“That's probably Renjun.” Jeno murmured, glancing between Jaemin and Jisung.

 

_ And Chenle _ , Jisung’s brain supplied.

 

30 seconds later, Lucy walked in, Chenle and Renjun following not close behind. Jisung looked up, and his jaw dropped. 

 

Apparently Renjun must have lent him some clothes, because in the two weeks or so they’d been hanging out, Chenle had  _ never _ worn jeans like that- they were black and tight, ripped around his knees and thighs. He had a red flannel tied around his waist and was wearing an oversized black long sleeve shirt on top with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Renjun must’ve helped with his makeup too- his eyes were rimmed with a dark brown and his cheeks seemed a little pinker than usual, and god, was that fucking lip gloss? Jisung was going to lose his mind.

 

“All three of you are fucking idiots.” Yeri said to Jisung as well as Jaemin and Jeno, who were gawking at Renjun like little kids at the zoo.

 

Jisung tore his eyes away from Chenle’s legs, face flushed, and flicked the lighter on, bringing the flame up to the bowl and breathing in the hot air.

 

“You got highlighter.” Donghyuck stood up from his place on Mark’s lap, dropping the eyeshadow brush he’d been using into his bag.

 

Chenle nodded obediently, fidgeting with the tie on his flannel. “Renjun took me to the mall and I bought some.” His cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Because I thought it looked so pretty on you.” He added, almost like he was trying to appease Donghyuck.

 

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes and stepped closer to the younger, pulling out his phone and turning on the flashlight.

 

“What are you-” Chenle started, but Donghyuck quickly shut him down.

 

“Shush.” He said, gripping the younger boy’s jaw and turning his head to the side. He turned the flashlight towards his face, directing it mainly towards his cheek, and waved it back and forth a few times for good measure before lowering the phone and turning to Renjun.

 

“Nars Orgasm?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.

 

Renjun nodded quickly. “Mixed with ABH Summer and Moonstone.”

 

To Jisung, it sounded even  _ more _ foreign than when he heard Chenle speaking Mandarin, and judging by how confused Mark looked, he didn’t have any idea of what was going on either.

 

“A wise choice.” Yeri murmured, and Lucy nodded in agreement. At least the girls seemed to know what was up. 

 

“Good.” Donghyuck dropped his hand from Chenle’s face and turned to face Renjun head-on. “You’re teaching him well.”

 

“He picked them out himself.” Renjun said, walking over and sitting between Jaemin and Jeno, who both looked like they were about to have a heart attack. 

 

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow at Chenle and finally glanced down at what he was wearing. 

 

“An EXO shirt?” His eyes widened. “You like EXO?”

 

That was Jisung’s cue to take another hit from the bowl. He was nowhere near high enough to deal with fandom talk.

 

“Yes!” Chenle perked up a little at that. “EXO’s my ult group, but I stan others, too.”

 

“Who’s your ult then?” 

 

“Yixing, it’s our 1,400 days next week!” Chenle was bouncing on his heels now, his eyes sparkling.

 

“Growl stan? Runs in the family.” Donghyuck remarked, glancing back at Renjun.

 

Jisung turned to Mark, who was sitting on his bed with a blank expression. “Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?”

 

“I don’t know, dude.” Mark replied, glancing back. He looked even more confused than Jisung felt. “It’s like, another language or something.”

 

Jisung passed him the bowl.

 

“Comeback hype must be hitting you hard then, huh.” The two walked over and sat down on Jisung’s bed. Renjun (much to Jeno and Jaemin’s dismay) got up and followed.

 

“It’s been hard for both of us.” Renjun said solemnly. “I’m glad Chenle and I share an ult. He understands. Solidarity within the family.”

 

“I’m putting on music.” Lucy announced. “And no, I’m not playing Sherlock,” Donghyuck pouted. “So don’t even think about asking.”

 

Yeri finished packing up her makeup kit while Lucy pulled out her phone and shuffled a premade playlist. 

 

Jisung stood and sat on his bed so he was between Chenle and Mark, who was trying not to cough from holding too much smoke in his mouth.

 

Renjun and Donghyuck were immersed in conversation and Chenle was trying his hardest to follow along, eyes flicking between the two and mouthing out words that were harder for him to comprehend.

 

Chenle sitting down was worse than Chenle standing up, Jisung realized. Up close he could see every detail- the glow of his cheeks, the way his blonde hair flopped over his forehead, the fucking  _ lip gloss _ -

 

“Ji, you’re staring.” Chenle giggled, shifting so they were facing each other. “Like what you see?”

 

“I-” Jisung felt his face heat up again. Chenle was really trying to kill him. 

 

“It’s okay.” He grinned, eyes melting into crescents. “I think I look pretty good, too.”

 

“I- yeah.” Jisung swallowed, trying to ignore Lucy’s snickers behind him. “You.. look good. You look really good.”

 

“I’m happy you think so.” Chenle’s cheeks seemed pinker than they were before, which Jisung considered a personal victory.

 

\--

 

An hour later, the party was in full swing outside Jisung’s bedroom- everyone had trickled in around seven, and the bass from Johnny’s fancy speakers was vibrating through the entire apartment.

 

In the bedroom was a different story- Mark, the poor lightweight, was sprawled out across Jisung’s bed with his head in Donghyuck’s lap, babbling incoherently about Kevin Abstract. Jeno and Jaemin were sitting on a beanbag chair with Renjun squished between them. Jaemin’s hands were on his thigh and both of their eyes seemed to be glued to Renjun’s lips as he talked.

 

Yeri was sitting on the floor facing Lucy, rolling a blunt while her girlfriend Chaeyoung fed her bites of a brownie. The three were immersed in conversation about Demi Lovato and how Cool For The Summer was  _ definitely _ a coming out song, and western media was only playing the bicurious card to appeal to tasteless Ed Sheeran-worshipping heterosexuals.

 

Jisung and Chenle were wrapped up in their own conversation- well, it wasn’t as much of a conversation as much as it was Chenle talking and Jisung trying (and failing) to follow along. It wasn’t Chenle’s fault his lip gloss was so distracting. 

 

“We should play truth or dare.” Lucy said from her spot on the floor. “Or Never Have I Ever. Something fun like that.”

 

“Never Have I Ever sounds good.” Jaemin sat up a little, making Renjun and Jeno lose their balance on the beanbag chair and topple into each other. Jeno didn’t seem too bothered about it, taking the opportunity to discreetly slide an arm around Renjun’s waist.

 

Yeri ran the lighter along the seam of the blunt, nodding in agreement. “We can go as we pass.”

 

Mark sat up on the bed and turned so he was facing the center of the room along with Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Lucy changed the music on her phone, shuffled Brockhampton (much to Mark’s delight), and scooted back so she was sitting between Yeri and the beanbag chair.

 

They were in somewhat of a makeshift circle by the time Yeri lit the blunt. “I guess I should start it off.” She said, inhaling deeply. “Never have I ever touched a dick. Boys, your own doesn’t count.”

 

Everybody put a finger down except Chaeyoung, Chenle, and Jisung. 

 

“You know,” Mark said, eyes foggy. “Usually people wait until at least three questions in before getting to the awkward sex shit.”

 

Yeri shrugged, ghosting the smoke op through her nose. “It would've happened anyway. I just figured I'd start it sooner.” She passed the blunt to Chaeyoung and gave her a quick kiss. “Your turn, babe.”

 

“I’ll keep it PG, don’t worry.” She smiled softly, eyes trained on the burning end of the blunt. “Never have I ever worn a liquid lipstick.” 

 

“Do you know what that is? Jeno asked Renjun, running a finger through the smaller’s hair.

 

“Yes, you idiot, I did both Chenle’s makeup and my own before coming here.” Renjun answered, rolling his eyes. “It's a lipstick that goes on like a gloss and dries matte.”

 

“What does matte mean?” Chenle chimed in from across the room.

 

Renjun threw out a Chinese word, and Chenle nodded in understanding, keeping his finger up. Renjun, Yeri, Lucy, and Donghyuck all put a finger down.

 

Next was Mark sitting on the edge of Jisung’s bed. Chaeyoung inhaled one last time and passed it up to him. “Never have I ever tried coke.”

 

Everyone’s fingers stayed up except Yeri’s. 

 

“I knew I'd get you with that.” He hummed blissfully, sticking his tongue out at her and taking a hit.

 

“Give me that.” Donghyuck made grabby hands at the blunt, his face lighting up when Mark handed it over.

 

Donghyuck took a deep breath, his eyes looking up to the ceiling in thought. “Never have I ever…. wait no, there was that time last summer. Okay, never have I ever- hold on, no, I’ve done that too-”

 

“Never have you ever topped anyone?” Jaemin suggested, snickering. 

 

“Shut it.” Donghyuck grabbed a pillow from behind him and threw it at Jaemin, who caught it neatly. 

 

“Okay.” He closed his eyes and brought the blunt to his mouth, inhaling deeply. “Never have I ever stolen an album from H-Mart because I was too lazy to run back to the car and get my wallet.”

 

“That was one time!” Renjun frowned, glaring at Donghyuck as he folded a finger into his fist.

 

“Still happened.” He singsonged back, passing the blunt to Jisung. 

 

Jisung glanced around the room, avoiding Chenle’s gaze. If he spent too much time looking at the shorter boy, he’d get distracted and forget about the game. “Never have I ever kissed someone I actually liked.” 

 

Everyone’s fingers went down and Jaemin whistled. “Low blow, Ji.”

 

“Sorry for deflating your ego.” Jisung replied, inhaling the mouth of the blunt. 

 

Chenle looked between Jisung and Jaemin, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Wait a second, you two have...”

 

“I’ll explain later.” Jisung said. “Once we finish this.”

 

The game continued, with Chenle passing on the joint each time it came around to him. Yeri was out first- Mark, Donghyuck, and Jisung all formed an alliance to get her out quick with all the times she’d been publicly intoxicated. The next was surprisingly Renjun- Jisung hadn’t pegged him as the wild type, but apparently he’d done some pretty crazy shit the past few years. After that was Donghyuck, and then Jaemin and Jeno respectively, who were both happy because they could go back to feeling up Renjun’s legs when they didn’t think anybody was looking. 

 

After awhile, it was only Lucy, Jisung, and Chenle left. Lucy had squirmed onto the bed between Jisung and Donghyuck, and only had two fingers left. Chenle had five, and Jisung had three.

 

“Never have I ever had a sexual encounter with a girl.” Jisung grinned, knowing Lucy was toast.

 

She grumbled and shoved her ring finger down, leaving only a pinky. “That doesn't count. You haven't had a sexual experience with anyone. Also, you’re gay.”

 

“Exactly.” Jisung said, inhaling from the blunt and glancing at Chenle’s hands as he passed it back to Lucy. He had four fingers up- hadn’t there been five before the question?

 

“Really, Chenle?” Lucy raised an eyebrow at him. “You don't seem like the type.”

 

The smaller boy’s face flushed bright red. “I’ve, um, had a few girlfriends. Like, back in China, and the last one…” he took a breath, trying to find his words. He wasn’t high, but he’d clearly gotten secondhand again, if the way he was slurring his words was any indication. “We didn't, um,  _ do it _ , like, the full thing, but we did some stuff.”

 

“China’s got game!” Jaemin hollered from across the room, followed by Renjun slapping his shoulder. 

 

“You can’t just drop that without context.” Donghyuck crawled off of Mark’s lap and leaned his chin on Lucy’s shoulder. “I want details. Bases.”

 

“Bases…?”

 

“Renjun, can you explain bases in Chinese to him?” Donghyuck called across the room.

 

“The next time you ask me to explain a sexual term to my pure baby cousin, you’re getting a foot up your ass.”

 

“Kinky.” Donghyuck giggled, sitting back on his heels. “And you can’t even call him pure, he just said-”

 

“I’m busy, Duckie.” Jisung looked up and saw that Renjun was now pressed farther back into the beanbag than Jisung thought was possible, Jaemin and Jeno cuddling him so tight their limbs must have been knotted together.

 

“I’ll get it out of you later.” Donghyuck gave Chenle an  _ I’ve got my eyes on you _ gesture, then crawled back over to lay in Mark’s arms.

 

“My turn, Ji, watch out.” Lucy smirked, lips dipping around the blunt in her mouth. “Never have I ever had a wet dream about Kevin Jonas.”

 

“That was one time!” Jisung’s face flushed and he tried to ignore everyone’s giggling around him as he shoved a finger down. 

 

Now it was Chenle’s turn. Jisung held his breath, praying to any deity he could that the older would know an easy way to take Lucy out. He turned to Jisung, eyes shining, and gave him a little smile. 

 

Jisung’s heart nearly burst out of his chest. He’d been trying not to look at the older all night- it was too risky, he’d be too distracted, his gazes too obvious. The lip gloss/skinny jeans combo was something Jisung had always been weak for when he was looking at cute boys on the street- his breathing was going haywire from the way it looked when it was on someone he actually  _ liked. _

 

“Never have I ever kissed a boy.” Chenle grinned at Lucy, knowing victory was in his hands.

 

Lucy frowned, letting her pinky fall to meet the rest of her fingers. “Fuck you guys, I’m taking this with me.” She wiggled the blunt in her hand and slunk off the bed, plopping down in front of Yeri and Chaeyoung on the floor.

 

“It’s just us now.” Jisung murmured, scooting over so he was facing Chenle head-on. 

 

Chenle nodded, biting his lip-  _ fuck _ , Jisung thought- and looked around the room. Renjun was busying himself with Jeno and Jaemin, crossing his arms and looking visibly flustered trying to dodge their compliments. Mark and Donghyuck were cuddling down the end of the bed, scrolling through Instagram on their phones. Nobody else was listening.

 

It was Jisung’s turn to ask. He was down to two fingers due to the boy kissing question, where Chenle still had four. 

 

Chenle would end up winning, Jisung was sure of it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make these last two rounds fun.

 

He should have asked something obvious-  _ never have I ever been to China  _ would have resulted in one of Chenle’s fingers falling. 

 

“Never have I ever had a boyfriend.” Jisung said, testing the waters a bit. In their two weeks of being glued together, the topic of past relationships and experiences hadn’t come up once- knowing that he’d done things with girls piqued his interest, and Jisung was curious to know exactly how much game Chenle had.

 

Chenle hesitated, before putting a finger down.

 

Jisung raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you never kissed one.”

 

“Online,” Chenle explained, “We met on twitter.” He shook his hair out, running his free hand through the strands. “Never have I ever been with someone younger than me.”

 

Oh? Chenle was into older guys?

 

Jisung didn’t think any of his past experiences would count as  _ being _ with someone, so he left his two fingers up.

 

“Never have I ever snuck out of the house.” Jisung looked back from Chenle’s face to his hand, where he lowered another finger. 

 

Chenle was rebellious too, apparently. Jisung was learning a lot today.

 

“Never have I ever been told I’m a bad kisser.” Chenle grinned up at him, eyes sparkling.

 

“That sounds like a threat.” Jisung breathed, letting a finger fall. 

 

“Who told you that you were a bad kisser?”

 

“Jaemin did.”

 

“I don't know if I trust his judgement.” Chenle said, looking up at him with mischief in his eyes. “I might have to test that out myself.”

 

Jisung’s mind went blank, jaw dropping a little. Was Chenle implying that he wanted to kiss him? He didn't see any other possible ways that could be taken, at least.

 

Maybe Jisung was just reading too far into it. He’d kind of hogged the blunt when it had come around to him, taking more hits than necessary until he was pleasantly buzzed. He wished he hadn’t. Maybe then he’d be able to process if Chenle was flirting or not.

 

“I’m too high right now to respond to that.” Jisung shook his hair out, nervously running his fingers through the strands. 

 

Chenle shrugged. “Me too, I think.”

 

Oh, shit. Jisung had forgotten about Chenle getting secondhand- it wasn't like he was actually impaired or anything, and it would have mostly worn off by now, anyway. But it was still something that made Jisung’s stomach turn, the thought of Chenle maybe saying something he didn’t mean while he was under the influence.

 

“Do you wanna go get some fresh air?” Jisung glanced around the room. Nobody was paying attention to him- the girls on the floor were having an in-depth discussion about Jeffree Star’s latest scandal, with Donghyuck throwing out facts from his spot on the bed. Mark was curled into Donghyuck’s shoulder, staring off into space, every once in awhile pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s cheek that made him blush. 

 

Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun were in their own little world, still pressed together on the beanbag chair. One of Jaemin’s hands was around Renjun’s waist, the other trailing up the inside of his thigh. They looked like they were trying to hold a conversation, but were too distracted by each other’s lips for it to have any substance. Jeno was on his other side, nodding along to what the other two were saying and pressing sneaky kisses down Renjun’s neck. His hand was so high on the smaller’s other thigh it was drifting in dangerous territory, and Jisung made a mental note to tell them later that they’d be buying him a new beanbag chair if anything happened to his.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Chenle breathed, eyebrows furrowed in distaste at the way his cousin was being felt up. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> donghyuck finally accepted chenle into his kpop cult time to smoke a blunt in celebration amiright
> 
> thank you SOOOOSOSOSO MUCH for all the crazy love this story has received, I can't possibly put into words how grateful I am for every single one of your kudos and bookmarks and comments, every time I see a comment I literally almost cry. I can't thank you all enough seriously I love every single one of you from the bottom of my heart <3 I'm not sure when the next update is gonna be because I'm seeing got7 tomorrow, getting a tattoo friday, and going to an anime con saturday and sunday but I'll try my best to work on it as fast as I can! I've already started writing the first few paragraphs :)


	10. you're all i see when i look to the skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Heaven by EXO ;)
> 
> Hey uh quick warning Chenle and Jisung talk about sex, they don't do anything (nor are they going to do anything of that sort in this fic) but it's a topic that's talked about because fifteen year old kids usually talk about this type of stuff, and if you're one of those people that still thinks dreamies are wearing diapers I got news for you buddy they are teenagers and talk and do the things that normal teenagers do and if you have a problem with teens acting their age this is. not the fic for you also the implied/referenced underage sex tag is here specifically for reasons like this, not the chensung I do not intend to write anything sexual in any sense involving chensung but it's here for stuff like this chapter where it's referenced and talked about

Finding their way out of the party ended up being a lot easier than expected, Jisung realized after slipping out of his bedroom door. There were a few stray groups of people scattered around the hallway, and Jisung vaguely recognized some of Johnny’s friends that were closer to his age and waved to them as he walked by, Tzuyu in particular raising her eyebrows at Chenle behind him.

 

“He’s just my friend.” Jisung explained quickly, trying to hide his blush. “We’re getting some air, that's all.”

 

Tzuyu gave him a soft smile and an “Okay, Sungie, whatever you say,” before turning back and talking to the boy she’d been immersed in conversation with.

 

“I'll try to get us out quick,” Jisung said quietly, wrapping his fingers around Chenle’s wrist and pulling him along the halls. “Just follow me.”

 

Getting out didn't end up being hard, as most of the partygoers at this point were either getting stoned out of their mind or watching Ten and Taeyong making out on the couch- most were doing both- and they slipped out the door with relative ease.

 

“Are you still….” Jisung started, but Chenle was quick to reply.

 

“No, no, it wore off.” Chenle looked up at him, and even in the dim elevator lighting he still looked angelic, cheeks shining with highlighter and lips plump and glossy. “I'm fine now.”

 

“That's good.” Jisung wasn't fine- he was still pretty fucking high, and Chenle’s lips were too distracting, he couldn't stop watching the way the gloss shined under the fluorescents. It was sending his brain into overdrive, head swimming with thoughts on what those lips could do- most were things he did  _ not  _ want to be thinking, and he quickly pushed those ideas out of his mind.

 

The elevator doors opened and they stepped outside. “I have some questions about the game, if that's ok.” Chenle said, biting his lip. The lip with the lip gloss. Jisung was going to combust. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” They made their way out of Jisung’s apartment and started walking towards the boardwalk. It wasn’t quite deserted yet, with crowds of college age kids gathered on corners, spilling out of restaurants and bars, debating on the substances they were going to put in their body. Jisung hoped he didn't recognize any of them- if they bought off Johnny like the rest of the town, they’d definitely know who he was, and he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody besides Chenle. 

 

“I wanna know why you kissed Jaemin.” Chenle looked at the ground, hands fidgeting together. Tiny hands. Jisung wanted to hold them, wanted to feel them around his neck or around his waist or in his hair-

 

He needed to calm down. Chenle had asked him a question, and from his body language it seemed pretty important that he tell Chenle what actually happened so that he didn't get the wrong idea.

 

“We were both shitfaced at a Halloween party-”

 

“What does shitfaced mean?” Chenle looked up at him, eyes wide and innocent. Jisung had never heard someone say  _ shitfaced _ so cutely in his entire life, and it made him want to wrap the older in blankets and protect him from any alcohol ever.

 

“It means, like,  _ really _ drunk.” Jisung explained, blushing a little when Chenle gave him a nod and smile. “Anyway, so like, we were shitfaced at this Halloween party, and they were trying to set me up with this guy- Eric- but apparently, Eric had like, been around a lot.”

 

Chenle nodded and looked up at- hold on, was he  _ looking at Jisung’s lips- _

 

“Continue, please.” Chenle said, face flushing.

 

“Sorry, sorry, I spaced out.” Jisung felt his cheeks getting hotter. “Anyway, so they said Eric had been around a lot, and Jaemin didn't trust my level of kissing experience, so Jeno dared us to, and I didn't back out because I'm not a little bitch.”

 

“Why did  _ Jeno  _ of all people….”

 

“I don't know, dude.” Jisung shook his head. “I don't understand those two at all. I know they're into exhibitionism, though.”

 

“Ex…. ex-hee-”

 

“Exhibitionism.” Jisung pronounced it slowly, Chenle mouthing out the words not far behind.

 

“Ex...hi...bition...ism…. exhibitionism?” Chenle looked up, tilting his head to the side a little. How he could still be this sweet and innocent talking Jeno and Jaemin’s sex lives, Jisung had no idea.

 

“Yeah, like that.” Jisung smiled softly down at him. They were reaching the middle of the boardwalk now, drunk young adults becoming more and more sparse as they walked.

 

“What does it mean?”

 

“Um, it's like a sex thing, so I'm not gonna explain that to you.” Jisung’s face flushed again.

“Oh, okay.” Chenle blushed too- his face was pretty red, even under the dim streetlights. 

 

“So, uh, about the Jaemin thing.” Jisung continued. “It's not like I like him or anything, I just didn't wanna back down from the dare.”

 

“And he said you're a bad kisser?” 

 

“Not exactly, he just said I needed more work. Then they told me Eric was  _ their _ age, and I kinda lost interest.”

 

“You don't like older guys?” 

 

Jisung was burning up now, how was he supposed to answer that? As far as he knew he’d only ever  _ liked _ one person, and it was Chenle.

 

“I do, but two years is too old for me to actually  _ date. _ I only like it when guys are a little bit older.” Jisung figured that was a safe option, plus it would make him seem more experienced than he actually was.

 

“I’m a little bit older. Is three months enough of a gap for you?” Chenle smirked a little, and Jisung was hit with a sudden realization.

 

Chenle was  _ definitely _ flirting with him. 

 

Jisung’s entire face flushed bright red and he looked down at the ground, praying for it to swallow him up. 

 

His brain was too fuzzy to handle this right now, his head swimming with too many thoughts for him to differentiate one from another. It was sending his heart into overdrive, anxiety bubbling in his throat, though for what reason, Jisung wasn’t sure. Maybe it was being put on the spot like this- Jisung preferred to sit quietly and observe, and his desire to melt into the backdrop was only magnified when he was high. He wanted to sit down, wanted to close his eyes and keep Chenle’s attention off him.

 

He hasn't realized he’d stopped walking until Chenle turned around a few paces ahead of him and tilted his head sideways. “Are you okay?”

 

They were still on the boardwalk, the streetlights casting dark shadows on Chenle’s neck, highlighting the slope of his nose, the sharpness of his jawline. The light was catching his lips just right, gloss shining against his skin, and god, if Jisung already didn't want to die, he really wished god would smite him now.

 

“Jisung, are you okay?” Chenle repeated, stepping back closer and taking his hand.

 

That was enough to snap Jisung out of his haze, blinking a few times and nodding. “Yeah, why wouldn't I be?”

 

“You were breathing really hard.” Chenle looked down at their hands, then back up, and Jisung could feel Chenle’s fingers burning into his skin, the imprint of his hands grounding him, clearing away those dark clouds again. 

 

“I'm fine.” Jisung said, squeezing his hand back. “I just bugged out a little, it's fine.” He didn't want to have this conversation right now- he didn't want  _ any  _ conversation, he just wanted to sit and let the high fade.  _ Preferably in Chenle’s arms, _ his mind supplied.

 

_ Shut up, _ Jisung told it.

 

“What does bugging out mean?” Chenle started walking slowly again, pulling Jisung along. 

 

“Um, it means, like…..” he blinked, heart rate still faster than it should be. “Like, getting anxious, if you're high it's easier to get anxious and paranoid about stuff.”

 

Chenle nodded along, eyes trained on the ground. “Why do you do do it then? If it makes you anxious?”

 

“Not all the time.” Jisung supplied quickly, brain slipping into agitation again. “Only sometimes.” 

 

“When are the sometimes?”

 

Jisung pursed his lips, trying to find an answer while still dodging the question. There wasn't a way. He would have to let something slip somehow. 

 

“When people get too close.” Jisung mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. He’d be fine, he’d walked this boardwalk nearly every day of his life. His feet would take him where to go.

 

Chenle didn't reply then, instead giving Jisung’s hand a squeeze and continuing to tug him along the boardwalk. 

 

He could tell where they were headed. Chenle was leading him to the end of the boardwalk, to the gathering of rocks they’d been spending the majority of their time at the past few weeks.

 

Jisung’s eyes fluttered open and he looked out in front of him, the end of the boardwalk in sight, sand splashing up onto the wood where the lines met. He was a little calmer now, Chenle’s grip on his hand serving as an anchor to keep him on earth. He let the older boy lead him to the rocks.

 

Chenle could get over on his own now, he’d figured out a direction to climb up where he didn’t need any help, but he still motioned for Jisung to step up first before he braced a foot and held a hand out.

 

“You can get up on your own, you don't need my help.” Jisung said, grinning and pulling Chenle up.

 

The older caught his balance with his hands on Jisung’s waist and leaned on his chest, and the voice in the back of Jisung’s head wondered why he was being so abnormally touchy. 

 

“Maybe I like your help.” Chenle mumbled. 

 

Jisung could feel the heat of Chenle’s cheeks through the fabric of his T shirt, and wondered if there was more to that statement that met the eye.

 

“The sand is still wet.” Jisung mumbled, letting his hands drift up to rest on Chenle’s shoulders. They were so close, Jisung could feel the older’s heartbeat, fast and strong against his chest. 

 

“It's fine. I got it.” Chenle pulled back then, jumping down and pulling his flannel from around his waist. He held his hand out for Jisung to grab and the younger jumped down, steadying himself by holding onto Chenle’s shoulders again. 

 

Maybe he was feeling abnormally touchy too.

 

“Where am I gonna sit?” Jisung asked, glancing over to the shirt on the ground. 

 

“On the flannel.”

 

“Then where are  _ you  _ gonna sit?”

 

Chenle smiled a little, lip gloss shining in the moonlight. “You’ll see.”

 

Jisung pulled away reluctantly and sat himself cross legged on top of the flannel, leaning back against a rock. “Okay, what now?”

 

Thinking back, Jisung wasn’t really sure what he expected- maybe for Chenle to pull over a rock to perch on, or for him to lean up against a taller boulder. He absolutely did not expect for the older to turn around and sit right in his lap, wiggling around until he felt comfortable. 

 

“This is okay, right?” Chenle craned his neck to look back at him, breath fanning across Jisung’s ear, and  _ god, why did he have to be doing this right now- _

 

“Yeah, this is fine.” Jisung nodded a little, trying to slow down his heart rate. Chenle could probably feel it pounding on his back. He could probably feel the heat of Jisung’s cheeks too, with how close they were, and god, Jisung  _ really needed to calm down right now _ or he was going to have a heart attack.

 

“You can, um, hold me if you want. That’s kind of the point of cuddling.” Chenle’s face flushed a little, which brought Jisung a little bit of comfort.

 

“Right, okay.” Jisung breathed, biting his lip. He felt a strange sense of pressure- like this was some sort of test given to him to see how good of a cuddler he was. 

 

Sighing softly, Jisung brought his arms up to slide around Chenle’s waist and rest around his middle, hands clasped together against the smaller’s stomach. “This good?”

 

“Yeah,” Chenle breathed, “This is good.” 

 

For a moment they just sat there, Chenle humming softly, tapping out the rhythm of a song into the backs of Jisung’s hands, listening to the sound of the waves at night. Chenle’s lips were still glossy- Jisung could only see the corner of them with the way the older’s head was turned, but it still reflected against the moonlight just enough to where it always caught the corner of his eye. It was distracting, to say the least, and he had to be careful not to let his thoughts drift too much. He was still high, he might say something stupid. 

 

“What happened to your parents? Why do you live with Johnny?” Chenle asked suddenly, and Jisung felt his heart drop. 

 

There was no way he could avoid this now- they were alone, and Jisung couldn’t think up a good enough excuse in his stupid drug-induced haze. He also didn’t want to outright lie to Chenle, either, the older boy didn’t deserve that, when all he’d shown Jisung these past few weeks had been kindness. He just had to think up a way to beat around the bush. 

 

Jisung took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them back up again. “Dad’s dead,” He said quietly, “Mom’s not around.”

 

Chenle didn’t speak for a minute, humming softly again, then shifted so he could turn and see Jisung’s face. “How did your dad die?”

 

“In a fire.” Jisung answered, eyes trained on a stone in the sand. “He was a fireman.” 

 

“I’m sorry. That must be hard.”

 

From everybody else who’d ever heard, the words always seemed empty- like they were saying it out of obligation, not out of actual care or concern. But coming from Chenle’s mouth, they felt real- maybe the older boy didn’t empathize or understand, but he genuinely felt sorry, and that was enough to make his stomach do summersaults. 

 

“How old were you?” 

 

“Four.”

 

“Do you remember him well?” Chenle shifted again and, wow, they were  _ really _ close now, with the smaller boy turned around enough to let his arms rest around Jisung’s shoulders. 

 

Memories flashed through Jisung’s head- his father pitching a baseball to Johnny at the park near their house, Jisung cheering them on from his spot sitting in the grass. His father bringing him to his first dance recital for his cousin at age three, telling him about the different styles of dance. His father standing strong in front of Johnny’s bedroom door with Jisung peeking out from behind his leg, voice echoing through the apartment and cutting out his mother’s screams-  _ “You can’t treat them like this, they’re your kids!”  _ -his mother throwing shoes and magazines at Jisung while his father shuffled him into Johnny’s room.

 

The last kiss he left on Jisung’s forehead while tucking him into bed, whispering a quiet  _ “I’ll see you in the morning,”  _ before leaving for his overnight shift that he’d never return from. 

 

“Kind of, yeah.” He answered finally, praying to every deity he could think of that Chenle would drop the conversation. 

 

Chenle didn’t ask anything else, thank god- he only looked up at Jisung’s face, cheeks tinted pink.

 

They were so close, Jisung was practically going cross-eyed trying to keep eye contact, and Chenle just kept glancing between his eyes and his lips, almost expectantly, like he was waiting for Jisung to do something.

 

What could he possibly want Jisung to do? Did he want him to ask a question, too? Did he want to unload some of his baggage?

 

“What I want to know is what happened with you and that girlfriend.” Jisung said quietly, and Chenle’s gaze snapped away, his face flushing a deep red.

 

“Oh….” Chenle looked down, opting instead to lean his head on Jisung’s shoulder. “Um, she was a little bit older than me, and she wanted to- you know-  _ do _ things, but the only place we could do it was in the booth, so like-”

 

“Hold on, slow down.” Jisung bit his lip to hide his smile. Chenle was finally flustered,  _ really _ flustered in front of him, and it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

Chenle took a deep breath, before speaking again, slower this time. “My ex, Yuqi, she’s two years older than me. Her dad is a priest, so we hung out at his church a lot. And she always wanted to like…  _ do  _ stuff, so we just mostly kissed a lot, because she said she would wait until I was ready, and then one night I told her I was ready to do  _ more,  _ so that night while her dad was in his office, we just went into his booth, and… yeah.”

 

“But you didn’t… like, all the way?”

 

“No, no no!” Chenle said quickly, blushing even brighter. “Only, um, some stuff. One thing, really.”

 

“How far did you go?” Jisung asked, trying not to smile. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to-”

 

“No, I can, I just… don’t know the word. Hold on.” Chenle sat up a little in Jisung’s lap, then made a crude gesture with his hands.

 

Realization spread across Jisung’s face, and his jaw dropped. “Oh my god, Chenle, you  _ fingered a girl in a confession booth _ -”

 

“Don’t tell anyone!” He squeaked, burying his face in Jisung’s neck. “I don’t think I was really ready for that, either, I just kind of felt really… um, I don’t know the right word in English to say what I mean, but, sad? Kind of? I don’t know, I don’t think I was as ready as I thought I was, so I don’t want people to know about it. I still feel kind of young to do that stuff, anyway, like, I’m only  _ fifteen _ , but then Lucy is younger than us, and  _ she’s _ done it all, and a lot of my friends back home have done all those things too and I just feel so pressured, and she’s so much older and had other boyfriends before me-”

 

Chenle was rambling now, voice muffled by Jisung’s shirt, and as adorable as it was to hear, he was going to give himself a nervous breakdown if he kept talking.

 

“Hey, it’s fine,” Jisung interrupted. “I don’t think of you any different, if you’re worried about that.”

 

“Oh thank god.” Chenle breathed, shoulders relaxing. 

 

“Actually,” Jisung continued, “I think it’s good when people can say no to that stuff, it shows that they know themselves really well.” This wasn’t something he generally liked to talk about, but if it was for the sake of comforting Chenle, he’d talk about anything under the sun. 

 

“I think so too.” Chenle sighed, sitting up and pushing his hair back from his face.

 

“Once Ten told me that if you can’t talk openly about doing that stuff with someone, then you have no business actually doing that with them.” Well, Ten had used a lot cruder wording, but Jisung figured he’d protect Chenle’s ears as much as he could. 

 

“That’s… really good advice, actually.” Chenle smiled a little.

 

Jisung nodded. “Yeah, Ten gives good advice.”

 

“I want to meet him.” Chenle said, smile growing. 

 

“Oh hell no. He’s fucking crazy.” Jisung grinned.

 

The two dissolved into a fit of giggles, Chenle toppling off Jisung and onto the sand, the dampness making it stick to his clothes. Not that it mattered- the moisture had long since seeped through Chenle’s flannel, and Jisung’s legs and bottom hem of his shirt were both sufficiently wet.

 

“We should go soon.” Chenle said after awhile. They were sitting across from each other now, hands intertwined between them. “It’s getting kind of late.”

 

“What time is it?” 

 

Chenle shifted, pulled his phone out of his back pocket, and unlocked it. 12:41 AM.

 

“Well fuck.” Jisung said, standing up and dusting off his jeans. There was wet sand caked in the seams of his pockets, but he could deal with that later. Right now he had to figure out a way to get Chenle home, and then find a way home himself, hopefully not to a desecreated bean bag chair. 

 

“I’ll call Renjun, see if he can pick me up.” 

 

Jisung nodded in agreement, pulling out his own phone to check for notifications- he usually kept all group chats muted because group chats were fucking annoying and he was only ever really in them because Lucy or Donghyuck would bitch about it if he left, but the amount of texts he had individually was worrying, and he swiped into his texts with Donghyuck to try and get a clearer picture of what was going on.

 

**_Annoying_ **

**_23:14_ **

_ Dude you might wanna get a new beanbag chair, I was the last one out but those three were getting REAL spicy on there _

 

**_Annoying_ **

**_23:28_ **

_ Oh yeah you definitely need a new beanbag chair I’m so sorry man I can hear them from outside your door _

 

**_Annoying_ **

**_23:31_ **

_ This tragic can I put it on my finsta _

 

**_Annoying_ **

**_23:45_ **

_ I assume you’re too busy admiring fine china to answer me so I’m gonna put it on my finsta anyway _

 

Jisung locked his phone. His high was reasonably faded by now, and he was pretty much completely coherent again, but that was one issue he did not want to deal with.

 

Chenle hung up the phone, smiling brightly up at him, and the beanbag chair issue took a backseat in his mind. “Renjun is coming to pick me up, he said it’d take a couple minutes though. He sounded really… weird on the phone, like he was running or something.”

 

Jisung closed his eyes, holding his head in his hands. “You might have to walk back to the boardwalk on your own, I don’t know if I can look Renjun in the eye anymore.”

 

\-- 

 

He did end up having to look Renjun in the eye, because he didn’t want Chenle walking alone in any way shape or form, even the short distance from the rocks to the boardwalk.

 

Renjun’s car wasn’t anything special- an old Honda CRV, probably passed down from someone in his family. It was a mom car, fitting for the way Renjun hopped down from the drivers seat and gave Jisung the most murderous glare he’d ever received.

 

“If you so much as  _ touch _ him in any way shape or form, I will shove a dull knife so far up your-”

 

“Renjun,” Chenle whined, then said something in Mandarin that Jisung would probably never be able to decipher. 

 

Renjun blinked once, then twice, before shooting Jisung one last dirty look before climbing back into the car.

 

“Thank you for, um, taking me out.” Chenle turned to him, cheeks flushed again. “And talking to me about stuff. I really appreciate it. Appreciate? Did I say that right?” 

 

“Yeah, you said it right.” Jisung grinned, feeling his face heat up a little. 

 

“Text me when you get home?” Chenle cautiously stepped forward, sliding his arms around Jisung’s waist and pulling him into a hug. 

 

“I will, don’t worry.” Jisung smiled, hugging back. It was new to him, being so touchy with someone. He’d never done that before with any of his friends.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Chenle asked, pulling away a little

 

“See you tomorrow.” Jisung echoed, smiling down at him. 

 

Renjun beeped the car horn twice, which was enough for Chenle to jump back, scurrying to the car and hopping in the passenger seat.

 

“Goodbye, Jisungie!” Chenle called out the window as they drove off. 

 

Jisung sighed and pulled out his phone, opening his Spotify app.

 

What was he going to listen to? 

 

His fingers seemed to move on their own accord, typing E-X-O into the search bar and pressing shuffle. 

 

_ Hello angel~ _

 

The man’s voice rang clear in his ears, the Korean words washing over him in a mix of nostalgia and something new. 

 

He’d thought Chenle was an angel when he’d first met him. 

 

It seemed fitting, Jisung thought as he walked down the boardwalk towards his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I don't know how to add links to chapter notes but a special thank you to princepixel on here (pixeljunnie on twt) for being on call with me and talking me through the bulk of this chapter, they really helped a lot and they write some rly awesome shit you should go check them out if you haven't already!!
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU SOOOSOSOSO MUCH for all the love on chapter 9, it was the best response I've recieved so far on anything and I'm so happy people are out here reading and commenting on my work, I feel like I say this all the time but I can't thank you guys enough. Every kudos and comment and subscription means the absolute world to me, and I feel so blessed for people to actually be enjoying something of my creation!!!
> 
> also ya'll see that shameless exo plug? I have a playlist for this AU but I can't figure out how to add it into the notes so I'll keep it pinned on my twitter until I can figure out how i apologize for how technologically inept I am
> 
> EDIT WE HIT FINALLY 420 KUDOS ON THE WEED FIC AYY BLAZE IT


	11. i'll solve it, tell me everything, let me have it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Let Me by Golden Child
> 
> hi i have no excuse for uploading this late other than i started produce 48

The minute Jisung got home, the first thing he did was pull out a garbage bag from the cabinet under the sink. 

 

There were still people at the apartment, although the party had died down considerably- it was mostly Johnny’s inner circle of friends that were left, draped across various furniture in their living room, stoned out of their minds. Lucy was nowhere in sight, which was slightly worrying, but Donghyuck and Mark were still there, curled up on the couch playing a video game.

 

“Jisung, where did you come from?” Johnny looked up from his spot sprawled out on the floor, his giant body taking up almost half the carpet. 

 

“I just needed air.” He answered, briskly walking past and into the bathroom.

 

His face was still bright red, despite having said goodbye to Chenle almost a half hour ago, and his clothes still had bits of sand caked between the seams. 

 

He needed to get rid of the beanbag chair, or it was going to cause a nervous breakdown.

 

His hands were trembling as he opened the linen cabinet, finding their way to Taeyong’s hair dye box and pulling out a pair of rubber gloves. Jisung could barely pull them on, he was shaking so hard, and they were definitely made for smaller Taeyong-sized hands.

 

They were mostly on right. It was close enough.

 

He ran down the hallway to his bedroom, nearly breaking down the door, and shook the garbage bag open.

 

There was the chair.

 

Jisung shuffled over, his whole body feeling like it was going to explode. He never wanted to see the chair again. There was nothing funny looking about it- no stains, no rips, just an indent where the three had been curled up on it.

 

Getting it in the garbage bag was another debacle.

 

He didn't want to touch it, it was tainted- Jisung had no idea which one of them had done what on it, and he didn't care enough to find out. All he cared about was getting it out of his sight, out of his mind, so he never had to think about anything involving what had gone down on it ever again.

 

There was also the issue of taking it out of his room- Johnny and his friends were still in the living room, he couldn’t dispose of it without them asking questions. 

 

Covering it and hoping the germs didn't spread would have to do for now, until tomorrow morning when Johnny was working and Jisung could discreetly drag the bag down to the dumpster.

 

He shook out the garbage bag and pulled it over the chair, being careful not to touch it. He didn't quite trust Taeyong’s gloves to protect his skin, they were too small for him, threatening to rip open at any second. 

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Jisung ignored it.

 

He nudged the bottom of the chair with the toe of his shoe, the last corner of it disappearing into the bag, and tied it shut.

 

Out of sight, out of mind, at least for now.

 

There was still a few joints left unlit on his nightstand. He hadn’t rolled them, someone else had before they’d left the room- probably Donghyuck, considering how long the tails of them were (he was awful at remembering to rip the excess off). 

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it. 

 

There had to be a lighter around somewhere, right?

 

Jisung fished around in his nightstand drawer until he found one, bright purple with yellow stars. He grabbed one of the joints off his bedside table and twisted it between his fingers a few times for good measure, then pulled the tail off and brought it to his lips.

 

The beanbag chair was out of the question, and his jeans were still too damp to comfortably sit on his bed, so he plopped down on the floor and started picking up the stray cups and cans that his friends had left.

 

Jisung liked cleaning, he liked organizing, it was something he’d figured out from a young age. His mother had never been a tidy person, and neither was Johnny, both always haphazardly throwing things around when they were too tired to do much else. Lucy was the same way, although hers was more purposeful- she didn’t like being in places that didn't look lived-in.

 

“It's an act of rebellion,” He remembered Ten saying when he was around nine or ten, while Jisung picked up clothes off the older’s bedroom floor and threw them into the hamper by the closet. 

 

Johnny had been sitting on the bed with him on a rare day off from work, and Ten had just started his first psychology class at their high school- he was testing his new knowledge of child development on Jisung and Johnny, claiming they were a good way for him to see the effects of a broken home in real life. 

 

Really, Ten just wanted them both to talk about stuff, because according to him and his textbook, bottling things up was bad, and reaching out for help and talking about things was the best way to cope with it. 

 

It wasn't that Jisung didn't like talking to Ten- he loved it, in fact, because most of the conversations were relatively one-sided to begin with. Ten loved to talk, and Jisung loved to listen. It had been their dynamic since day one, and he couldn't be more grateful.

 

It was just so, so much easier for Ten to get information out of Johnny. He was more open, easier to share his feelings. And when Jisung was in the room, if Johnny got anything wrong, the younger could throw in his two cents without saying much else and be done with it because Johnny would take back the conversation.

 

Ten was more than just Johnny’s boyfriend back then. He was their therapist too, because their mother would never send either of them to a real one. Letting Jisung clean his room was just an added bonus that he was very, very thankful for. 

 

Moving in with Taeyong was annoying at first- rather than Jisung’s preference for cleanliness, Taeyong had an actual compulsion disorder, and a constant need to make sure everything was not only spotless, but  _ disinfected.  _ Sundays were designated cleaning days- Taeyong would open every window in the house, scrub down every counter, bleach the entire bathroom until the whole house was spotless.

 

It was annoying at first, but Jisung had come to enjoy it. Taeyong always listened to music while he worked, and it was different then Johnny and Ten’s music taste, which mostly consisted of white boys with acoustic EDM singing about heartbreak and pills. It was a nice change of pace. Taeyong’s preferences usually fell into two categories- older gay pop anthems or alternative rap.

 

It was nice to have music to listen to, and cleaning was satisfying- on the rare Sundays when Ten was around, he’d always say it was a metaphor for his past, or something stupid like that. Jisung didn’t care much for metaphors, but scrubbing a bathtub clean while Kelly Clarkson blasted throughout the house had become one of his favorite things to do.

 

It was still Friday night- well, technically early Saturday morning. They wouldn't be cleaning for another two days, but it was still something to look forward to.

 

Jisung’s phone buzzed again in his back pocket, this time repeatedly. Someone was calling him.

 

He sighed and took another drag of the joint, then sat up a little to pull it out of his pocket. 

 

A picture of Chenle he’d taken on the beach one day, head thrown back laughing, with the words  _ Angel sent from above _ in white text.

 

He blinked a few times and leaned back against his bed, trying to clear the fuzz from his mind, until he realized,  _ oh, Chenle was calling him _ .

 

“Hello?” He croaked, bringing the phone up to his ear.

 

“Are you home?” Chenle’s voice sounded impatient, accent bleeding out more than usual.

 

Jisung looked up at his surroundings- his photographs of the boardwalk Johnny had taken and framed for him, the bed he was leaning on, his rickety desk in the corner. Definitely his bedroom. “Yeah, why?”

 

“You never texted me.” He could hear Chenle pouting though the phone, and it made him upset. What was Chenle sad for? He’d seen him a few hours ago, hadn’t he? 

 

“Never texted you what?” Jisung flicked away the ashes off the end of the joint and pulled it to his mouth again, inhaling. 

 

“You told me you’d text me when you got home, so I'd know you were safe, because Renjun told me it's dangerous to be alone outside in America, and you never texted me. I texted you  _ four times,  _ and you never answered.” The accent was  _ really  _ prevalent now, and it took a few seconds for his words to register in Jisung’s brain.

 

He’d been so occupied by getting rid of the beanbag chair, he’d completely forgotten to let Chenle know he was safe.

 

“Oh, shit, I'm sorry.” Jisung fumbled, smoke curling out of his mouth. 

 

“I was worried, you asshole.” Chenle was still clearly in a state of distaste.

 

“I…..” Jisung cradled the phone between his shoulder and neck, using his free hand to pick at a spot on his jeans. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

 

“It's fine, I know you’re okay  _ now,  _ but I was fucking worried.”

 

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you drop the F-bomb.” Jisung bit his lip, trying to hide his smile.

 

“Did I use it right?” The tone of his voice was a little higher now, more playful.

 

“Yeah, you did.” Jisung grinned, taking another hit from the joint.

 

“Good. Anyway, you had me worried. I thought something happened to you.”

 

“No, nothing happened.” He pulled his phone away, putting it on speaker and setting it down on the edge of his bed. He needed to change out of the wet clothes, the high making him sensitive to the feeling of the sand on his skin. 

 

“I found out about your beanbag chair, by the way.” Chenle said, and Jisung could hear the smile in his voice.

 

He glanced in distaste at the bag in the corner of the room, inhaling from the joint again. Jisung was considerably less anxious about it now- the drug had calmed him down a lot, and maybe he was already higher than he’d meant to be, having smoked half the joint already, but accidents happened sometimes. 

 

“He said second base. I don't know what that means because I  _ still  _ don’t know why you people use baseball for talking about sex, but from my understanding, that’s not bad.” 

 

“Yeah, that’s not as bad.” Jisung answered, kicking his jeans off and pulling sweatpants out of one of his drawers. He’d deal with washing them in the morning. 

 

“What’d you do with the chair, anyway?” 

 

“Garbage bag.” There was something eating at him in the back of his mind, but everything was too out of focus to put a finger on it. 

 

“Garbage bag? That's it?” Chenle giggled a little, and a warm feeling spread throughout his body. Chenle had a nice giggle

 

“Yeah, I don't like messy things in my room.” Jisung mumbled without thinking, balancing his joint on the corner of his table and shrugging off his shirt.

 

“Yeah, I noticed your room was really clean. I like it, by the way.” Chenle spoke a little softer now, and is Jisung focused enough, he could almost imagine the older blushing. “Your room, I mean.”

 

“Thank you.” Jisung smiled a little. The compliment made him feel like he was floating over to his closet rather than walking, and he almost bumped into the door when he reached to grab a sweatshirt.

 

“Why don’t you like messy rooms?” Chenle asked, and Jisung hurried back to his bed.

 

“Mom was messy.” He answered breathlessly, sitting down and pulling the sweatshirt on. “Cleaned up after her.”

 

“You never told me about your mom earlier,” Chenle said, “Like, why she isn't around.”

 

Jisung felt his heart stop, but everything was too fuzzy for him to react- his mind was bouncing everywhere, and he couldn't focus on one thought.

 

“You never asked.” He carefully reached for his joint off the nightstand. 

 

“Well I'm asking now.” The older replied. “Why isn't she around?”

 

A memory flashed through his mind- eleven years old, stuffing a suitcase and loading it into Johnny’s car the night before, how calm Johnny’s voice had been as he told her they were leaving. How loud she’d screamed, how angry she’d been.

 

“I moved out with Johnny when he turned eighteen.” That wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole story, but Jisung was in no state to tell him that. 

 

“And then what happened?” Chenle continued, genuine concern laced in his voice.

 

Jisung stayed silent, eyes trained on the burning end of his joint. This was a hard question. They were all hard questions, and he was too high to think straight and make an excuse not to answer. 

 

“We, uh, never kept in touch.” Again, not a lie.

 

Chenle stayed silent on the other end for a minute. “Did something happen?”

 

Jisung didn't respond, only taking another hit of the joint and flicking away the ash. His brain had completely fizzled out, white noise cracking in his ears, mind bouncing between a hundred thoughts all at once.

 

“You don't have to tell me,” Chenle continued, “If you don’t want to. I’m just trying to figure things out.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jisung almost didn't recognize his own voice, and he glanced down at the joint in his hand. It was almost finished.

 

“I mean…. hold on, I have to think. English is hard.” He murmured, before muttering something in Chinese that sounded like music to Jisung’s ears. 

 

“Cute.” Jisung said, smiling a little. His filter was long gone now, and he knew he’d hate himself for speaking so openly in the morning, but his mind was too hazy to care.

 

“Shut up, asshole.” He could hear the smile in Chenle’s voice. “You’re the cute one. Anyways, what I mean is, whenever I bring up your family, or your past or that stuff, you always shut down. I want to know why.”

 

“Uh…..” The younger drew a blank, Chenle’s words getting lost in his mind. “Can you say that again? I didn't understand.”

 

“English is your first language, not mine, I should be the one-” Chenle stopped for a minute, and when he spoke again, his words were slower, softer. “Jisung, are you high right now?”

 

Jisung pursed his lips, glancing back and forth between the joint and his phone. “Extremely, yeah.”

 

“I know you can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes right now.”

 

Jisung grinned and took one last hit of the joint before squashing the end against his windowsill. “I figured.”

 

“How much of your life do you spend high?”

 

Jisung thought for a moment before laying back down on his bed and plugging his phone in, letting it rest on his pillow. The only time he  _ wasn’t  _ guaranteed to be high in any way was while he was at dance team rehearsals, and although he preferred being buzzed to actually being high, he supposed it still counted. “Like, sixty percent.”

 

“That’s not good, you know. There are news stories and stuff about drugs messing up your brain when you’re young.”

 

“And?” Jisung knew all of that, he just couldn't bring himself to care. 

 

“It's not good for you.” 

 

“Nothing is good for me.” Jisung answered thoughtfully, reaching his hand towards the ceiling. 

 

His fingers seemed longer than usual, the haze in his mind distorting his perception and exaggerating the curves of his skin. He waved his hand back and forth and twisted his wrist around, nerves buzzing from the movement. It felt tingly, and he giggled a little at the sensation.

 

“That doesn't sound good.” Chenle said, voice dropping a little.

 

“No, it's good. Like, even when it's not good, it’s still good, ‘cause  _ you’re  _ here, and you’re good. You make shit good.” Jisung babbled. He  _ knew  _ he was making no sense, but it was out of his control at this point.

 

Chenle didn't respond for a minute, trying to think of the words to say. “You sound crazy.”

 

“I sound just fine.” Jisung slipped under the blankets, running a hand through his hair. The air conditioner was too high, chilling him to the bone. 

 

“Whatever you say, Sungie.” Chenle laughed a little then, and Jisung felt warmth spreading throughout his body. 

 

Chenle’s laugh was nice. It brought him back to reality a little. 

 

Jisung wasn’t exactly sure what happened next. His memory had fizzled out somewhere along the lines, and the next thing he knew, he was waking up to sunlight streaming through his window, and when he rolled over, there was a single text notification lighting up his phone screen.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_02:53_ **

_ You fell asleep a few minutes ago, I hung up so your phone wouldn’t die! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_02:53_ **

_ I’m guessing you’re going to sleep in tomorrow, so I think I’m going to go out and sing in the morning! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_02:54_ **

_ Call me when you wake up! _

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_02:54_ **

_ 你的呼噜声很可爱… ❤️ _

 

Jisung felt his face grow hot and slid his phone under his pillow, turning over and burying himself in the blankets. The time on his phone read nine-thirty, definitely way too early to deal with the butterflies in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i apologize for this bs filler chapter but i needed to add some space before i get onto good stuff 
> 
> also i don't condone drug use at all in the way it's used in this chapter, don't be reckless kids


	12. we're like two halves of one heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Troye Sivan's for him.
> 
> trigger warning there's some child abuse mentions toward the very end, nothing detailed, but it is mentioned so please stay safe while reading!!

“Your English is getting a lot better.” Jisung said later that day, after he’d showered and met Chenle out on the boardwalk. 

 

Jisung hadn't woken up until three in the afternoon, which ended up being a blessing in disguise, as everybody was out of the house and he could dispose of the garbage bag discreetly. He’d met up with Chenle a few hours later once the beach had cleared out a little, and Jisung had decided to take him somewhere new- his high school’s soccer field, which was sitting empty and unused until conditioning started next week.

 

“It’s because I’m around you so much.” Chenle answered, looking over at the younger. “ You make talking easier.” 

 

“Oh really?” A smile played at Jisung’s lips. “How do I do that?”

 

Chenle sat up from where he’d been laying down, leaning back on the palms of his hands. “You’re a good listener. You don’t talk a lot unless I’m asking you to explain things, and you always explain things in ways I can understand, and you don’t make fun of me when I get words wrong. Like, when I first came here, I could always understand really well, but I wasn't comfortable enough to speak back without being scared it would sound wrong.”

 

Jisung stared up at him from where he was sprawled out in the grass, trying to keep his gaze focused on Chenle’s eyes.

 

“You don’t use crazy big words like Renjun does,” he continued, “and you don’t think I’m stupid because I don't understand the things Americans say sometimes. You talk slow sometimes, especially when you're high, and I always feel like I know exactly what you mean. And you listen to me talking about EXO, even if you don’t stan them, and I’m really comfortable talking about them because I’ve been stanning for so long, so that helps me be able to speak more English, too, and the  _ more  _ I talk the more it helps, so I guess it’s good you don’t talk as much as I do. And I can tell you like my voice,” he added, “So it works out for both of us.”

 

Jisung blushed at that last part and rolled over onto his stomach, plucking a piece of grass from the ground. “You’re right, it does.”

 

“So you  _ do _ like listening to me talk.” Jisung could hear the smile in his voice, and had to fight not to grin back up at him. 

 

He paused for a minute, ripping the piece of grass down the middle. “Yeah,” he said finally, “I do. I like it a lot.” 

 

“I’m glad.” Chenle reached out to pet his hair, and Jisung rolled back over and shifted around so his head was in Chenle’s lap again. 

 

For a few minutes they just sat like that- Jisung picking out stray pieces of grass and pulling them apart, Chenle carding his fingers through the younger’s hair and straightening out the knots.

 

“Can I put on some music?” Chenle asked suddenly, and Jisung nodded in response.

 

He shifted a little to pull his phone out of his pocket and Jisung dropped his piece of grass onto his chest. 

 

Chenle would probably end up singing along, which was always Jisung’s favorite part of the arrangement.

 

He did end up singing, but it wasn’t something Jisung had heard from him before. 

 

It was in English, which wasn’t  _ too  _ out of the ordinary, but usually Chenle’s music taste in English was pretty basic- a lot of stuff was banned in China,  and Chenle only had access to Spotify for the three weeks he’d been in America. 

 

This time, the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5wjOYg3SJQ) was dark and slow, and when the artist started singing, Chenle only hummed along. Jisung could see why- the song was pretty high, and he figured it would be hard to sing it comfortably with someone laying in your lap.

 

Jisung actually liked it better like this- he could hear his breathing better, could hear the slightly-too-fast pace of his heart. 

 

Chenle seemed to be focusing on him more too, which was a little out of the ordinary. Usually, he was more focused on singing the words, the hand in Jisung’s hair more of an afterthought. This time though, the humming seemed to take a backseat to the hair-playing, and Chenle’s full attention was focused on him.

 

“What’s China like?” Jisung asked as the first song ended, eyes still closed.

 

“It's… different.” Chenle replied, leaning forward a little. He rested his free hand lightly against Jisung’s where it had been laying on his chest and laced their fingers together, squeezing a little. “A lot of people in America think it’s a bad place to be,” he continued as another song started, this time a Halsey B-side that Jisung vaguely remembered Donghyuck listening to a few years back. “But it’s just different than it is here. I don’t really know how to explain it in English, but the government telling us what to do isn’t as bad as Americans seem to think it is. It’s just normal back home. We don’t have all the freedom that you guys do, but it’s not a bad thing.”

 

“The government is less restrictive than it looks in the media, is what you’re trying to say?” Jisung asked, and his voice came out a lot squeakier than normal. Chenle holding his hand had sent his brain into overdrive.

 

“Yeah, that.” The older nodded, still playing with Jisung’s hair. “Everybody in America seems to think it’s like The Hunger Games or something. It’s not like that. It’s just… I don’t know. The whole government thing isn’t really bad, if you’re used to it. It’s just a different system.”

 

Jisung hummed lightly in understanding, shifting so he was more comfortable. 

 

“Most of the kids there eat textbooks for breakfast. School is everything back at home. It’s always foggy all the time, and the air is really dirty, but that’s just because it’s Shanghai. We don’t really have the same… social stuff, we don’t have Facebook and all that, but I have a VPN that lets me get onto Twitter. There’s lots of tourists, because a lot of people in Shanghai speak English, and there’s a lot of foreign restaurants and nightclubs and all of that.”

 

“Isn’t the VPN thing illegal? Can’t you get in trouble for that?” Jisung asked, eyes fluttering open.

 

“Well, not really.” Chenle blushed a little and looked down at him, and Jisung felt his heart turn to mush. “There are certain ones we can use.”

 

“And isn’t it hard to leave the country?”

 

“Not if you have family here. It’s not just Renjun and Sicheng and their mom that live here- I have a couple other aunts and uncles, and another cousin who’s a little older than me.” Chenle paused for a minute before speaking again, voice so soft Jisung could barely hear it over the music. “I want to take you there.”

 

“You want to  _ what?” _

 

“I want to take you there.” Chenle repeated, a little louder. “To Shanghai. I want to fly you out and show you my city.”

 

“I don’t even have a passport.” Jisung sat up, turning around to look at the older. “I’ve never left LA.” 

 

Chenle grinned. “Then you  _ have  _ to go. I want to show you around. I want to introduce you to my parents, they’d love you.”

 

Jisung felt his mouth go dry at the implication. He wasn’t someone parents were very big on usually- he was tall and awkward, never knowing what to do with his too-long limbs, and his skin was darker than Chenle’s was- wasn’t there some kind of pale skin idealization over there? And if Chenle’s parents knew about his background, he’d be dead.

 

“You don’t have to be so shy about it.” Chenle smiled a little. “I’ve already told my mom about you. She keeps bugging me to FaceTime her when you’re around. She thinks you’re good for me.”

 

Oh wow, even  _ more  _ implications. Jisung wanted nothing more than to just curl up in a hole and disappear. This was too much pressure, and they weren’t even dating or anything. 

 

“What kind of things did you tell her?” Jisung asked cautiously, leaning on the backs of his hands. 

 

It was Chenle’s turn to blush now. “I told her that you help me with English,” He said, taking Jisung’s hand again. “And that you’re tall and you’re kind of stupid but you make me laugh anyway, and that you’re a really good dancer and-”

 

“You’ve never seen me dance, though.” Jisung’s entire face was bright red by now eyes glued to a spot on the grass. 

 

“Jeno sent Renjun a snapchat of your dance practice last week and he showed me. I know it was only a couple seconds, but it was really good.” 

 

“Even more of a reason for me to kill him now.” Jisung muttered. He still wasn’t over the events of last night.

 

“They didn’t actually do anything on your chair, by the way, I found out from Renjun this morning.”

 

Jisung frowned. “But Donghyuck was telling me he could hear them.”

 

“They were just making out really loud, and then they moved it to Renjun’s car.”

 

That provided a little bit of comfort, at least, but something didn’t quite match up.

 

“Renjun picked you up last night, though. You  _ sat _ in his car.”

 

“Jaemin and Jeno were sleeping in the trunk.” 

 

“Oh god.”

 

“Yeah, once he told me that this morning I took the hottest shower of my life.”

 

“Do you know what’s going on with the three of them?” Jisung asked, squeezing Chenle’s hand a little tighter. Jeno and Jaemin knew he didn't like to talk about the sex thing, so they usually kept mentions of their hookups to a minimum around him, but Renjun was something he’d been curious about from day one. Aside from the things Chenle had told him, Jisung had absolutely no idea where those three stood. 

 

Chenle purses his lips, eyebrows furrowed deep in thought. “Renjun doesn’t like to tell me about that stuff, because he says he wants to be a good influence, or whatever, so I don’t know about the drugs he does or his sex life or anything like that, and I don’t really  _ want  _ to know, because he’s my  _ cousin _ , and I don’t know  _ why  _ he thinks he’s a good influence because I’ve seen his internet history and I follow his private twitter and I’m the one who beta reads his XiuHan smut-”

 

Jisung’s cheeks grew bright red again. “I didn't need to know that.”

 

“Shush, yes you did. Anyway, I think they’re just all hooking up with each other all the time.” 

 

“Everybody knows that.”

 

“Well, yeah, but I mean  _ all  _ the time. Like, even when people are in the house.”

 

Jisung grimaced. “Yikes.”

 

“I mean, my aunt doesn’t care. She’s really cool. She knows she raised him right and he won’t do dumb things, ‘cause she didn't raise Sicheng right the first time around and he’s a mess now.” 

 

Jisung nodded along, trying not to pry in for answers. Chenle hadn’t talked much before about his family dynamic, and Jisung was curious to see if it was as fucked up as his own.

 

“Sicheng used to be closer to us,” Chenle continued, “When we were little and they’d come to China to visit, we were…. there’s some kind of American character reference here, with three people who are really close-”

 

“The Three Musketeers?” Jisung asked, shifting his seat so him and Chenle were sitting next to each other. 

 

“Yeah, that. We were a squad.” Chenle’s cheeks flushed at using Jisung’s expression, and the younger felt a pang in his heart. “Then some things happened, and I don’t know exactly what it was, but he started being… i don’t know, just a lot more distant.” 

 

The younger nodded again, dropping Chenle’s hand and sliding an arm around his waist. 

 

“He cut out  _ my  _ family completely- like, the ones who live in China still, and he tried really hard to cut off Renjun and my aunt too. This past year it’s gotten better, Renjun says he comes around the house more, and he’s talking to me again. He still hasn’t called my mom in a couple years, but I’m sure he’ll get there.” Chenle smiled up, eyes full of hope, and it made Jisung wonder how much love Chenle could possibly have in his heart to give.

 

It seemed like he had a lot.

 

“You don’t seem bitter about it at all. Wouldn’t you be mad at him for cutting you off?”

 

Chenle’s expression dropped a little, eyes falling to stare at the ground in front of Jisung’s lap. “Sometimes, yeah. But I know it’s not his fault. Something must have happened to make him do that, and I’m sure he’ll talk about it once he’s ready.”

 

Chenle was officially too good for this world.

 

“It’s good that you think like that.” Jisung said, shifting a little closer. “I’d be bitter as fuck if anyone cut me off like that.” 

 

“Last night, you said something about your mom not keeping in touch.” Chenle leaned on his shoulder, nuzzling into his side. “You made it sound like she cut you off, too. Are you bitter about that?”

 

Jisung inhaled sharply. Of course his mom was coming up again.

 

Lucy told him it was okay to open up. It wasn’t that he didn't  _ trust  _ Chenle- it was just a hard thing to talk about, and the last thing he wanted was for the older to pity him or judge him because of it. He didn’t want his friendship with Chenle to be compromised because of his past- this was the present, and he was perfectly fine with how things were going. Unloading any more baggage would just cause-

 

“Are you okay?” Chenle looked up. “You’re breathing really hard.”

 

Blood rushed to Jisung’s cheeks, and he shook his hair out, forcing a small smile. “I'm fine. And, yeah, I’m a little bitter still, but we’ve been without her for a couple years so it doesn’t bother me too much.”

 

It wasn't a  _ total  _ lie- it had been a few years since him and Johnny moved out, and it didn’t bother him much during the day when he was around other people. It only affected him when he was alone, or if someone brought up the specifics, or if he smoked the wrong strain. 

 

“It seems like it bothers you more than you say it does.” Chenle murmured, shifting close enough to practically sit in Jisung’s lap. 

 

Jisung didn’t answer, only letting his other arm slide around the smaller’s waist, hands clasped comfortably below the small of his back. 

 

“You know, you can tell me. Just like I told you the thing about my ex last night, and you didn’t judge me for it. It won’t change anything, I promise.”

 

It wasn't that he didn't  _ want  _ to talk about it. He just wasn’t sure if he could yet, and he racked his brain for a way to change the subject.

 

The music from Chenle’s phone was still playing from where it rested on the grass. The [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BClFpTijh1Y) was soft again, something Jisung vaguely recognized from Jeno’s eighth grade emo phase.

 

“What’s this playlist?” Jisung asked suddenly, glancing over at the phone. 

 

“Oh, that.” Chenle’s entire face flushed bright red, eyes darting around like he’d been caught doing something scandalous. “Um, last night after you fell asleep on the phone, I made a playlist of songs that made me think of you.”

 

Oh.  _ Oh. _

 

Jisung felt his own cheeks grow hotter, looking down into his lap. “I… like it. The songs are good.”

 

“You’ve only heard two of them.” Chenle grinned, wrapping his arms around Jisung’s neck and leaning on him a little more.

 

“They’re both good. I want to listen to the rest of it.” 

 

Chenle let his hand drop to Jisung’s chest, pushing him back so he was laying on the grass again. He reached over and grabbed his phone, then crawled over to curl up next to the younger on the ground. “We can stay here for a little bit. I don’t need to do anything for the rest of the day.”

 

Jisung swallowed hard, eyeing Chenle’s position. Laying in a field cuddling for an hour or so, if not longer? It seemed too good to be true.

 

“I’m okay with that.” Jisung squeaked, mentally slapping himself for sounding so flustered.

 

Chenle smiled, eyes sparkling, and pulled the younger’s arm around his shoulders. The song that was playing had finished and he heard the beginning of the next one, a low synth build before a familiar  _ Hello, Angel~  _ rang through the air.

 

“I’ve heard this song.” Jisung said suddenly, turning to the older. “I listened to it last night.”

 

Chenle’s face split into a grin and he slung an arm around Jisung’s middle, squeezing lightly.. “You’ve been listening to EXO because of me?”

 

Jisung was just about ready to combust on the spot, and he had no doubt if he looked in the mirror his face would be brighter than a tomato. “I checked them out last night. This was the first song that came on.”

 

“Interesting.” Chenle’s eyes crinkled.

 

He listened closer to the lyrics, eyebrows knitted in concentration. Jisung could  _ understand _ this, just like last night. “This is the Korean version. Didn’t you say they made Mandarin versions of all the songs?”

 

“Well, yeah, but I’m obviously not going to add that onto a playlist for my Korean bo- for my Korean friend.”

 

Jisung could hear Chenle’s heartbeat against his own ribcage, and a wave of relief washed through him. Chenle was nervous too, about whatever was going on between them. And adding in the version of a song that he couldn’t understand but Jisung could? If that wasn’t boyfriend material, Jisung wasn’t sure what was.

 

“That’s cute as hell.” Jisung muttered, not being able to contain his smile. 

 

“Fuck you,” Chenle bit back, but there was no weight behind his words. “I’m just being considerate.” His voice softened a little then, eyes darting between Jisung’s eyes and lips. “You’ve never said anything like that.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jisung asked, looking down at the older. 

 

“You’ve never… flirted with me  _ openly  _ when you’re not high.”

 

“Oh.” Jisung’s face flushed  _ again,  _ and he laid back down against the grass, heart hammering in his chest. Maybe that comment was a bad idea, maybe Chenle wasn’t into him like that-

 

“I like it. You should do it more.” Chenle added, grinning a little.

 

Well how was Jisung supposed to respond to that? Chenle liked flirting, liked it when  _ Jisung  _ flirted with  _ him,  _ and the younger felt like he was suffocating- in a good way.

 

“I’ll try.” He murmured, closing his eyes and shifting his shoulders to lay more comfortably. 

 

Chenle leaned against his chest and sighed contentedly, his free hand finding it’s was to rest on Jisung’s shoulder. 

 

For the remainder of the song, they just laid there, and when the song changed, their position didn’t.

 

Two more songs passed before Jisung looked up again, craning his neck to see Chenle’s face. “I just remembered something.”

 

The older’s eyes fluttered open, and his gaze met Jisung’s before dropping to his lips again. He leaned up a little closer, still giving Jisung that  _ look _ from last night, like he was expecting something.

 

Jisung couldn't possibly imagine what he was looking for, so he simply continued his thought.

 

“You beta read Renjun’s XiuHan smut?” his lips split into a teasing grin.

 

Chenle’s cheeks grew pink and he lightly smacked Jisung’s shoulder. “Only because he’s so lazy with grammar! He just has me check it over for that, because I had it drilled into me in school, and because your grammar will either make or break a good fanfiction.”

 

Jisung still had that teasing grin plastered on his face. “So you read smut, is what you’re saying.”

 

“Shut up.” Chenle flopped back against his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. “Most Kpop stans do. I’m sure you will too, once me and Donghyuck and Renjun manage to convert you.”

 

Jisung poked his side playfully before laying back, eyes falling shut once again. “Maybe I’ll be converted. I mean, I like what I’ve heard of it, and I can understand the lyrics anyway.”

 

“Tomorrow, then.” Chenle murmured. “I’ll show you all of my favorite Unhelpful Guide to EXO videos, and I’m sure Donghyuck and Renjun will help me make another playlist of Kpop that you’d like. You can come to Renjun’s house, my aunt is out all day. I know there’s other groups you’d like a lot, too, like Shinee, they’re Donghyuck’s ult group. You’d like Taemin a lot. American stan twitter calls him a crackhead.”

 

Jisung nodded. “Just show me what you think I’d like. I trust you.” 

 

The [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWiwuiT58Yc) changed again, and Jisung instantly recognized it- it had been big when he was younger, when Johnny and Ten’s relationship had been new and they’d play it in the car on their way to drop Jisung off at school. Waves of nostalgia washed over him- memories of Johnny and Ten swaying together in the middle of their shared at 3 AM, singing softly to each other, thinking Jisung was asleep and couldn’t hear. Johnny sneaking it onto Taeyong’s cleaning playlist, Taeyong blushing like crazy when he heard the opening notes, tearing up before smacking him with the feather duster he’d been holding. Johnny had pulled him into a hug afterward, and they slow danced to it in the middle of the kitchen, Jaehyun and Jisung watching and snapping pictures for blackmail the whole time. 

 

There were a lot of memories associated with this song-  _ good  _ memories. They filled Jisung with bittersweet nostalgia, reminding him of all the love he’d watched his brother give out when he was younger. He knew it was Johnny’s song for Ten and Taeyong- the song that was the best for  _ chugging his boyfriend-loving juice,  _ in Johnny terms. It fit Johnny and his boyfriends pretty well, and if Jisung wasn’t so emotionally repressed, he probably would have cried at the happy memories flooding his brain. 

 

There was also a strange tugging in his chest- it was the same feeling he got when Chenle blushed hard or held his hand, but it was stronger than any other time he’d felt it, radiating through his body and making him question everything he’d ever thought he knew about himself.

 

He opened his eyes again, gaze falling on the boy dozing off on his chest. The sun was shining against his hair, giving him a halo, the light caching his face at all the right angles. He looked even more angelic now then ever, and to say Jisung felt blessed was an understatement.

 

Chenle entered his life three weeks ago, seemingly out of nowhere, and something had clicked- he’d fallen right into place in the whirlwind that was Jisung’s life, fitting in like the last piece of a puzzle. He was something Jisung never knew he needed, and now that Chenle had made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

 

Jisung felt Chenle’s breathing even out, falling into a steady, slow rhythm against his chest, when a realization hit him.

 

This was what kept Johnny going.

 

When their mother was having an especially bad day, when her words cut deeper than any knife could, when she beat them so bad they could barely walk- Johnny kept on going, because he’d found something like this with Ten. 

 

Johnny preferred to keep the emotional details of his relationship with Ten and Taeyong private, but from the few times they’d talked about it, the message Johnny gave him was always the same. 

 

_ It’s difficult for people like you and me, _ Johnny had said,  _ to be close to people. You’ve heard Ten talk about how much mom fucked with our heads- our brains want to tell us to push people away, they’ll tell us we don’t deserve anything good, like friends or girlfriends or boyfriends, if you swing that way. But one day you’ll find somebody- it might be a really good friend, it might be someone more- who makes it all worth it. And once you find them, everything will fall into place, and it’ll bring you things you would have otherwise never even dreamt of. _

 

This must have been what Johnny was talking about. Whatever  _ this  _ was- Jisung wouldn’t call it the L word yet, they were too young for that- it was something he thought he’d never experience, far beyond the reaches of what he thought he deserved. 

 

Stealing a glance at the boy sleeping on his chest, Jisung finally understood.

 

Now that Chenle was here, he never wanted to let him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was emotionally exhausting to write and I swear I didn't orignally plan to add so much backstory filler it just kind of happened by accident and I wanted to make up for last chapter's negative undertones w/ some hardcore fluff!!!


	13. what if we said goodbye to safe and sound?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Troye Sivan's YOUTH. 
> 
> hi I'm so sorry I didn't update for a month, I started college and it's busy as hell so I haven't really had time to write much but I think I'm getting hang of the whole time management thing now so I'll write more frequently soon I promise!!
> 
> anyway apologies in advance I wrote this in 20 diff places while traveling

“I didn't know you were friends with Winwin’s brother.” Was the first thing Johnny said when Jisung walked in.

 

Winwin? Sicheng, right?

 

“Oh, um, yeah. We’re friends, I guess.” Jisung bit his lip. He wasn’t sure if he would call Renjun his  _ friend _ exactly- the older boy seemed to hate him still, probably because he was still under the impression that Jisung just wanted to get in Chenle’s pants. 

 

“Who was the other kid who came in with him?” Johnny asked, tilting his head. “He looked, like, twelve.”

 

Oh, he must be talking about Chenle.

 

“That’s his cousin. He’s my age, he’s visiting for the summer.” Jisung’s entire face flushed bright red.

 

“You’re blushing.” Johnny smirked. 

 

“I’m fine.” Jisung turned around, distracting himself by taking off his shoes. Deep breaths. He shouldn’t be this flustered from just the mention of him

 

Johnny shrugged. “I mean, from what Winwin’s told me, Renjun doesn’t seem like the type to fuck with our crowd, but if he’s cool with you then he’s always welcome here.” He smiled.

 

Jisung said a quick thank you to any god that might be listening- Johnny was  _ way  _ too good of a brother for him, always making sure Jisung was comfortable and happy. He knew most of Jisung’s friends by name and he had his favorites, too- mostly Donghyuck, although Johnny considered Jisung’s entire squad an extension of the family. 

 

Being that they were an extension of family, Johnny also appreciated when Jisung spilled the tea on what was going on, so he wasn’t left out of the loop if he talked to any of them.

 

“Oh, yeah, he definitely fucks with our crowd.” Jisung grinned, walking over to sit on the other corner of the couch.

 

“Fucks with….” Johnny’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh my  _ god, Jisung, you’re _ -”

 

“Not me!” He said quickly. “Jeno and Jaemin.”

 

Johnny blinked slowly. “Like, all three of them?”

 

“Yep.” Jisung nodded, popping the P.

 

“That’s gotta be fun to watch.” Johnny sat back, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

 

“They're  _ annoying. _ ” Jisung rolled his eyes. “They’re always all over each other _.” _

 

“Honeymoon phase.” Johnny nodded solemnly in understanding.

 

“And Renjun’s pretty much abandoned Chenle completely.” Jisung realized what he let slip a second too late, and bit his lip hard. He’d been trying to keep Chenle a secret until now- he wasn’t sure why, it just seemed better that way.

 

“Chenle? Is that his cousin’s name?” Johnny asked, and while it was an innocent question in nature, there was no way Johnny wasn’t suspicious of something.

 

“Yeah.” Jisung answered, fighting to keep his cheeks from flaring up again.

 

Evidently, he failed, because Johnny’s face split into a shit eating grin. “Is there something I should know about?”

 

“No,” Jisung answered, picking at a stray thread in his jeans. He should probably tell Johnny about his thing with Chenle. He was his brother, after all. 

 

For now, though, he was content keeping it on the down low. It made things more fun- Chenle was his little secret, something for him to keep to himself.

 

“Whatever you say.” Johnny shifted in his spot on the couch, grin still plastered across his face. 

 

Jisung frowned and kept his eyes trained on the carpet, praying for a subject change.

 

As if on cue, Johnny shifted and sat up a little. “Me and Tae and a couple of the guys have to go up to SanFran for a week. We’re leaving Tuesday morning.”

 

Tuesday morning… that was the Fourth of July, wasn't it?

 

“But you won’t be around to watch the fireworks.” Jisung pouted. Every fourth of July since he’d learned how to walk, him and Johnny would sneak out to some rooftop downtown and watch the fireworks together- it was their special tradition.

 

“I know.” Johnny sighed. “If I could reschedule it, I would. There are some guys coming over from China who want to meet with us- we’re talking international trades.  _ Huge  _ international trades. If we can somehow negotiate this deal, we might be able to buy an actual house.”

 

An actual  _ house?  _ That sounded too good to be true- houses in the LA area were expensive, and even though the apartment they had now was pretty nice, it was still too small for them to host people without it getting too crowded. Jisung had listened to Taeyong go on for  _ hours  _ just last month about how badly he wanted a garden, and with the extra space, Ten could probably move in permanently too.

 

“One thing though,” Johnny added. “I think I might want to take Lucy with us- if she’d be okay with it.”

 

Jisung nodded and bit his lip. Generally, older men were terrified of her, and the scare factor of having someone tall and pretty who looked like she could stab someone would definitely be a good asset. 

 

Plus, Lucy was smart- she didn't try in school, and she acted dumb around her friends, but she had more common sense than Jisung could ever dream of. She was a street genius. The more Jisung thought about it, the better of an idea it sounded.

 

It was just a matter of whether Lucy herself would be okay with it- but Jisung could talk to her about that later.

 

“I think that’s a good idea.” Jisung confirmed. “If you think she’d be good at talking to them, I say go for it.”

 

“Taeyong is out with the girls right now, but he’ll be back soon.” Johnny said. “We’ll talk to her tomorrow about it.” His gaze dropped, eyes falling to the floor. “Are you gonna be okay alone?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Jisung answered, nodding quickly. He knew how much Johnny worried about him alone- it was something that came from his own teenage years, and although he was relatively chill in terms of actual parenting, leaving Jisung alone wasn’t something he was comfortable with. He was constantly paranoid Jisung would let his thoughts get the better of him and try to do something stupid.

Usually Lucy was over the apartment whenever they were gone. But if she was going with them, it would just be Jisung- no outside presence to step in if things went bad.

 

“You have Sooyoung’s number if you need.” Johnny rambled. “She’s been dying for you to call her up. Same with the rest of the girls- you know how cute Joohyun thinks you are. And Hyuna, just yesterday she was talking to me about how bad your roots are-”

 

“I know, I know.” Jisung’s face flushed, His roots weren't  _ that _ bad, were they?

 

“Jae is coming too, so you’ll have to take all his usual runs. Taeyong will write a list for you once he gets home.” 

 

Jaehyun had a car- he usually was the one to handle street deals farther away, but he also charged more. If Jisung was taking his deals for the week, maybe he’d be able to have enough money to take Chenle out to a fancy restaurant, or buy him something nice-

 

“Jisung?” Johnny waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you listening still?”

 

“Shit, yeah.” Jisung’s face flushed. “Sorry, just spaced out.” 

 

“‘Kay, good. Don’t worry, I’ll be done lecturing you in a minute.” Johnny grinned and sat back. “Anyway, I know I can’t remember everything, so Taeyong is gonna talk to you more when he gets home. Just… please call someone if you don’t feel okay or if you think you’re gonna hurt yourself-”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Jisung assured. “I haven't, um, felt that sad in awhile. I’ll be fine.” He smiled, trying to lift Johnny’s spirits.

 

“Good.” Johnny repeated, leaning forward to grab the Nintendo Switch off the table and open his newest game of obsession. “Now can you help me find this Shrine? I know you've gotten all 120.”

 

Jisung grinned wide, and scooched to look over Johnny’s shoulder. “Yeah, totally. It’s the one with the statues, right?”

 

\--

 

Jisung spent the morning cleaning with Taeyong while Johnny slept in, as was the usual on a Sunday, and for once, Chenle decided to text him at a decent hour.

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:27_ **

_ I just downloaded all of exo showtime for us to watch so you can see ot12 in the flesh!!! Let me know when you’re coming so I can make popcorn and stuff ❤️ _

 

Back at it again with the heart emojis.

 

“What are you smiling at?”  Taeyong said softly as he walked into the bathroom, hands full of magic erasers.

 

“Nothing.” Jisung’s face flushed as he plucked one from Taeyong’s hands and began scrubbing at the tile. 

 

Taeyong stayed silent for a minute before grabbing a windex bottle from under the sink and spraying down the mirror. “Are you going to be okay alone?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Jisung said, frowning at a particularly bad spot on the tile.

 

“It’s not that we don’t trust you. Johnny is just-”

 

“Paranoid,” Jisung continued. “I know. But I know my own feelings and I know to call somebody if I feel… you know.”

 

It was like this every time they went away, constant reassurance that Jisung wouldn’t do anything drastic while they were gone. It was because of their own anxieties, and Jisung didn’t blame their paranoia on anyone but himself. Him and Johnny were a lot alike, and Jisung wasn’t the best at communicating. If anything went wrong they’d have no idea until it was too late.

 

“You know we love you, right? I love you, and so do Johnny and Ten, and Jaehyun, and Lucy, and Donghyuck, and all your other friends-”

 

“I know they do. I’ll be fine.” Jisung stressed, scrubbing under the faucet.

 

His phone buzzed again. 

 

**_Angel sent from above_ **

**_10:31_ **

_ Are you awake yet? _

 

Shit, Jisung should probably answer that. He dropped the magic eraser into the tub and dried his hands on his pants, pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing a quick response.

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:32_ **

_ yea i'm awake i just have to clean some stuff at home _

 

**_Jisung_ **

**_10:32_ **

_ Sunday is cleaning day  _

 

“You’re blushing again.” Taeyong said, and Jisung only flushed harder.

 

“It’s hot in here.” Jisung mumbled, sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

 

“No, it’s not. We have central air.” Taeyong smirked, throwing a paper towel into the trash can. “Are you  _ talking  _ to someone, Sungie?”

 

“No!” He said quickly, picking up the magic eraser and pulling it over a spot he’d already gotten.

 

Taeyong laughed. “You’re distracted. I know you want to go out. You know, you don't have to help me.”

 

“I like helping you.” Jisung looked up at him from the floor. 

 

“I know, and that’s why you're my favorite.” Taeyong smiled softly, and Jisung felt his heart turn in his chest at how lucky he was. “Your room is clean, right?”

 

“It always is.” Jisung answered, standing up.

 

“Good. Just take the garbage on your way out, yeah?”

 

“Got it, is there anything else you need?” 

 

“No, I’m good, other than that.” Taeyong stood up on his tiptoes to kiss Jisung’s forehead. “Have fun, stay safe, don’t do stupid things.”

 

“I won't, don’t worry.” Jisung nodded, walking out of the bathroom to go get changed. 

 

\--

 

Twenty minutes later, he was on the way to Renjun’s house.

 

He’d decided to take his longboard today- he doubted Chenle wanted to go out and do things, it was one of California’s more humid days- they were rare to find, and Jisung hoped that meant rain this week. The grass outside their apartment complex was dull and brown, it could really use some water. 

 

Renjun lived in one of the nicer neighborhoods near the beach. It wasn't directly off the boardwalk like Jisung’s apartment, but it was close enough to walk if you felt like putting in the energy. As he rode down the street, the houses seemed to get bigger and bigger, until he finally stopped at the house number Chenle had texted him.

 

There was no  _ way  _ this was Renjun’s house. It was fucking huge.

 

He pulled out his phone, texted Chenle that he was here, and sat on the curb to wait.

 

Not even a minute after he sat, the door opened and Chenle’s head popped out, hair still rumpled from having slept on it. It was cute. Jisung was going to die.

 

“Auntie, Jisung is here!” He called back into the house, before motioning the younger to come inside.

 

“You can leave that right here, up against the wall.” Chenle said, looking at his longboard. “Shoes go here. My room is upstairs, but I want you to meet my aunt first.”

 

Jisung nodded and toed off his shoes, looking up at the house he was in. There was a chandelier hanging from the ceiling and the walls were decorated were decorated with paintings- Renjun’s by the looks of it- and ornate fans tacked up. There was a giant staircase that looked like it went up beyond a second floor, and through a few doorways, Jisung could see a living room with a giant TV, what looked like a music room, and a huge kitchen with shiny expensive appliances.

 

“Whoa.” He breathed. This house was probably worth more than what it would cost for him to go to college. 

 

“Come on,” Chenle grabbed his hand. “I want you to meet my aunt. She’s great.” He grinned, tugging Jisung up the stairs.

 

The second floor was a lot more subdued- it seemed to only be a few bedrooms, but all the doors were closed, so Jisung had no idea. Chenle walked him over to one of the doors and knocked. “Jisung is here!” He called, before saying something in Mandarin that Jisung couldn't understand.

 

A woman walked out in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, a curler in the front of her hair. She was a few inches shorter than Chenle- meaning Jisung practically towered over her.

 

She definitely looked a lot like Renjun, except older, and in female form- her shoulders were broader too, which Jisung found kind of funny.

 

“Chenle, you know your mother doesn’t want you speaking Mandarin around here.” She scolded, but the smile in her eyes said otherwise.

 

“This is Jisung.” He replied. 

 

“Oh, I’ve heard so much about you!” She smiled brightly, reaching up to pinch his cheeks. Why did all the adults like to pinch his cheeks so much? 

 

“Chenle, you're right, your mother is going to love him. How old are you, Jisung?”

 

“Fifteen.” He said, glancing between her and Chenle.

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful.” She turned back to Chenle, saying something in Mandarin that made him blush.

 

He replied back, again in Mandarin, and Jisung was completely lost to what was going on- it was full of different tones and registers, and he had no idea how anyone could keep up. Korean was  _ much  _ easier.

 

They were fully conversing in Mandarin now, and Jisung couldn't understand any of it.  _ Wonderful. _

 

Chenle must have said something along the lines of  _ okay, we’re going to my room,  _ because soon he was being dragged down the hallway as Renjun’s mother waved them off.

 

“She likes you a lot.” Chenle said, breathless, as soon as he’d closed the door behind them. 

 

Jisung looked up into the guest room that Chenle had claimed as his for the summer- it was pretty generic-looking for a guest room, walls painted baby blue and a few more paintings hung up.

 

The room was also very messy, and Jisung decided not to comment on it. Chenle might think he was weird if he just… asked to clean it.

 

“This is my room.” Chenle said, and Jisung turned to face him. “At least for the next month and a half.”

 

Chenle had him cornered against the door, one hand holding his and the other holding onto the doorknob, and Jisung could think of a number of things that could come from this position that he wouldn't necessarily object to. 

 

“Sorry, it’s kind of messy.” Chenle’s face flushed, tilting his head up a little. 

 

“It’s fine.” Jisung breathed, tearing his eyes away from Chenle’s lips to look more closely at the room. 

 

The bedsheets were bright white, and there were clothes tossed everywhere- in the laundry basket, outside the laundry basket, over the door of the closet, on the corners of the bed. The only spot that seemed completely clear was right in the center of the bed, probably where Chenle slept. The comforter was curled almost into a nest with a laptop on the edge. 

 

A _very_ _nice_ laptop.

 

If Jisung wasn’t already intimidated enough when he walked into the house, the laptop was definitely enough to scare the shit out of him. How rich was Chenle and Renjun’s family?

 

“Um, is your house in Shanghai as big as…” He trailed off, looking around the room again.

 

“My house is a little bigger.” Chenle replied softly, tilting his head up even  _ more.  _ He was doing that thing again, where he was looking at Jisung like he was expecting something. 

 

Jisung couldn't possibly imagine what.

 

“What do you mean, bigger?” Wasn’t Shanghai super expensive to live in? He’d heard that somewhere.

 

“I mean it’s a bigger house, Jisung. Like, my house is bigger than this house.”

 

“So your family is loaded, is what you’re telling me.” 

 

“Basically, yeah.” Chenle nodded, stepping back. He almost looked disappointed, like he was expecting some sort of gift and never received it.

 

Jisung ignored it and focused on slowing down his heart rate while Chenle flopped on his bed, switching on the laptop. “Sit here.” The smaller said, shifting into a criss-cross applesauce position and patting the spot next to him.

 

\--

 

An hour later, Chenle was leaning against his headboard, pillows propped up behind him so he was sitting up. Jisung was slumped down next to him, leaning against the older’s side, Chenle’s arm around his shoulder. They were watching EXO Showtime- Chenle had practically given himself a mental breakdown trying to find one with English subtitles so they could both understand what was going on, but eventually they’d found one on some sketchy K-Drama site that would probably leave Chenle with more computer viruses than he could count.

 

Jisung had learned names pretty easily- Twelve people wasn’t  _ that  _ many, and them sitting in the same seats the entire first episode definitely helped.

 

One member he definitely knew was Lay, because he felt Chenle’s heartbeat speed up whenever he was on the screen- it was cute as hell, and it made Jisung’s heart beat faster, too.

 

He hoped Chenle didn’t notice. That would be embarrassing.

 

“Is there anybody you like so far?” Chenle asked as soon as the episode had ended, craning his neck so he could look at the younger.

 

“Uh…” JIsung’s mind blanked, completely forgetting everything about the members he’d learned in the past hour. He couldn’t remember, not when Chenle was this close to him, looking at him like  _ that _ -

 

Chenle frowned. “You don’t have anybody you really like yet?”

 

“Um, I think I need to watch more. I like all of them.” 

 

Chenle nodded slightly, but didn’t move away. He was giving Jisung that look again- like he was expecting something, glancing between his lips and his eyes. 

 

Jisung had never felt more lost in his life. 

 

He needed a subject change, something to bring the conversation back, because right now Jisung was positive he was the only one that didn’t know what was going on. 

 

“Are you doing anything for the Fourth of July?” Jisung asked suddenly. 

 

“No, I don’t think so.” Chenle answered, moving back slightly. “I think Renjun is going out, and I’m not sure about my aunt, but she probably expects me to do something.”

 

“Do you want to come to my house and watch the fireworks?” 

 

“You can see them from your house?” Chenle tilted his head slightly. “But your windows don’t face the beach.” 

 

Jisung nodded. “I know. You’ll see.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go to your house then.” Chenle sighed happily, leaning his head against Jisung’s and clicking onto the next episode.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I'm sorry this was lowkey more filler but people asked for a lil more Johnny/ten/taeyong content and a lot of the shit in this chapter is buildup for that so. here we be. next chapter is all chensung


	14. sick of guessing almost everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for taking an unplanned 5 and a half month long hiatus from this story I promise it wasn't intentional, real life shit got in the way of me working on this story and I just wanna sincerely apologize for keeping everyone waiting for so long

“Would you ever get a tattoo?” Chenle asked, hands carding through Jisung’s hair on his lap. 

 

Jisung’s eyes fluttered open, eyebrows knitted in concentration. “I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.” He said after a while. “I know Jeno wants one. Why, do you?” 

 

“I think they look cool.” Chenle lightly nudged Jisung with his leg, prompting the younger boy to sit across from him. “I want them when I’m old enough. Not a lot, though, only a couple.”

 

“What would you want?”

 

“Hold on, I'll show you.” He shifted off the ground for a moment to slide his phone out of his pocket and opened his notes app, typing in something quick and turning the phone towards Jisung.

 

喜

 

“That would be cool.” Jisung squinted at the screen to see the tiny character. “It would have to be done right though, it might look like random lines if you get it too small.”

 

Chenle nodded and let his phone drop to the ground. “I would want it big, probably. Maybe here.” He motioned to his inner forearm. “I don’t know if I would get much else, though.”

 

“What does it mean?” Jisung asked, turning back to lay in the older’s lap. But before he could lean his head down, Chenle shifted forward so Jisung was laying back against his chest instead. 

 

“It’s happiness, kind of.” He looked down at the younger, eyes shining. “It’s a specific kind of happy, though. Like when you meet someone new, and it’s just them having a good feeling to you. I don’t think I’m explaining it right, but do you know the feeling I'm talking about?” 

 

Jisung nodded up at him, face hot. He definitely knew that feeling, he’d been experiencing it since the day he met Chenle on the boardwalk. 

 

if the way he smirked down at Jisung was any indication, Chenle was definitely noticing. He needed some kind of subject change, he was blushing too hard for his own comfort

 

“People get Chinese characters here all the time, but nobody who gets them is actually Chinese. It’s weird.”

 

“I know, I’ve seen them around.” Chenle let his fingers dance down Jisung’s arm and laced their fingers together. “It’s funny, it happens in China too, except the words are always in English. Not so much in Shanghai, because a lot of people understand English there, but in other cities, yeah. I’ll just be walking around and I’ll see somebody with  _ water _ on their arm.”

 

Jisung grinned, biting his lip to stifle a laugh. “Why are you asking me about it?”

 

Chenle’s face fell a little. “After you left the other day, Renjun was talking to me about it. He says he wants to go to art college, but all the good ones are across the country, and he doesn’t want to move too far, so he was thinking of being a tattoo artist.”

 

“He doesn’t want to go to college?”

 

“I don’t think it’s that,” Chenle sighed. “I think he doesn’t want to leave Auntie alone for a year before I move here.” 

 

“You’re moving here?” Jisung sat up suddenly, nearly knocking Chenle to the ground. 

 

“Not soon, but I want to go to an American college. Why do you think I’ve been trying so hard on my English?”

 

Jisung laid back again, feeling Chenle’s heart hammering against the nape of his neck. He wasn’t sure how Chenle’s school in Shanghai worked, but from what he knew, the schedules of them didn’t match up. Chenle would be graduating later than Jisung would. 

 

“When I go back, I’m gonna start to take night classes to graduate early so I can be the same age as everyone else- Renjun said I’d be in the same year as you if I lived here, so we’d graduate around the same time.” Chenle explained without Jisung been having to ask. “And then next summer, I’ll come back and look at schools and see where I’d want to go.”

 

Jisung inhaled sharply. He hadn’t allowed himself to think that far ahead, especially in terms of whatever he had with Chenle- he was under the thought that Chenle was leaving after the summer and never coming back. The idea that he might be living here permanently, even if he had to wait a few years? It seemed too good to be true.

 

“So you’re moving here in two years.” Jisung said, more as a confirmation to himself than anything else.

 

“Yeah, and I’ll be here next summer too, and I’ll probably come back a few times during the school year to tour colleges. My parents would be coming for those, too, so I can introduce them to you.” 

 

“Why do you want me to meet your parents so bad?” Jisung could feel his face heating up again.

 

Chenle smiled wide, resting his chin against Jisung’s head. “You really have no idea.” 

 

“No idea of what?” Jisung looked up, then moved back a bit once he realized how close they were.

 

“You’ll get it soon, don’t worry.” Chenle laughed a little, eyes crinkling into crescents again, and Jisung felt himself melting into a puddle on the spot. 

 

“What time do the fireworks start?” Chenle asked suddenly, sitting up a little straighter.

 

“When it gets dark, but we should eat first.” Jisung picked up Chenle’s phone off the ground to look at the screen. “It’s six now, we should get going soon.”

 

Chenle nodded, humming a little. “On TV. I always see people out on the beach or having parties on the Fourth of July. You don’t do that here?”

 

“Everybody else does. Jaemin’s family has a huge one, and sometimes me and Johnny go to that, but usually we just chill until it’s time for the fireworks and then we go watch them.”

 

The older boy hummed again. “Where did you say Johnny went again?”

 

“Business trip. They took Lucy, too, that’s why I asked you to stay over.”

 

“Because he doesn’t like you to be alone?”

 

Jisung bit his lip, nodding. 

 

“Why?” 

 

That was a loaded question, and if Jisung wanted to explain it properly, he’d have to do it with a lot of mental preparations first. “Can I tell you about it later?”

 

Chenle looked down at him, a little concerned. “Yeah, I guess.” 

 

An awkward silence filled the air.

 

“We should go eat something.” Jisung said again, trying to reel the conversation back in. “We could go to In and Out again.”

 

Chenle grinned, patting Jisung’s arm for him to get up. “That sounds fun. Let’s do it.”

 

\--

 

Apparently, having a full day of alone time with Chenle wasn't an option, because Jaemin FaceTimed him as soon as it started to get dark. 

 

“Jisung, can you come smoke us up? We’re burning out over here and the edibles don’t kick in for another twenty minutes.”

 

“I’m busy.” The younger replied, glancing over at Chenle on the couch. He was curled up between the cushions, playing some rhythm game on his phone, fingers moving rapidly and eyes glued to the screen.

 

“What if we come pick up shit?” He heard Jeno ask from offscreen, sound cutting out a little. 

 

“I mean, you could, you just can't stay here.” 

 

“Can you let me use your bong and I’ll buy you coffee later?” 

 

Jisung sighed and rolled his eyes, walking into the kitchen and letting his phone rest on the counter. “I literally can't stand you. Where are you right now?”

 

“Down at the beach, my dad rented one of the pavilions. Everyone is here except for you and Luce.”

 

“So how much do you need?” 

 

“Well, Renjun’s a fucking tank, so probably a quarter.” 

 

“You’re gonna get fucking smashed at your dad’s barbecue.”

 

“I’ll save the rest for later.”

 

Jisung pulled a scale down from a shelf and opened a cabinet above the sink, grabbing a mason jar and setting them both on the counter.

 

“Is Fine China with you?” Jaemin asked, reaching for something offscreen.

 

“Yeah, he’s in the other room.” Distantly, Jisung heard the song end, followed by Chenle cursing under his breath. He must not have gotten a high enough score.

 

Jaemin didn’t respond for a minute, and when he finally did, it was in Korean. “ _ Are you taking him up to the roof? _ ”

 

“Yeah,” Jisung responded in English. “How’d you know?”

 

“ _ Because Johnny isn’t there. Lucy is documenting their road trip on instagram live. _ ”

 

“Fair point.” Jisung unscrewed the jar and reached in, grabbing out a few nuggets and placing them on the scale. 

 

“Jisung?” A small voice piped up from the kitchen entrance. 

 

“I’m gonna go, Ji.” Jaemin said, the background behind him blurring as he walked. “I’ll be over in a few.”

 

“‘Kay, bye.” Jisung replied, ending the call and looking up to see Chenle walking towards him. 

 

“Is that for you?” Chenle asked, his tone more curious than anything else. 

 

“No, Jaemin. And your cousin. And everybody else too, probably.”

 

“It smells a little different.” Chenle sniffed the air. “Like… a skunk.”

 

“It’s ‘cause of the strain.” Jisung explained, adding a few more nuggets to the scale. “It’s supposed to smell like that, so people don’t notice it as much.”

 

Chenle nodded and pulled himself up onto the counter, leaning over to watch as Jisung added another nugget and checked the weight. 

 

“I think it’s cool that you know all this stuff.” Chenle spoke again, nudging Jisung’s shoulder with his arm. 

 

“Lele, it’s illegal.” 

 

“I know, I like it. It’s kind of… badass, I think that’s the word I’m looking for.” His voice grew quieter towards the end of his sentence, and Jisung knew he was blushing without having to look up and check.

 

“I don’t even think it’s that bad.” Chenle continued. “I looked some stuff up, and it doesn’t seem as bad for you as alcohol is.” 

 

“So what are you saying?” Jisung looked up, and sure enough, Chenle’s face was beet red. 

 

They were also  _ really _ close, but he chose not to dwell on that.

 

“I’m saying I want to try it, if you’d let me?” Chenle looked up then, eyes wide and innocent, and Jisung felt his insides melting.

 

“I thought you were against it.” Jisung looked back down at the weed on the scale. He needed to focus. Jaemin was going to be here soon.

 

“Not really,” Chenle swung his legs, bumping them lightly against the cabinets. “I just don’t really like it when it makes you anxious. But I think it’ll be fine, if it’s only a little bit to start out.” 

 

“You’ll probably be a lightweight, anyway.” The younger replied, fishing out a larger nugget and two smaller ones. “How’s your alcohol tolerance? Do you know?”

 

“Terrible.”

 

“It’s usually about the same for weed.” He placed them on the scale and checked the weight again. “The tolerance, I mean. Not always, but usually it is.”

 

Chenle hummed softly, eyes following Jisung’s fingers as he reached in for another nugget.

 

“How does all that work?” The smaller boy asked, glancing from the jar to the scale. “Like, how much is that?”

 

“Right now I’m getting him a quarter, he’s sharing it with everyone.” 

 

“A quarter of what?” 

 

“An ounce.” Jisung turned the scale towards Chenle so he could see the numbers. “An ounce is twenty eight grams.” He explained, grabbing one last small nugget and closing the top of the mason jar. “And a quarter is just what it sounds like, a quarter of that, so seven grams.” He placed the last of it onto the scale, watching the numbers flicker from 6.6 to 7.1. 

Chenle nodded and scooted a little closer to where the younger was standing. 

 

Jisung closed up the mason jar and put it back into the cabinet, pulling out a ziplock bag off another shelf and clicking the scale off. He gathered the nuggets in his hand and tipped them into the plastic, pushing all of the air out and sealing it up. 

 

“Is that, like, a lot?” The older asked, hopping off the counter.

 

“For one person, yeah.” Jisung answered, leading Chenle out of the kitchen. 

 

Chenle hummed lightly and nodded, following the younger out.

 

“Be right back.” Jising promised, turning the corner down the hallway to his bedroom and running inside to grab his bong from the closet.

 

It was a little dirty- he didn’t use it often. He’d have to clean it after Jaemin was done with it. Maybe add some new stickers, too- he’d picked up a few from a street vendor last week. 

 

He grabbed it, shoved it in a spare backpack he had, and walked back out into the living room, slipping the bag of weed too.

 

Chenle was sitting on the couch again, playing that same rhythm game from before. Cute.

 

“Are we going now?” He looked up from his screen, fingers still hitting every dot that flew across the screen.

 

“Yeah, once Jaemin gets here.” He held up the backpack, and as if on cue, there was a knock at the door.

 

Jisung walked over to unlock it and open it up, and sure enough, there was Jaemin holding his phone in one hand and a twenty dollar bill in the other.

 

“Good timing.” Chenle said, eyes falling back down to the game.

 

Jaemin glanced over at Chenle on the couch before looking back to Jisung, wiggling his eyebrows.  _ “If I come over tomorrow to give this back to you,”  _ He started in Korean. _ “And you’re still doing your weird courting ritual-” _

 

Courting ritual? Well, Jisung supposed, that was one way to describe whatever was going on.

 

_ “I’d like to keep the courting ritual going, if you don’t mind.” _ Jisung replied. He didn’t usually like speaking in Korean when Chenle was around- he knew it made the older feel uninvited, but it was kind of weird to talk about courting Chenle right in front of his face where he could understand.  _ “Go back to your party, they’re all probably waiting.”  _

 

Jaemin grinned, reaching over to squish Jisung’s cheek before slinging the backpack over his shoulder and walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

 

“Are we going now?” Chenle piped up from the couch, looking up from his phone. His fingers were still flying across the screen, hitting every note.

 

“Yeah, hold on.” Jisung replied, opening the living room closet and grabbing two lawn chairs. He looped the bag handles around his arms and stepped back out again, walking back into the kitchen to grab his bluetooth speaker where he’d left it last and slipped it into his pocket. 

 

“Why are you bringing two?” Chenle asked from the couch, locking his phone and standing up to slide it into his pocket. “Just bring one, we can share.”

 

Jisung frowned-- he felt like he was missing something.  _ Oh well. _ He leaned one of them against the wall and motioned for Chenle to join him.

 

As soon as they stepped out of the apartment, Chenle turned the corner to go towards the elevator, but Jisung caught his arm after a few steps. “Nope, stairs.” He said, pulling him in the other direction towards the far end of the hallway. 

 

“Why the stairs?” The older asked, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

 

“Because only the stairs go to the roof.” He looked down at the ground in front of him, trying to avoid grinning at how cute the older looked. 

 

Jisung opened the door at the end of the hallway and lead Chenle up three flights of stairs before stopping in front of a door and punching in a passcode.

 

The lock clicked and Jisung opened the door, holding it for the older to walk out first, and as soon as Chenle was out, the younger followed.

 

The rooftop was deserted, a flat plane of grey concrete with the occasional vent or pipe poking up from the ground. Along the edges was a three foot wall, presumably to keep maintenance workers from falling off the ledge, and above them was nothing but a light polluted sky.

 

“Oh, wow.” Chenle muttered, stepping forward towards the center of the roof. He looked up at the sky before turning back at Jisung, a smile on his face. “This is really pretty.”

 

“You’re prettier.” Jisung replied without thinking, furiously blushing  after realizing what he’d said.

 

Chenle grinned even wider, reaching out to take Jisung’s hand and pull him towards the far end of the rooftop that overlooked the beach.

 

Below them were other rooftops of shorter apartments and, as their gazes shifted closer to the coastline, the sloped tops of the million-dollar houses with private beaches. To the left was the road leading to the boardwalk, and beyond that the beach, lit up with lanterns and grills and smaller bonfires. Jisung spotted Jaemin’s family’s tent and smiled to himself, wondering if the older boy had gotten back yet.

 

“Why isn’t anybody else up here?” Chenle asked quietly, looking out at the water.

 

“Johnny deals to our landlord,” Jisung answered. “And in return he covers for us when other people complain about the smell and he gave us the password for up here. Nobody else is allowed.”

 

“That sounds illegal.” Jisung could hear the smile in the shorter boy’s voice and looked over at him.

 

“My entire life is based off illegal activity, Chenle.” 

 

“You’re right.” Chenle grinned back, and Jisung felt his heart jump into his throat. “What time do they usually start?”

 

“Like, a half hour after it gets dark.” Jisung looked out at the horizon- the sun was almost below the horizon with only an edge of it peeking up through the water, the horizon line melting from bright orange to yellow to a dark navy blue. 

 

“So it’ll be soon then.” Chenle eyed the lawn chair on Jisung’s shoulder.

 

Jisung slung the chair bag off his arm and walked back to the center of the roof, unfolding it and propping it back. He gestured for Chenle to sit, but the older just grinned. “You sit first.” He said.

 

Jisung shrugged, sitting down on the lawn chair and shifting to get more comfortable. He looked up to see Chenle plopping right on top of him, nearly tipping the chair back before it fell into place again.

 

Jisung’s face flushed— Chenle being in his lap wasn’t  _ too _ out of the ordinary, it happened pretty often nowadays, but it always managed to make him flustered.

 

“There we go.” Chenle said, wiggling to get more comfortable. He wrapped his arms around Jisung’s neck and laid against his shoulder, legs falling over the side of the chair. 

 

“I don’t understand how you could be comfortable all squished up like that.” Jisung smiled, letting his arms draped around Chenle’s waist.

 

“I’m comfortable because it’s you.” He replied, giggling when Jisung’s face flushed even harder. “Actually, pardon me for asking, but I have another question for you.”

 

“Ask away, then.”

 

“How many people have you kissed before? I know Jaemin, but was there anyone else?”

 

Oh no. Jisung  _ really  _ didn’t like talking about this.

 

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I have. Lucy, once.”

 

Chenle frowned, sitting up a little to look at him. 

 

“It was just once, in eighth grade.” Jisung explained. “All other kids in school had been making fun of us for being so close, so we decided to just kiss one day. To see what would happen.”

 

“And what happened?” Chenle asked. 

 

“She ran to the bathroom and threw up.” Jisung smiled thinking about it.

 

“Like, she  _ actually  _ threw up?” 

 

“Yeah, full chunks.” Jisung grinned. “She’s like my sister. It was just weird.”

 

“Makes sense.” Chenle nodded, curling back into Jisung’s shoulder. “My first kiss was a girl at a party. I was twelve, I think. She had one of those things in a tree in her backyard, like those little buildings you play in-“

 

“Treehouse?” Jisung supplied.

 

“Yeah, that. She took me up there and kissed me because she wanted to be the first person in her squad to kiss someone.”

 

“Oh.” Jisung said. Hee wasn’t sure how to respond to that one.

 

“So like, aside from that, you haven’t kissed anyone else?” Chenle hummed, shifting his position so he was sitting up a little more.

 

“No, nobody.” Jisung swallowed, hard. Something about the tone of Chenle’s voice was making his stomach do summersaults. 

 

“You should change that.” Chenle shifted again and swung his leg over Jisung’s middle so he was perched on his lap. 

 

Ok, Jisung thought, he  _ had  _ to be missing something here. Was Chenle actually  _ trying  _ to kiss him? No, he couldn’t. That was just wishful thinking.

 

“How am I supposed to change that?” Jisung asked, bringing his arms up to wrap back around Chenle’s waist. 

 

“Jisung, I’m sorry for having to be the one to break it to you, but you’re really fucking stupid.” Chenle laughed a little, cheeks going pink.

 

Jisung frowned, face flushing again. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean I’ve been trying to kiss you for about two weeks now.”

 

What?  _ Oh. _ The realization hit Jisung like a bag of bricks and suddenly Chenle felt a lot heavier in his lap. 

 

“And you still haven’t gotten it.” Chenle kept grinning. “It’s really cute, actually. I thought you were just playing hard to get before i figured out that you just didn’t get it.”

 

Jisung’s throat felt dry and he licked his lips, trying to find words to say. “Uh, I didn’t get it.” He mumbled, frozen in place.

 

“I know. That’s why I’m telling you now, because I know you like me, and I can tell you want to.”

 

“How can you tell?” Jisung asked, quieter than before. The last of the light was fading from the sky and he heard a couple cheers from the boardwalk in the distance. The fireworks would start any minute now.

 

“You’re really bad at hiding things, you know.” Chenle grinned and started to learn forward.

 

Jisung felt the entire world closing in on him- he felt a knot forming in his stomach, and his heart was pounding so hard it was about to burst out of his chest. It wasn’t a  _ bad  _ feeling though— he might be able to get used to this.

 

Chenle’s eyes fluttered shut and Jisung took in every detail of his face- the haphazardly blended eyeshadow, not quite as seamless as Donghyuck’s, but still there regardless- his pink cheeks, the dusting of highlighter along his nose, how pretty and glossy his lips looked-

 

Jisung closed his eyes and leaned in, arms tightening around Chenle’s waist as their lips brushed together, sending sparks down Jisung’s body.

 

Chenle pressed forward again and kissed him,  _ really  _ kissed him this time, and he heard a loud cheer from the boardwalk below that something had been set off. Colors danced behind his eyelids as the sky crackled behind them, fizzing out fireworks left and right, and Jisung felt the heat of the lights washing over him in waves, warming him from the inside out.

 

In this moment, everything felt right. This was where Jisung belonged. This was home. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any they finally kissed! fun times

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/_bassbot) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/aquasanha)  
> [this au's spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/emmapandalove/playlist/2ou9I3LnTCUnyqstYSWwhv?si=0ZSHlMTHTkuhjmZG7H3SbA)


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